I am being surveilled. Monitored, snooped on. Sitting next to my TV in my lounge, staring defiantly at me, is a small video camera. Given to me as a present by my son. "You're getting old, Dad, and I want to make sure you're OK". What kind of son gives his dad a surveillance device as a birthday present? Whatever happened to socks, a Guns N' Roses T shirt, a copy of the Jeremy Corbyn Annual?
OK, I get it. And I voluntarily gave my son the password to access the device in cases where he hasn't heard from me for ... a week, maybe. Using the app, it just shows live pictures of my massage chair, with or without me on it. It's not exactly a foolproof system, as I might be on the loo, in bed, doing some gardening or cooking. To be sure, I would need one of the little devices in every room in the house - surveillance gone mad. However, it's something. I trust my son not to watch my every movement, although on Friday nights, when he might come home the worse for wear after an evening with mates in the pub, I give it a wave - and sometimes other signals - every now and again. And I generally make sure that, if engaged in some undesirable 'old man' activity - scratching my armpits, picking my nose, strangling the neighbour's cat or reading the Guardian - I do it in the camera's blind spot (have you found that yet, son?)
Which brings me to Matt Hancock. Does he have a son who has given him one of these devices? If the picture of our esteemed Secretary of State for Health in a meeting with one of his 'closest advisers', in his office, was taken from the office CCTV, why on earth would anyone have CCTV in their office? Is this a government thing; do they all have CCTV? Everyone knows that CCTV can be hacked so it doesn't sound like a great idea. And, if so, did Hancock know he was being watched? What a fecking eejut. First rule of being surveilled: find the blind spot.
I believe this is the system which the civil service had installed in the Prime Minster's office:
