Merry Christmas, New Year wishes and Resolutions

It's that time of year. Unlike last year, which was truly awful, I am able to visit Son #2 and family in Kent. A joyous experience involving two riotous grandkids, a bracing beach walk in Folkestone in a howling gale, a (so far) disappointing delivery failure of a gift for my son, a trip on a steam train with mulled wine, hopefully a visit from Santa tonight (reindeer food ready and waiting) and equally hopefully a Boxing Day visit to my  co-grandparents, lateral flow tests permitting. A cornucopia of Christmas delights.

I remain unable to visit Son #1 and family in Australia. Barnaby Joyce can come to London and shop in Oxford Street but he requires me to quarantine for two weeks in one of his hotels. Sounds fair? Obviously not, although he did catch covid which rather makes the point of the Australian self-blockade. Maybe next Christmas I'll be able to enjoy my three riotous grandkids, a visit to my other co-grandparents involving blazing sun, dipping in the pool and cold weak Aussie beer. How the other half of the world lives. 

Obviously my wishes for 2022 centre around the defeat and disappearance of COVID-19. Ugh. The completion of my house renovations despite the best efforts of unresponsive and unreliable contractors, Ipswich Town not getting relegated, Arsenal getting into next season's Champions League, Boris getting impeached. Respective % likelihood: 0, 75, 50, 25, 15.

New Year resolutions? Check in next week. Don't expect anything ambitious. 

Three votes

Obviously all those political bloggers out there will be analysing the result of the UK's North Shropshire parliamentary by-election. Speculating and raising questions such as:

• Is this a typical mid term by-election where voters like to give the government of the day a good kicking and then revert to their usual loyalty in a general election?
• Is a margin of nearly 6,000 votes (Lib Dem over Conservative) much greater than the expected tight call?
• Are the Lib Dems back?
• Is Boris a gonner?
• Is Labour irrelevant in this kind of rural constituency?
• Did Reform UK and UKIP takes votes totally from the Conservatives?
• Surely the "Party Party" candidate should have won this contest hands down?

Not me.

I'm much more interested in Yolande Kenward.

Yolande, standing for election without any party affiliation, received three votes.

Putting this into perspective, to be accepted as a candidate in a parliamentary election, you need to (politically ambitious readers need to know this):

• be a British or Irish citizen, or from certain Commonwealth countries
• be over 18
• not be in the police, the military, civil service or judiciary
• not be bankrupt
• pay £500 deposit
• be nominated by 10 registered voters in the  constituency

If you get at least 5% of the votes cast - that would have been 1,901 in this by-election - you will get your £500 back.

Yolande founded the Patient Support Trust in 2000. Its aims are broadly to support the NHS as a fully publicly funded, free service with particular emphasis on the rights of patients, especially children. She has stood for election to various bodies, and in various constituencies, previously in what seems to be a concerted effort to publicise her causes.

Yolande appears not to be resident in North Shropshire - she hails from Maidstone in Kent - so the 10 nominations don't include her. So she has 10 mates, seven of whom deserted her when the actual votes were cast. Shame on you deceivers!

At £500 a pop, garnering next to no support, it seems an expensive way to use your advertising budget. You won't catch me doing it any time soon.

Not heard of Amazon, Barnaby?

End of week trivia.

Australia's esteemed PM Barnaby Joyce travelled to London, went Christmas shopping in Oxford Street, caught Covid and whinged about it. "Bloody Poms gave me the lurgy" he said. Karma. Stay Home. Use Amazon like the rest of us.

UK Defence Secretary Ben Wallace, fresh from joining the US (and our Aussie friends) in threatening retaliatory action against Russia should they annex the (rest of) Ukraine, claimed that Britain's troops should train to "survive and carry out surveillance in temperatures as low as 40°C." 

Russia invades Lapland, captures Santa; Royal Marines rescue nine reindeer and repatriate them to the UK, leaving behind dozens of British interpreters. You heard it here first.

The UK has said that none of its diplomats will attend the Winter Olympics in February. Noting that the temperature at that time of year is close to zero (which it would have to be obviously, otherwise no snow), a Foreign Office spokesman stated "our diplomats will be busy with post-Christmas parties after which they will be investigated and therefore unable to attend". The Chinese are reported as buying up extra bottles of champagne to celebrate.

A YouGov poll found that 68% of people polled believed Boris Johnson's denial of there being a Christmas party in 2020, against prevailing Covid regulations. 68%? What on earth are the other 32% on?

In another survey, two-thirds of readers of this blog believed that the author often includes made-up "facts" in posts. The other reader had recently travelled from Australia and was shopping in Oxford Street.

Bella Ciao

Bella Ciao is a folk song originating in World War II resistance movements in Italy. It continues to be a part of anti-fascist protests throughout the world. I came across it in the wonderful TV series Money Heist, which glorifies anti-establishment themes and in which Bella Ciao occurs as a leitmotif to characterise the robbers' anti-authoritarian instincts. Freedom for the people! Of course, they also set out to steal billions of euros' worth of currency and gold bars. The song provides moments of joyous celebration when things go well - which they don't always. Absolutely no spoilers, though, because you'll want to watch this.

You can sing along:

One morning I awakened,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao!
One morning I awakened
And I found the invader.

Oh partisan carry me away,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao
oh partisan carry me away
Because I feel death approaching.

And if I die as a partisan,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao
and if I die as a partisan
then you must bury me.

