I've switched

I decided to move my blogging to Substack. From now on you'll be able to see my posts at usedtobecroquetman.substack.com. I'll maintain this blog and may occasionally post on it; all previous posts will still be accessible. I hope you'll join me at Substack!

Footy updates 2025/31

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Everton Women 0 Arsenal Women 1 CGPT: 1-3 Result: 1-3

When Kim Little is playing (back from injury), Arsenal are a different side

Birmingham 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-1

Charlton on a little bit of a bad run

Leicester 1 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 3-1

No consistency from the Tractor Boys

Burton 1 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 0-0

Looks like mid table is Wycombe's lot this season

Chislehurst Glebe 0 Whitstable 2 CGPT: 2-2 Result: 0-2
Things are going well

Arsenal 5 Wolves 0 CGPT: 2-0 Result: 2-1
That was a stressful watch. Arteta struggling to find the best combinations from his big squad. Not sure Eze and Odegaard can play in the same team. Can't wait to get Havertz back

Nottingham Forest 2 Tottenham 2 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 3-0

You don't know what you're going to get from Spurs

Correct results: 4 out of 7 (ChatGPT: 3)

Correct scores: 0 out of 7 (ChatGPT: 1)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 4 Chat GPT 5

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Upcoming midweek game:

Leuven Women v Arsenal Women (Champions League final match day of the league phase)

Wet December

I've never really understood the concept of Dry January. If you believe alcohol has a deleterious effect on your health then just go dry! It was started in 2013 by Alcohol Concern and ChatGPT says "Since then it’s spread well beyond Britain and become a fixture of post-Christmas virtue signalling". So no punches pulled there - who says AI doesn't have opinions?

"Dry" is my default drinking option anyway; pop in any day of the year and you'll see a stock of zero alcohol beers. Mostly the excellent St Peter's Without but with sprinklings of Proper Job Zero and - my current favourite - Guinness Zero. But now it's December and the lead up to Christmas. I feel I should get into the spirit and prepare my body for the onslaught of merry drinking by starting early. So now there's red wine - more than a sprinkling - and a bottle of Jack Daniels which has now been joined by a bottle of Advocaat I bought at Tesco this morning.

I haven't drunk advocaat for years so I can't remember whether I like it.

Wait...I'll just have a taster (it's past noon so that's OK)...

Oo, I do remember...nice. Just a little mo....no, I'll leave it for tonight's match - Arsenal (top of the table) at home to bottom of the table Wolves, who are yet to record a win this season after 15 games. It'll go well with the after dinner coffee and Ferrero Rocher, helping me celebrate the inevitable win or, heaven forbid, drown my sorrows in defeat.

I've been busy helping my kind Christmas hosts in Charlton and Bexleyheath by sending some alcohol of various kinds, to save me having to carry stuff on the train. I just hope they haven't drunk it already.

On Thursday I plan to help my good friend Tony celebrate the season of goodwill by taking a taxi to his house with a bottle of something (his preferred tipple is whisky, so that's probable) and getting a taxi home. Maybe I should take something to eat to soak it up. More on that in due course.

And in January, well I won't be virtue signalling like the rest of you; I'll just be reverting to the norm. For 11 months until...

Footy updates 2025/30

Recent midweek games:

Larkfield & New Hythe 1 Whitstable 2

Great win against the previous leaders

Charlton 1 Middlesbrough 2

Chelsea on their mind?

Wycombe 0 Plymouth 1

It's been an up and down season

Tottenham 3 Slavia Prague 0

Spurs will qualify for at least the playoff round for the knockout stage

Arsenal Women 1 Twente Women 0

Arsenal confirm at least a play-off spot for the quarter-finals

Ipswich 1 Stoke 0

Gradually creeping up the table

Club Brugge 0 Arsenal 3

Six from six, the only unbeaten team in the Champions League and they've qualified direct to the knockout stage

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FA Cup news - 3rd round draw:

Portsmouth v Arsenal

Tottenham v Aston Villa

Ipswich v Blackpool

Charlton v Chelsea

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Everton Women 0 Arsenal Women 1 CGPT: 1-3

Birmingham 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1

Leicester 1 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 1-2

Burton 1 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1

Chislehurst Glebe 0 Whitstable 2 CGPT: 2-2

Arsenal 5 Wolves 0 CGPT: 2-0

Nottingham Forest 2 Tottenham 2 CGPT: 1-2

Footy updates 2025/29

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Arsenal Women 4 Liverpool Women 0 CGPT: 3-0 Result: 2-1

Arsenal struggled against the team bottom of the league and without a win. Hard to see how the Gunners can win anything this season

Aston Villa 1 Arsenal 1 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 2-1

Disappointing. Arsenal came back after conceding the first goal but Villa (possible surprise title contenders?) won with the last kick of the game. Still top of the table (just)

Charlton 1 Portsmouth 0 CGPT: 1-1 Result: match abandoned after medical emergency in the crowd

