A woman, a man and a cat called Coco

I've started reading essays by the late novelist and poet Jenny Diski. They were originally published in the London Review of Books and 34 of them have been brought together by Jenny's editor Mary-Kay Wilmers in Why Didn't You Just Do What You Were Told?. I'm reading one a night, in bed.

I'm interested in the notion of: what is an essay? As opposed, say, to a blog post. Or a newspaper comment item. Is it a matter of length? Quality? Purpose? The very word essay reminds one of school - a duty performed reluctantly, with quantity and topicality the primary goals (marks for length and relevance). A comment piece, as written perhaps by one of my favourite columnists Giles Coren in the Times, is attention-seeking and designed to titillate whilst a blog post might be argumentative and persuasive. But I can't seriously be comparing myself with Jenny or Giles. It's a statement of the bleedin' obvious that they are proper writers and I am not. Jenny is a writer, Giles a journalist, I a blogger. A poet, an artisan and a dilettante. The sheer quality of Jenny's writing in particular is unassailable.

Nevertheless it leaves open the question of genre. One of Jenny's essays is typically around 4,000 words, a piece by Giles 500, one of my blog posts maybe 400. So there is undoubtedly substance to essaying, indicative probably of breadth of thought and depth of subject matter. I don't think I could write 4,000 words about anything or even think enough thoughts on a single topic to engage to that degree. There is also the readership question. The London Review of Books has a circulation of 45,000, the Times 400,000. I have, measured by frequency of comment and interest expressed, a woman, a man and a cat called Coco. And I have yet to receive a comment from Coco, although she is clearly an influential reader. I say reader but cats obviously can't read - but they can look and, shortly after I started blogging, came a request for ... pictures. Later, a suggestion of moving pictures. Cats have eyes and paws and I can be pretty sure whence came these requests. What next, a catcast?

Worth noting that essays and comment columns don't have pictures or videos; hah!

The first essay in the book is Moving Day. It's initially about a live-in-lover moving out and segues to post-lover life as Jenny describes it:

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Nothing. Nothing. These are the days. Don't speak to anyone. Leave the answering machine on. This is it, then. Me in my space. Me and my melancholy. I do nothing. I get on with the new novel. Smoke. Drink coffee. Smoke. Write. Stare at ceiling. Smoke. Write. Lie on the sofa. Drink coffee. Write. It is a kind of heaven.

It does sound heavenly. Well, perhaps without the fags. And the caffeine. And the melancholy. She claims that "a fraud is being perpetrated: writing is not work, it's doing nothing." I don't really know what this means but I find it an attractive notion.

There's a deal of self-revelation in her writing which I personally could not countenance. I guess it's one of the many things that would distance me from any proper writer, that I write at a distance from my subject matter, keeping myself at arm's length from the reader by deflecting into frippery. A serious writer reveals her soul; I'm not sure I have one.  There's a final question: longevity. In fifty years' time there will be people in this world reading Jenny's essays. In comparison, my blog posts are transient, of momentary interest hopefully but nothing more, almost designed to be disposable as I move on to the next topic passing by my impatient mind.

What I do have is personal contact with my readers; can a novelist hope to replicate that? I'm not sure who a novelist writes for but I suspect it might be herself. I write for my readers. Who will probably be relieved to know that I won't be troubling you with reviews of all thirty four of these essays. I made this decision after reading the second, with its gruesome details of the murders committed by Jeffrey Dahmer and Dennis Nilsen, in which the author explores the realms of background, motive, remorse and punishment. I can imagine Coco covering her eyes and ears already.

Tonight's essay subject: Howard Hughes: "He Could Afford It". Maybe it will sleep me a good sleep. "Our little life is rounded with a sleep" (The Tempest).

Throughout my life, I never thought of myself as a writer. That's not going to change.

It's been a year

I started this blog a year ago today. I  decided I needed something to take me out of my routine and challenge me. It was the time of the first lockdown and life was going to be lonely and tedious for a while with regular activities such as visiting friends, pubs and coffee shops banned. So a blog.

As I said in the very first post "I needed to fill in some time. Between this and that. Too much of this (playing computer games) and not enough motivation to do that (gardening)."

To date I have published 225 posts. Two every three days approx.

I have blogged about books, movies, football, garden birds, scientists, engineers, faithless electors, music, beautiful fish and the Ethiopian calendar. Amongst other things. My Twitter tagline says "Blogging random topics to share knowledge of obscure and useless stuff." But stuff is knowledge. In a year, in my widening knowledge of the world, I have made up for five years of schooling. 

It's been a voyage of discovery. I am the Christopher Columbus of bloggers. My discoveries come from myriad sources: newspaper articles, books, websites, YouTube videos, friends, computer games, TV programmes. A cornucopia of rich material. A passing reference in a Times comment column by Giles Coren brought me to Klara And The Sun, thence Never Let Me Go and The Buried Giant. Civilization VI brought me Jang Seung-eop and Three Sisters Playing Chess; my friend Tony introduced me to Mother Carey's Chickens. It was on CNN that I saw Lucy McBath, leading me to read her book Standing Our Ground. Watching football on TV (yes, even that!) re-introduced me to punk rock and - even more punkish - a TV documentary about Hillary Clinton revealed ska punk.

Books I wouldn't otherwise have read, music listened to, paintings I wouldn't have seen, history I wasn't taught. Growing outside my bubble, after 76 years.

Two days ago an item on the BBC website mentioned the actress Emilia Clarke describing how, in lockdown, she joined a book subscription service as a substitute for her regular browsing in bookshops. A book she particularly enjoyed is Why Didn't You Just Do What You Were Told?, a collection of essays by the late novelist Jenny Diski. I wondered what the difference between an essay and a blog post was so I ordered the book to find out. If it's good enough for the Mother of Dragons it's good enough for me. I'll let you know.

I recall suggesting that I'd try to post once a day but turns out it's not as easy as it sounds. My post activity goes in fits and starts. Silence for a week followed by a burst of five successive days has not been uncommon. Is that a sign of a restless temperament or because I have other things to do? If you miss me for a few days you can always check out @usedtobecroque1 on Twitter.

On we go for year two....