Bury me up in the mountain,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao
bury me up in the mountain
under the shade of a beautiful flower.

And all those who shall pass,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao
and all those who shall pass
will tell me "what a beautiful flower."

This is the flower of the partisan,
oh bella ciao, bella ciao, bella ciao, ciao, ciao
this is the flower of the partisan
who died for freedom

Looping and Ringing

It has 607 square miles and over nine million inhabitants. There are 9,197 miles of roads and 2,671 miles of rail.  There are 3000 parks and green spaces which cover 18% of its area - but its glory is two long distance paths called The Capital Ring and The London Loop.  The Ring is 78 miles and is the inner circle while the Loop is the outer circle and is 150 miles.  

Being retired has enabled me to fulfil a long held ambition to get to know the city that I’ve lived in for two thirds of my life. Every weekend, and even more in lockdown, we explored one of the sections which can be anything from four to ten miles.  The paths link as many parks and green spaces as possible and when that’s not possible they follow the more interesting parts of the built environment. Some of which follow. 

The picture at the top though is London’s heart - the Thames which, when you get to know it, is the most fascinating river in England. 

Fairly close to home is St Mary’s in Bexley where Ted Heath often played the organ.  It’s spire is shingled with two storeys and is the only example in England. 

Here for example is the grave of the founder of the Salvation Army buried in Abney Park in a cemetery reserved for Nonconformists and therefore quite simple in contrast to the florid Victorian C of E examples.  

Here’s Horsenden Hill - silver birches against a cerulean sky. 

Wet December

I always thought the notion of such ideas as a Dry January were absurd. Marketing ploys or, occasionally as with Movember, charitable endeavours. There is nothing in this world that would persuade me to grow a moustache

or commit to a whole month without alcohol - or cheese, mushrooms, pizza, whatever.

I drink little alcohol but, in the approach to Christmas, it feels like I should prepare for the festive season. It would be churlish to decline offers of champagne, a good wine and a glass of brandy, so my body needs to be ready. Hence Wet December. I'll be looking for a bottle of Armagnac tomorrow, together with some decent Rioja. No alcoholic beer though - too fattening.

UPDATE: Couldn't find any Armagnac so went for Drambuie instead. More Christmassy anyway. I used to like Tia Maria so might get some of that too. Can you get decaff Tia Maria? News to follow in due course.

Ready for Christmas

Just need to get some festive underpants. And a Santa beanie.

20 is too big a number

I watch football matches in which I have "skin in the game", as they say. "They" being I don't know who but let's move on. My interest might be in supporting one of the teams, wanting one of the teams to lose because it would benefit a team I support, maybe just expecting lots of goals. No dreary goalless draws please, let's have action!

The England womens' football team has been providing plenty of action recently. On Tuesday they beat Latvia 20-0 in a World Cup Qualifying match. Twenty! They have so far won all six of their games in group D, scoring 53 goals and conceding none. I wasn't watching because it coincided with another match in which I had that skin stuff. But would I have continued to watch such a one-sided match, once the score reached say 10-0? I'm not sure; I have no previous experience to go on.

In the mens' World Cup qualifying competition we are used to "minnows" like San Marino, Gibraltar and Liechtenstein conceding 6 or 7 and some people complain that "this is embarrassing; there should be a pre-qualifying competition to weed out the weakest nations" and others respond by asserting that these teams will learn, and eventually get better, by playing the top teams.

Overall I think the situation in that case is just about OK and I can see both sides of the argument. But twenty? What can Latvia learn by losing 20-0 to England? They already know they aren't very good, presumably, having conceded 46 goals in their five matches, but this must be horrendously demoralising. And there is a sense in which serious mis-matches undermine the integrity of sport. Had I been watching, I would almost certainly have switched off at half time with the score 8-0. No fun.

By the way, football commentators often use the "this could be a cricket score" phrase when faced with a team scoring five or six in the first half of a game, but this displays a certain ignorance of the game of cricket, where scores of two, three and four hundred are typical. Just saying.

Refugee Christmas

Just back from a lovely family stay in Whitstable. Highlight was yesterday's erection and decorating of the Christmas tree. I know, it's still November, but in these times of virus depression, it cheered us all up.

Last year I decided to nominate Crisis UK as my Christmas charity. I was moved by my daughter in law Gabby's interest in the plight of homeless people and have continued to donate in the last 12 months. This year I'm going for the Refugee Council. As regular readers will know, I have been exercised by the inhumane attitudes to and treatments of refugees and asylum seekers in the UK. I recognise that judgments have to be made about the legitimacy of asylum claims but expect my fellow citizens and my government to treat these people with respect while they undergo processing. Human beings, not animals. In the Council's words "we exist to support those who come to the UK in need of safety and we speak out for compassion, fairness and kindness."

The Refugee Council happens to be one of three charities chosen jointly by the Times and Sunday Times for their Christmas appeal this year. Their journalists can illuminate the issue far better than I can:

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/times-christmas-appeal-2021-our-lives-our-dreams-our-country-collapsed-the-refugee-council-helped-to-give-us-hope-again-jd66l2dp2

You might like to read the Refugee Council's tribute to the 27 men, women and children who tragically lost their lives last week whilst trying to reach safety in Britain.

https://www.refugeecouncil.org.uk/latest/news/refugee-council-pays-tribute-to-27-people-who-died-last-night/

Back to the Beginning

Storm Arwen. Apparently the first storm of the season. Storm naming runs from September each year. The UK does it jointly with the Irish and the Dutch. Which accounts, I guess, for Meabh and Vergil in the 2021/22 list. If your name is Quentin, Ursula, Xavier, Yasmin or Zak, you're out of luck, as we follow the naming convention of the US National Hurricane Center which for some reason doesn't include names starting with those letters. That frankly seems somewhat twentieth century. 