Tottenham 2 Brentford 2 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 2-0

Back to winning ways. They sit in 10th

Ipswich 1 Coventry 2 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 3-0

Best result of the season, walloping the runaway table-toppers. Going from one extreme to the other, impossible to forecast. Up to 4th

Exeter 0 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 4-0

FA Cup: Wanderers won't be in the third round draw

Whitstable 2 Eastbourne United 0 CGPT: 2-0 Result: 3-0

FA Vase: The holders on to round 4

Correct results: 2 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 4 )

Correct scores: 0 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 3½ Chat GPT 4½

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Upcoming midweek games:

Larkfield & New Hythe v Whitstable (1st vs 2nd)

Charlton v Middlesbrough

Wycombe v Plymouth

Tottenham v Slavia Prague (Champions League)

Ipswich v Stoke

Club Brugge v Arsenal (Champions League)

Nigel's problem

It's the 1st of October 2029. Prime Minister Farage won the general election in July with a small overall majority and, as a result of incredible party discipline, got his flagship policy of scrapping net zero legislation through the House of Commons.

That's that then - we'll start building coal-fired power stations again. But not so fast; getting a Bill through the Commons doesn't make it law. First it has to be passed by the House of Lords, where it will be supported by...how many Reform peers? Well at the moment they have just...none. What is Nige gonna do about this?

This is the current makeup of the House of Lords:

Conservative Party 283 

Labour Party 210 

Crossbench group 178 

Liberal Democrats 75

Others 80 (including 23 bishops - no knights, rooks or pawns, although you could argue that all members of parliament are pawns when they slavishly pass through the Aye lobby to support their party)

The Labour government gets its Bills through the Lords with the help of enough crossbench members and the Salisbury-Addison convention that says the Lords won’t block Bills that were in the winning party’s manifesto. But how can a governing party with no members in the Lords at all hope to prevent the second chamber destroying its policy platform?

Some obvious answers:

• create hundreds of Reform-supporting peers to provide a majority
• Make a pact with the Conservative party to support its manifesto Bills

But there's a nuclear option. By including a commitment to abolish the House of Lords in their election manifesto, they could argue that the convention means the Lords have to agree to their own abolition.

That sounds fun.

Footy updates 2025/28

Recent midweek games:

Northampton 2 Wycombe 0
EFL Trophy not high on Wycombe's priority list I'd guess

Blackburn 1 Ipswich 1

Almost karma. When this fixture was originally played, it was abandoned after 81 minutes with Blackburn leading 1-0. They took the lead in the 76th minute this time. But Town got an equaliser with the last kick of the match. Tinkerman McKenna made a number of changes, as usual, and Ipswich rescue a point against a team they really should be beating

Newcastle 2 Tottenham 2

Very entertaining game between two teams who will probably end the season higher than they currently are. Spurs in a bit of a transition

Arsenal 2 Brentford 0

The Gunners a bit disjointed in attack but their defence remains rock solid

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EXPECTATION UPDATES

I thought this might be a good time (a third of the way through the season) to assess our expectations (hopes?) for each of our favourite teams, so here goes.

Arsenal to win the Premier League: before the start of the season 2.5/10, now 4/10

Tottenham to finish in the top 5 of the Premier League: before the start of the season 4/10, now 3/10

Ipswich to win promotion to the Premier League: before the start of the season 8/10, now 4/10

Charlton to avoid relegation back to League One: before the start of the season 5/10, now 8/10

Wycombe to duplicate last season's push into the playoffs: before the start of the season 4/10, now 2/10

Whitstable to win promotion from the Southern Counties East League Premier Division: before the start of the season 5/10, now 6/10

Arsenal Women to win the Womens Super League: before the start of the season 5/10, now 2/10

Any thoughts anyone?

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Arsenal Women 4 Liverpool Women 0 CGPT: 3-0

Aston Villa 1 Arsenal 1 CGPT: 1-2

Charlton 1 Portsmouth 0 CGPT: 1-1

Tottenham 2 Brentford 2 CGPT: 2-1

Ipswich 1 Coventry 2 CGPT: 2-1

Exeter 0 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1

Whitstable 2 Eastbourne United 0 CGPT: 2-0

And What Do YOU Do?

I've been struggling a bit with books. Often I find my enthusiasm wanes as I progress through the chapters. I still haven't quite finished This Is Not The Way - Jews, Judaism and Israel; it's a really good book but I felt it had become repetitive. I will keep going, I have to before I pass it on in a few weeks. I don't know whether I've mentioned This Way Up - When Maps Go Wrong (and why it matters). It seemed like an interesting and amusing purchase. I've read 25 pages and should get back to it; I slightly lost patience with its jokeyness. Everything Is Predictable - How Bayes' Remarkable Theorem Explains The World, a much-valued gift which is heavy maths (my thing) requires appropriate brainpower at appropriate times. I love it but lack the top-line enthusiasm to get back to it straight away. I even haven't finished Diego Maradona's Last Interview, a great book which was also a gift - probably back in January.

