Daily press performance

Turned on my TV to watch some YouTube video, caught a minor front bench automoton lecturing (surely lecturers are the only people who illustrate their points with slides) the hoi polloi on the government's latest thoughts. An art form in which the robot (with almost human controllers) is accompanied by a Greek chorus, to music by Mikis Theodorakis.

Automoton:
   "First slide please"

   "This shows that the situation is still bad and therefore we must"

Chorus:
   "Stay alert!"

Automoton:
   "Next slide please"

   "This shows a graph and some numbers which you, the masses, are too think to understand; all you need to know is"

Chorus:
   "Stay home!"

Human controller:
"No, minister, that was yesterday's slogan"

Automoton:
"Ah, go home!"

Human controller:
"Not quite, minister, things have changed"

Automoton:
   "Ah yes, the government has decided you can all"

   "Go to someone else's home; as long as there is only one person there. If someone else turns up you have to run away in order to "

Chorus:
   "Control the virus!"

Automoton:
   "Next slide please"

   "As you can see, it is now possible for us all to go to work"

Human controller:
   "Well, minister, it'as not as simple as that...."

Automoton:
   "Yes, well, most of you should not go to work and should"

Chorus:
   "Stay home!"

Automoton:
   "Next slide please"

   "We now have these 5 threat levels to tell us whether a terror attack is....er no, whether Chinese bat flu is likely to hit us in a second wave if we don't"

Chorus:
   "Stay alert!"

Automoton:
   "Let's hear from Nigel in Cornwall"

Nigel, on the beach with 100 friends in Cornwall:
   "Please, my dear government, all this is totally unnecessary. Do you think we are idiots? (don't answer that, minister) Every day is the same bad, sad news accompanied by suspect data and approximation curves. And you and your colleagues patronise us with drivel slogans and defensiveness statistics. Just give out the numbers in a press release and go home...or actually go and do some work...if you're allowed to"

Automoton:
   "Well thank you, Nigel, very good points, I can think we can all agree that we need to"

Chorus:
   "Save lives!"

I think we probably can agree on that.

Boris at 7?

I don't think I'll be watching. Not quite the gravitas and sincerity of her maj (and I didn't watch her).

Same old, same old depressing news and prospects with a few tweaks. Can we even believe the data? Are the scientists all they are cracked up to be?

You know, I've never been a fan of Matt Hancock. He has always been too fond of the limelight and of crass sound bites (which politician isn't?). But in this case, he has definitely drawn the short straw and, particularly while the PM was off sick, held the fort nobly and quite responsibly and robustly. He has struggled, yes, but who wouldn't have? There have been mistakes, yes, but maybe we'd all have made the same ones. Or worse.

But what can the PM say which will make a difference to my life currently? Very little, I imagine. Whatever he says, I shall continue 2 metre distancing, continuing exercising when I feel it will be beneficial (I've always been happy to take two short walks in a day rather than the ridiculous "one a day" advice (or is it a rule? I don't know).

I will be happy to be able to visit my garden centre soon, but I'd prefer the recycling centre to be open. Both would resolve some gardening issues. Even better would be outdoor tables in pubs. I don't see that happening but I think it wouldn't be that hard for pubs with beer gardens and outside tables to implement table service by staff with masks, tables to be isolated. If we can walk in the outside areas of garden centres, why not outside tables in pubs?

I recently had to go to Halfords to get a new car battery. They had implemented what seemed to me to be a robust isolating process which felt totally safe. Similarly, B&Q and the pet shop in the same small complex. I just feel more could do so. I don't understand why my local garage is closed when the one up the road is open.

Right from the start, I have felt that the emphasis on enforcement and police powers is too great. The vast majority of people are able to see the sense in behaving responsibly and not mixing or getting too close to others. If you come across those who don't do so, keep away from them. And I guess I have been ignoring the advice by driving a short distance to an area to take a walk - that seems totally appropriate; the argument that it isn't necessary is the wrong argument. I have noticed quite a few of our elderly residents resting on conveniently place bench seats to have a breather during their walk; good on them.

Then there is football. Amidst all the severe social distancing restrictions, we are going to allow 22 sweaty men and women to chase around, grapple and tackle, puff, pant and splutter all over each other? I'm the first to want footy back on screen but we all know it's about money.

There - this wasn't supposed to be rant, but that's what it has become. Sorry readers, sometimes that's what you get from bloggers.

I may be wrong; maybe he'll cheer us all up.