We can all suggest storm names. The Met Office tells me that more than 10,000 UK citizens did so for the current list. That's pretty poor; they need better PR. Although I imagine they don't want to get submerged by social media. Boaty McBoatface. Ruby was selected after a cat "who comes in and acts like a storm... found her name on the list" (she can read?). And "a daughter who leaves a trail of destruction when she comes in the house". Suggesting that the committee has a sense of humour. Or they were short of Rs.

Herbert

I first made the acquaintance of Herbert over two years ago.  He was introduced to me by our son-in-law who explained his many virtues and attributes.  He’s ‘fairly’ unobtrusive, lives on a wall and is the gift that keeps on giving.  The gifts take the form of a year round supply of herbs, lollo rosso, frisée, rocket, chicory, lambs lettuce .... you get the idea.   And all you have to do, is keep him supplied with seeds and water.  

Now this Herbert has been languishing in storage and very sad he’s been. No chance to display his talents and was feeling unloved.  However, he has been rescued, installed in pride of place in his new home and is giving his all.  

So impressed was I, that I ordered a companion for my dear husband who had been giving him longing looks.   

All went well,   Herbert #2 is made in Austria but was happy to join his companion in Britain.   Until - yet another vile consequence of Brexit struck.   Herbert’s new dad received a demand for £66 in import duty.  

That’s a lot of money on top of what he cost. Even if we are spared for a fair few years longer, I doubt that we shall consume sufficient greenstuff to cover his cost.  

Ah well, when we get our eternal reward, Herbert can join his brother, and the coastal family will never be on short commons.   

Pekapeka-tou-roa

This fella (using that in a non gender specific manner, as in 'guy') recently won Bird of the Year in New Zealand.

Pekapeka-tou-roa is a long-tailed bat, about the size of a human thumb.

Yes a BAT! Not a bird. And that has predictably caused outrage. Amongst genuine bird lovers. Alleging the vote was rigged.

Why would a country have a Bird of the Year vote? And do the New Zealanders vote for a Lizard of the Year, a Donkey of the Year? Is it a species of bird that is voted for or a particular animal, such as Billy The Brightest Budgie?

You'd imagine the Kiwi would be a popular choice but that hasn't been the winner since 2009 (Kiwi lovers need to mobilise). Last year's winner was the kākāpō, the only bird so far to have won the prestigious award twice. It came second this year to the  munch-maligned bat.

The competition is organised by the Royal Forest and Bird Protection Society of New Zealand aka Forest & Bird. It is not known whether there is a Forest of the Year poll (it's quite possible that if there is, it will have been won by a river). The Bird of the Year vote is not limited to members, so is very popular with the public. Well, some of the public: the population of New Zealand, as of today - courtesy of worldometers.info - is 4,822,233; 7,031 of the populace voted in the competition, with Pekapoo winning with 12% of the vote. It's forbidden to speculate whether a Proportional Representation voting system is in place.

From humble beginnings in 2006, when just 458 voters elected the New Zealand fantail the winner,

voting reached a peak in 2019 when 12,022 elected the Hoiho, or Yellow-Eyed penguin, winner with nearly a third of the votes - the most popular fella yet.

New Zealand's Department Of Conservation researchers have been collecting information about long-tailed bats in the Hanging Rock area of South Canterbury. The population is small and vulnerable, numbering only about 100 bats and still declining. So maybe we should be supportive of efforts to bring attention to their plight. Unless, of course, they were the source of SARS-CoV-2, in which case we might think again.

No Donald,

I'm just joking. Don't quote me! Now I'll get all those batophiles on my case. Oops.

Do turkeys vote for Christmas?

There is a question in the wind: should MPs be allowed to have another job at the same time? And who is going to decide the answer to that? You've got it - the MPs themselves! What do you think they will decide? Do turkeys vote for Christmas?

If the major supermarkets got together to agree the selling prices of their goods, that would be a cartel and would be referred to the Monopolies and Mergers Commission. If all the local plumbers colluded to set rates, we wouldn't allow it; we'd find someone else to do the job.

MPs already have two jobs: as constituency MPs and as legislators. It has long been my view that these functions should be separated. There is no reason why someone who listens to their constituents and helps to solve their problems should be a representative of a political party. It's a non partisan role. We should elect these people solely to perform that function; they should be independent of party and should have the constitutional right to meet Government Ministers to represent the views, issue and problems of the people of their areas. Being elected as a legislator, on the other hand, would follow the current practice. But we wouldn't need so many of them; just enough to populate Ministerial offices and their opposition counterparts, together with the membership of select committees. Given that the resulting fewer people involved - say 250 instead of the current 650 - would all be busy doing their legislative work, it would be legitimate to ban them taking second jobs.

One of the arguments about MPs (basic salary: £81,932 p.a.) having a second job is that some of those, for instance qualified doctors spending some time each week helping out the understaffed NHS, are more worthy than the obviously freeloading consultants, barristers and the like. I say No! If you want to be a doctor, be one and don't become an MP. One or the other. This is the 21st century, people!

If you say "only certain types of second jobs" or "yes but limited in some way" you create loopholes which will inevitably be used.

Another argument is that doing outside work makes you more rounded, better informed and more effective members of our political community. What, like the current lot? Yeah, that's working well.

"Lots of professional people wouldn't want to become MPs if they couldn't continue in their professions". Good riddance then.

So if MPs are too personally involved to be able to honestly vote on the question of second jobs, who should decide? We should. I'd go for a quick, binding referendum: "Should MPs have second jobs? Yes or No". If the answer is Yes, a supplementary referendum to determine the limits would be held and the results would be binding. We would need a Parliamentary Bill to:

• Make the outcomes of such referendums binding
• Allow supplementary referendums, dependent on the outcome of a primary referendum
• Issue all households with a Referendum Voting Machine so that they could be held almost instantaneously

Cloud cuckoo land? In the USA, lots of states have referendums and various other instruments for citizens to decide on important issues. If we want to do it, we can do so. Get on with it!

So it's Albania

I posted five months ago about the Government's thinking on offshore asylum processing centres. In June it was Rwanda that was being suggested. That didn't work and nor did many of the alternative locations the government has explored. Now, according to today's Times, it's Albania.

Tirana, the capital of Albania, is about 1,500 miles from London. Quite why a country with a population of just under 3 million would want to welcome some 200,000 refugees and asylum seekers is beyond me. I suppose it's down to money; presumably we would pay Albania some kind of fee as well as building the facilities and paying the costs. It's clearly more expensive to do so than housing them in the UK. Political virtue-signalling: "we promised we'd get rid of these people and that's what we're doing".

This is currently not legal but the Nationality and Borders Bill is nearing the end of its progress through the House of Commons before moving to the Lords. The Guardian reports "In an amendment tabled on Tuesday, [David] Davis is calling on MPs to remove the clause in the bill that allows asylum seekers to be removed offshore during processing." The Government has a majority of 80 - 360 obedient Conservative MPs (well 359 if you exclude David Davis) - so that's not going to happen.

When I started blogging I said my content would be trivial and non-political. That's changed a bit, as I discover things which make me angry.

This is Better

I bought a new phone. The old one - really old, i.e. about 4 years - produced truly awful photographs and I felt I was not giving my readers a good service in that respect. So I spent a few hundred pounds on a Samsung Galaxy S20 FE - just for you! Hope you're grateful.

I thought I'd better go out and give the new phone, and its multiple cameras, a bit of a run. Here are some of the results. I started in my Puzzle Room.

Went outdoors to my garden.

To Pentewan, a small village not far from me. Ranging from wide angle to telephoto:

 

Thence to Charlestown  Harbour.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Finally, as a reward, tea and cake.

The phone has a variety of camera modes.This is panorama: 

Other modes will require a great deal of patience of my part to figure out how to use them. And on your part, to see the results.

I'm very much a point and click guy. My previous phone was a simple phone for ... a simple man. My new model is a clever phone with a clever camera for ... a not so clever point and clicker.

Can you please stop making post-credits scenes?

We've all seen them; the nerds who stay seated, eyes glued to the cinema screen, while the closing credits roll. While the smart guys - us - get out pronto to get to the front of the taxi queue. 

Occasionally, though, we get caught out. It happened to me last night as I switched off (this was on TV not at the cinema) at the end of a very unsatisfying Wonder Woman 84 - not a patch on the original. I rarely read reviews of films before watching them; I don't want to be influenced by critics whose motivations are very different from mine. But I often read them afterwards. To see what others thought and occasionally, usually in spy movies, to figure out what on earth just happened.

That's how I found out that Wonder Woman 84 has a post-credits scene. If I had been in the cinema I'd have completely missed the opportunity to view the scene but I just re-viewed the film from where I had switched off and there it was. And frankly a scene of no consequence whatsoever (which actually sums up the movie anyway). Unlike the most meaningful case I encountered: the final episode of the excellent TV series Sharp Objects. Oops - I missed the reveal of the "what happened?" answer. I had just thought that not being absolutely certain of the who and how of the killing was a good ending, leaving the viewer to figure out their own solution.

Post-credits scenes were common to all seasons of Westworld but I can't think of another TV series example. It happens with a lot of Marvel movies but mostly they are teasers for the sequels.

It's my belief that it's the Moviemakers Union of Plumbers, Property Masters, Editors, Technicians and Set Decorators (MUPPETS) who insist on their members being named in the credits, as part of their contracts. Coincidentally The Muppet Movie of 1979 was one the earliest examples of a post-credits scene, when Animal

yells "Go home" at the audience.

I don't like it. I'm gonna have to train myself to watch the closing credits of everything now. Please stop!

How to win an election

The Conservative party in the UK has a single purpose: to gain, and hold on to, power. Without power, the party cannot pursue its fundamental ideologies: small government, sound national finances, free market economics and the like. The only other UK political party that comes anywhere close in terms of the ruthless lust for power are the Scottish Nationalists, whose almost single issue ideology means they need power in order to create the circumstances in which Scotland can secede from the United Kingdom.

In order to gain and regain power, the Conservatives play what they believe to be their strong cards: law and order provides a safe society, strong security provides a safe country, control of public finances and critically "don't rock the boat with risky projects". Most of all, they elect a leader who can win elections. Deviate from those tried and tested parameters and they lose elections. Check out the titles of recent Conservative party manifestos:

2017 Theresa May: "Forward, Together: Our Plan for a Stronger Britain and a Prosperous Future". WIN

2015 David Cameron: "Strong Leadership. A Clear Economic Plan. A Brighter, More Secure Future." WIN

2006 Michael Howard: "Are You Thinking What We're Thinking?" LOSS [Is this the worst political slogan ever?]

2001 William Hague: "Time for Common Sense". LOSS

(I'm ignoring "Get Brexit Done" in 2019, as a special case)

In 2019, the party elected Boris Johnson as leader - the candidate who could win an election - over Jeremy Hunt - the candidate who would probably have created and led a more effective government. (Again, Brexit was a strong issue which can't be ignored).

And so to the Labour Party. How to return to power? Rather than wait for the current government to implode, Labour needs a plan; one which:

• represents its ideologies
• plays their strong cards
• acknowledges the fundamental requirements of any government
• envisages a leader who can win an election.

The closest Labour has come to winning an election recently was in 2017 when Jeremy Corbyn, with his "For the Many, Not the Few" manifesto, almost toppled Theresa May. That manifesto met probably just two of the above requirements.

Labour's ideologies are based on fairness: the redistribution of wealth, opportunity for all, government using its economic power to serve the disadvantaged, internationalism.

Their strong cards include vigorous public services, the limitations of unfettered capitalism, empathy with the disadvantaged and vulnerable.

Labour is traditionally characterised as being weak on law and order, strong national and international security and economic competence. These are areas which need to be addressed. Ruthlessness would dictate that the shadow ministers for these areas need to be the best thinkers, reformers and performers. Politicians who can drive policy and can consistently defeat and deride their opposite numbers in the Cabinet. Let's see who we have here:

• shadow home secretary (shadowing Home Secretary Priti Patel): Nick Thomas-Symonds. No offence Nick, but you are too invisible. Patel is one of the Government's worst ministers, she should have been sacked over bullying civil servants, her immigration policies are repulsive and ineffectual and you need to be out there with humane and workable policies and challenging her every step of the way. No holds barred.
• shadow foreign secretary (shadowing Foreign Secretary LIz Truss, who has only been in post for a few weeks so it's not really possible to judge her yet): Lisa Nandy, whose background in women's and children's issues closely matches that of Truss; both of them seem ill suited to the roles they have been given. Maybe foreign affairs, post Brexit, is not the big brief it used to be. 
• shadow defence secretary (shadowing Defence Secretary Ben Wallace): John Healey. Wallace is a military man with service in Northern Ireland, Germany, Cyprus and Central America. Healey is a career politician with stints in finance, local government and housing. No offence John but this is a mis-match
• shadow chancellor (shadowing Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak): Rachel Reeves has a strong background in finance and is a strong performer in public and the House of Commons. She gets out and about, meeting people and promoting her ideas on the green economy and high street regeneration. She gives as good as she gets at the dispatch box. A square peg in a square hole.

As for an electable and trusted  leader, it's not clear yet - in my opinion - whether Keir Starmer satisfies those requirements. He is still the "not Corbyn" leader, with a large part of the party relieved to be rid of the uncertainties of the previous incumbent. This selection of key shadow cabinet posts suggests to me that Starmer wants his "team" to be nice. I'm not sure of the team thing - I'd go for strong individual performers who feel empowered by the leader to develop strong policies, promote them and challenge their opponents - and in politics "nice" gets you nowhere, frankly.

Starmer's main "attack dog" is Angela Rayner. I'm an unashamed admirer of her. She speaks to "the people" and her back story resonates with those people. An authentic politician, she clearly isn't in the Starmer mould and I'm disappointed he doesn't appear to value her. Is she best utilised as a roving rottweiler, spearing the Prime Minister and his party on corruption? For the moment, she probably does that better than anyone but I think there's a case for giving her a heavyweight shadow ministerial brief such as opposing Priti Patel. Now I'd pay for a ringside seat to that. But please, Sir Keir, don't sideline her and don't hope she'll go away. You have a weak and inexperienced team and she is a big asset.

If Rayner were moved to shadow home secretary, I'd go for Emily Thornberry as the "roving attack dog". She's wasted and invisible at International Trade and she has no experience in that.

There is much to be done to get Labour into a shape to present as a government in waiting. I believe the biggest problem is visibility. All opposition parties suffer from this but somehow the players need to make their voices heard. Do they really believe in themselves? Starmer, of course, has to do without experienced Labour politicians who have "retired" to Mayoralties (Sadiq Khan, Andy Burnham) and Select Committee Chairs (Yvette Cooper, Hilary Benn).

I've said nothing about policy. I have views on that and they will perhaps appear in due course. Meanwhile, Starmer is an inexperienced leader with an inexperienced team, they need to learn quickly. Let's hope there won't be a snap election before 2024.

Fixed-term Parliaments

The Fixed-term Parliaments Act (FTPA) was enacted after the General Election of 2010, which resulted in a hung parliament. As part of the coalition agreement between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats, the purpose of the Act was a short-term one: to prevent either coalition party causing a snap election at a time of its choosing. Under the FTPA the next general election is automatically scheduled for the first Thursday in May of the fifth year after the previous general election—or the fourth year if the date of the previous election was before the first Thursday in May.

The first election called under the Act was that of 2015. In 2019, because the Conservative government of the day could not get its Brexit Bill through the House of Commons, they introduced the Early Parliamentary General Election Bill, to take advantage of one of the exceptions provided for in the FTPA, whereby an election can take place subject to the approval of two-thirds of MPs. In a moment of egregious hubris and stupidity, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn directed his MPs to vote for the Bill ("bring it on!"), the election resulting in an overall majority of 80 for the Conservative party and the subsequent passing into law of Brexit.

The new government then proposed to repeal the FTPA ("job done; let's get back to the PM doing whatever he wants"); the Fixed-term Parliaments Act 2011 (Repeal) Bill was introduced in December 2020 and a joint Commons-Lords Committee established to consider its provisions. After the Committee reported, the Bill - renamed as Dissolution and Calling of Parliament Bill (DACOP) - was given its first reading on 12 May this year and completed all stages through the House of Commons on 13 September, being given a third reading by 312 votes to 55.

The second reading debate is scheduled for 24 November (SOON - diarise this) in the House of Lords. It's clear that this legislation will be enacted so: does it matter?

The Liberal Democrats, Green Party and Scottish Nationalists were those who voted against the DACOP. I suppose that's understandable: they will never (at least for a while) be in a position to benefit from the restoration of the power of the Prime Minister of the day to request a prorogation from the Monarch. It is clearly in the interest of the two largest parties, who expect to be competing for forming a government, to be able to call an election when they seem best placed to win it. The Labour Party manifesto of 2019 promised to repeal the FTPA on the grounds that it had "stifled democracy and propped up weak governments". They however inexplicably abstained this time round, clearly uncertain whether they supported democracy or not.

At present the FTPA is still in place and the next general election is due on 2 May 2024. Given the present government's travails, it may actually not happen until then - the DACOP still includes the "maximum five year" term limit.

Should we care about this? I guess for some of my readers a return to the old arrangement might seem more likely to result in a "get rid of Boris" moment but it might actually turn out to be the opposite; be careful what you wish for. I'm not sure that Prime Ministers are always smart enough to judge the moment to call an election. Remember Gordon Brown in 2008? Missing the opportunity after taking over from Tony Blair, he "bottled" it. The Guardian called it "the biggest unforced political error in the history of New Labour."

I turned to Wikipedia for an assessment of how the biggest democracies of the world handled the issue of fixed term parliaments. The most common appear to be fixed or maximum terms with provisions for extreme circumstances such as a deadlock between two chambers, e.g. the House of Representatives and Senate in Australia. The three "absolute", i.e. non-negotiable, fixed term parliaments are in the US, Europe and Norway. In Australia, actually, the Senate has the "fixed except for deadlock" provision but the House of Representatives has only a maximum term. There are so many weird variations that I would need a few years of constant [and sponsored] travel round the world to get you the information you need in order to judge the pros and cons of each different system.

If you don't see Boris or Geoffrey Cox in the House of Commons for the next few months, that's probably what they're doing.

Katsushika Hokusai

More stimulating paintings...I really like these. Katsushika Hokusai was a 19th century Japanese artist who used the wood block technique of ukiyo-e, which translates as "pictures of the floating world".

In the beginning there was the wave. The towering blue-and-white tsunami in the foreground of the most august of mountains in Japan, 'The Great Wave off Kanagawa' was one of Katsushika Hokusai’s series of “Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji.”

Hokusai later produced "One Hundred Views of Mount Fuji". Also from the Thirty-Six Views of Mount Fuji, though, I selected the following.

Lake Suwa Shinano Province:

Fine Wind, Clear Morning:

There are many more for you explorers to find. Let me know your favourites and, since I don't think you can insert images in comments, I'll post them for you.

Kamāl ud-Dīn Behzād

Kamāl ud-Dīn Behzād was a 15th/16th century Persian painter, living and working in the tiny city of Herat. A Great Artist in the Civilization VI computer game, we learn:

Behzad lived his life primarily in the city of Herat, in what is today Afghanistan. His miniatures were exceptional in the way that human figures and architecture were arranged on the page, creating a sense of flow that draws viewers’ eyes around the page. These miniatures were testaments to the cosmopolitanism of the time – they drew inspiration from Chinese art, portrayed individuals of all of the different peoples that lived their lives in the globally-connected empire, and focused as much on everyday moments of humanity as well as those of conquering kings. While Persian art did not forbid showing human figures (as much Muslim art did), Behzad also excelled in incorporating Persian love for architecture and geometry, creating dizzying patterns with tiles, roof gables, staircases, etc (as in the miniature Yusef and Zuleykha).

Behzad remains thought of as one of the most notable Muslim artists of the medieval period.

I thought I'd share some images of works attributed to Behzad. Let me know if, like me, you like them.

The construction of castle Khavarnaq

Battleground of Timur and the Mamluk Sultan of Egypt.

Timur granting audience on the occasion of his accession

Credibility Stretch

Man turns up at his wife's memorial and makes a speech in which he accuses her of selfishness in committing suicide.

Man (same man, let's call him Our Man for brevity), a surgeon, hooks up with a dodgy cockney (we'll call him Lee, because that's his name), who is an eco-eccentric and survivalist with a whole suite of 'rooms' deep underground beneath Temple [remember that, you'll need it later] tube station. They run a business providing medical services to those who are unwilling to go through the usual medical channels. Patching up gunshot wounds, for instance.

We discover that Our Man's wife isn't actually dead. She is in a 'hospital ward' in the underground complex, next to a laboratory in which he is continuing her research into a possible cure for her illness.

Lee brings in a mate (we'll call him Jamie) with a gunshot wound. Jamie arrives with £2 million in a brown paper bag (actually a sports bag). He ran away with the cash from a robbery, leaving his fellow robbers at the mercy of the police. Who are now looking for him. The robbers that is. And the police of course.

Jamie needs a blood transfusion but they have run out of the universal O negative. Our Man phones the only person he knows with that blood type - Anna, his wife's co-researcher and his ex lover - and 'invites' her to see his new home, where she is knocked out with chloroform and her blood used on Jamie.

Anna finds Our Man's wife and agrees to help the research.

Jamie's pregnant wife is given a 'burner' phone with which to communicate with Jamie - the underground complex has full WiFi, obviously - and not surprisingly she gets interrogated. By the police. And the mates of the by now incarcerated robbers.

Our Man discovers that his wife is suffering renal failure and needs a kidney transplant. He makes contact with an underworld supplier of kidneys and needs £100,000 to buy one. So he steals the money from Jamie's stash.

Sounds a promising plot for a TV show? It. Does. Not. Unless it's a comedy. Which Sky's Temple is not, being presented as a 'medical crime drama'.

I've watched some dross in my time as an armchair TV critic but this takes the proverbial biscuit. Want a recommendation? Avoid it like the plague. The above summary covers five episodes of this ludicrous show. There are many more but I won't be watching.

Government by Panic

The Parliamentary Standards Committee recommended that the House of Commons suspend Conservative MP Owen Paterson for 30 days for a number of 'cash for questions' offences outlined by the Standards Commissioner.

Maybe the Prime Minister was worried that the Parliamentary Standards Committee might unearth more unpalatable truths about his fellow Tories.

So he panicked, whipping his MPs to vote against the motion - normally approved unanimously - to suspend Paterson. 13 of them voted in favour of the motion to suspend, i.e.  against the Government and 38 (shamefully - do you not care about this important issue?) abstained. A Minister was sacked.

Today the government reversed its stance and promised a repeat of the suspension vote. The Minister was un-sacked.

Later Owen Paterson resigned as an MP. So there will no longer be a re-vote.

Could the government have handled this any worse?

Cornelis Gert Jan

The Cornelis Gert Jan is a British trawler that was impounded by the French authorities in the UK-France fishing dispute, part of the residual outcome of issues in the Brexit trade deal with the EU which were "kicked down the road" for future resolution in order to get the deal done in time for 31 December 2020.

But the most important part of this dispute is not Brexit. The ship is a scallop dredger, an irresponsible and destructive type of "fishing" which scoops up layers of the sea bed, destroying habitat and ruining fishing for years to come. You can see the heavy metal [no! not Black Sabbath, my musical friends] scoops used here:

openseas.org.uk tells us "Scallop dredging is known to have the most severe ecological effect of all UK marine fisheries because of the damage and mortality it causes to the seabed habitat and species that live there." These effects are known to governments and they typically designate a limited number of areas where bottom dredging is allowed. A 2014 report for the University of York states "The king scallop fishery is the fastest growing fishery in the UK and currently the second most valuable. The UK is also home to the largest queen scallop fishery out of all of Europe ... the majority of scallop landings (95%) are made by vessels towing scallop dredges."

I tried reasonably hard to find out in what proportion of the coastal waters of the UK dredging is allowed but, unable to raise enough enough enthusiasm to wade through academic reports, I suggest we all get someone to submit a Freedom of Information request to answer the question.

Responsibility

 

We’ve recently acquired a new hybrid car which has a speed limiter on it. It automatically reads the speed signs and slows down to prevent you from exceeding the limit.  

We were driving along the A2 to the GC and suddenly the car slowed from 50 to 20 mph. There was a 20 sign which hadn’t been removed after roadworks.  I immediately contacted Highways England explaining how dangerous it was and that if anyone had been travelling behind there would have been a very nasty accident.  

The reply was ‘it’s not our responsibility, at this point the A2 becomes part of TfL’s responsibility’.

I found it so hard to believe that they wouldn’t even bother to inform TfL about such a dangerous sign.   

I then contacted TfL, it took three emails and eventually a very sharp Twitter message before it was finally removed. And no acknowledgement whatsoever.

Another friend  had a similar thing on the boat going from Leeds to Mirfield. A lorry had come off the M62 & part of a safety barrier was blocking the Navigation. (Miraculously lorry driver not injured). But Canal & River Trust said Navigation would be closed for a week! When her husband protested, they said it was Highways England responsibility. Highways England referred them back to C&R Trust!

Fortunately her husband’s 40 years as a bridge engineer came in handy & he knew which words would trigger action, and the Navigation was re-opened the next day. 

So why is this such a common experience and is it new or was it always the case that jobsworths were in the majority. 

It’s not so much people sticking to their defined roles that’s the problem (working within your competency matters) but the unwillingness to think beyond their own remit and help a customer/client/ patient find the person or department who can actually do something to help.  

“I’m sorry I can’t help you, but I know someone who can” & then acting on that goes a very long way to counteracting a negative impression and making things run smoothly.

But I think that unwillingness to deal with an issue and even pass a message on is an aspect of modern day service that still takes me by surprise though it is so commonly encountered now. People have to feel valued in their role and they just don’t. 

I hear lots of stories of staff leaving the NHS for example because they are not listened to, or bullied by managers or senior staff, this inevitably affects how they interact with patients who then behave negatively towards the staff and it becomes a vicious circle. 

People’s perception of the NHS in particular is changing and largely they no longer feel grateful, but let down  by a system that should be doing better for them. 

Experiences like these just shouldn’t happen & lack of funding isn’t an excuse or reason for swerving responsibility. 

All of it is demoralising for those who work in the system & leads to a couldn’t care less attitude. If you see the system not working on a daily basis, and you personally can’t do anything about it, is a grim situation to be in. 

Everything,  it seems,  is done on a shoestring, often by employees who are poorly trained/ not equipped to handle non- standard situations helpfully/ usefully/ sensibly.  It is so often someone else who's responsible although there are a few exceptions who need to be treasured and affirmed. 

I've got my trumpet ready

I never liked the sound of bagpipes. So miserable and whiney. I was intrigued by the news that a "man with a Scottish accent and wearing Hibernian Football Club shorts took [his bagpipes] out of his car and knelt down to play loudly in the faces of the [Insulate Britain] protesters. According to telegraph.co.uk 'He said: “They are holding up ambulances, fire trucks. Disgraceful. You're damaging your cause. What I was doing, obnoxiously, bagpiping in your face, is what you're doing to all this traffic - you're obnoxiously holding up people's lives."'

Rumours that the man was Alistair Campbell were denied by friends of the New Labour spin doctor who said "Alistair would never kneel to anyone".

The protesters were blocking the A40 but started their campaign by doing so on and around the M25. Which is why, when I next go to Kent, I shall be taking my trumpet with me. I reckon I can make more frightening noise than a bagpiper although, given it will be more pleasant, I might just gain a rapt audience.

I felt I should at least find out what Insulate Britain's aims are. They have two simple "demands":

1. That the UK government immediately promises to fully fund and take responsibility for the insulation of all social housing in Britain by 2025;

2. That the UK government immediately promises to produce within four months a legally binding national plan to fully fund and take responsibility for the full low-energy and low-carbon whole-house retrofit, with no externalised costs, of all homes in Britain by 2030 as part of a just transition to full decarbonisation of all parts of society and the economy.

On the face of it these seem entirely reasonable. IB's analysis is robust:

The UK has some 29 million homes and they are the oldest and least energy efficient housing stock in Europe. Every year vast amounts of precious energy are wasted in heating and, increasingly, cooling our buildings. 

In order to meet UK commitments under the Paris Agreement to stay below 1.5C, and legal obligations under the Climate Change Act 2008, as amended in 2019, emissions from heating and powering homes must be reduced by 78% in less than 15 years and then to zero by 2050. 

Nearly 15% of the UK’s total emissions comes from heating homes: an overhaul of the energy performance of the UK’s housing stock is needed to reduce the energy demand.

So is the government not interested in this issue? I guess it's the sheer scale and cost of it. The Green Homes Grant scheme was discontinued after just six months but there are still home energy grants such as the Warm Home Discount but this is applied as a rebate to your electricity bills - unless, of course, your supplier has recently gone bust. Reasonably, the discount prioritises vulnerable people and others in need. I think the government is committed to home insulation as one of the means of moving towards carbon neutrality, but there is a vast space between the government's fiscal means, its pace of change and Insulate Britain's "do it sooner" demands.

As with many protest movements, the drastic tactics of Insulate Britain - an offshoot of Extinction Rebellion - are designed to draw attention to the cause (surely a worthy one) at the risk of alienating the public opinion that is eventually necessary to give the government a shot in the arm. Guerrilla tactics are no substitute for a mass movement; indeed, they may hinder that very swelling of public opinion that should be the ultimate goal.

Early next month I'll probably be in my (diesel😠 sorry IB!) car on the M25. If I meet them, I'll get my trumpet out and attempt a deal with the protesters: "I'll play you the whole of the Trumpet Voluntary if you let me (oh and maybe my fellow drivers) go on our merry way".

Think it'll work?

Aisle 26

Aisle 26 sounds like a movie title; think District 9, Super 8. But no, it's the answer to a quiz question I posed today to an Asda employee: "where can I find tofu?"

My lunch today was a feta, tomato, pecan, tofu and olives salad, with a sprinkling of Greek Extra Virgin Olive Oil. It's an interesting mix of quite strong flavours, of which the tofu is probably the most piquant. Surprisingly the pecans almost disappeared in terms of flavour, which was a disappointment. I created this concoction after, concerned that I couldn't get my weight back to normal after lockdown gains, I researched foods which were healthy and low carbohydrate.

I discovered that nuts are good sources of "good carbs" (net carbs = carbs minus fiber) and walnuts and pecans particularly so. Tofu is low in calories but high in protein and fat (presumably "good" fat). Feta is lower in calories than most cheeses. Olives are one of the staple components of Mediterranean diets. Olive oil has zero carbs. Followed by some raspberries and strawbs (low carbs, high fiber, containing antioxidants) and a glass of water.

I'm not fetishing, just trying some hopefully healthy options. Better than a bacon sarnie and a beer though.

To be honest, I find the texture of tofu takes some getting used to. We'll see about that.