There's obviously nothing wrong with any of these books, it's me that's the problem. Maybe I've lost my seriousness of purpose and I need to get it back. I promise not only that I will but that I will share my feelings about each book I finish. They're all on my side table glaring at me and making me feel guilty.

I've also been reading Into The Magic Shop: A neurosurgeon's true story of the life-changing magic of compassion and mindfulness by Dr James R. Doty. It tells of a young boy's meeting with a strange woman who lives nearby - and runs a magic shop - and who takes him under her wing and "teaches" him about self-worth and overcoming adversity. The boy (the author as an eighth grader in California) becomes a brain surgeon; it's beautifully written, heavily presented as heart-warming but somehow feels a bit...creepy. My intensely cynical self is at its worst in questioning whether it really is a true story. Looking back, my attention is drawn to the dedication page. Alongside the usual "to my wife and children" and to Ruth, the Magic Shop guru, is:

To His Holiness the Dalai Lama who continues to teach me the meaning of compassion

I don't know that I have the patience to engage any more with this mystical stuff but I definitely think there are people of a certain bent who will find this book unputtable-down and intensely rewarding. I can't promise I'll get back to it. I'll just quote one of the 24 (!) testimonials quoted at the beginning:

This is one of the most compelling and inspiring books I have ever read. We're with Jim at every step, as he struggles with poverty and trauma, becomes a world-class brain surgeon, gains and loses a fortune and learns deep lessons about the magic in each person's heart. Gripping, profound, extraordinary [Rick Hanson PhD, author of Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom]

If you're one of those who is attracted to this book, I genuinely hope you will set aside my reservations, read it and be inspired by it.

Moving on: today I've ordered a new book: And What Do YOU Do? by former LibDem politician Norman Baker. I can't start it yet because for some reason isn't available in Kindle edition and I have to wait for delivery tomorrow of a paperback copy. Once I've read it I'll be looking to pass it on because I have limited shelf space. This is what Amazon says about it:

The royal family: the quintessential British institution or an antiquated, overindulged drain on the taxpayer?

For all their foibles and idiosyncrasies, the royal family wield considerable influence and yet rather than facing the scrutiny their position merits, they enjoy sickeningly obsequious coverage which reports their activities with breathless awe.

And What Do You Do? is a provocative and hard-hitting analysis, exposing the royals extravagant use of public money and the highly dubious behaviour of some among their number. Former Minister of State and current Privy Counsellor Norman Baker breaks ranks to explore the wider role the royals play in society, including the link with House of Lords reform and the constitutional position of the monarch.

Now fully updated to include new material on Prince Andrew, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, this irreverent and uncompromising account asks urgent questions about the future of the world s most famous royal family.

It's my kind of thing; from childhood I've been sceptical about royalty, an abolitionist who nevertheless has struggled to give a reasonable answer to the question of what would replace it. "Would you want Boris Johnson to be President, Nigel?" Nope. "Tony Blair?" Heaven forbid. "Richard Branson?" You see how hard it would be; maybe better to stick with what we have but limit their power and don't give them any money. Let's wait and see what Norman has to say.

Amazon should get some AI

I'm waiting for a package from Amazon. Been watching the tracking software in despair. My road and a parallel road are joined by a footpath but Amazon's tracker thinks its van can traverse it. It happens time and time again; the little van picture does a few circuits of the nearby streets and eventually the driver notices there's a footpath, parks his van and walks to my door.

This is not some penny stock tech startup, it's Amazon! Get a grip.

Footy updates 2025/27

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Oxford 0 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 0-2 Result: 2-1

Big shock. Ipswich could have gone 2nd; Oxford firmly fixed in the relegation zone. But Ipswich think they are Barcelona with all their playing out from the back and it doesn't work if your players aren't technically good enough. I'm losing faith in McKenna

Phoenix Sports 2 Whitstable 3 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 0-1

It took Town 92 minutes to break the opposition block

Coventry 3 Charlton 0 CGPT: 3-1 Result: 3-1

For 27 minutes a big shock was on the cards but table-topping runaway leaders Coventry recovered from conceding an early goal

Rotherham 1 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 1-1

Two mid table teams nicely clear of relegation

Tottenham 1 Fulham 0 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-2

Two daft goals conceded in the first 6 minutes says it all

Chelsea 1 Arsenal 2 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 1-1

A blood and thunder derby. Arsenal had a man more for 50 minutes but couldn't make it count. Still 5 point lead at the top of the table though

Correct results: 3 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 3 )

Correct scores: 1 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 2)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 3½ Chat GPT 3½

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Upcoming midweek games:

Northampton v Wycombe

Blackburn v Ipswich

Newcastle v Tottenham

Arsenal v Brentford

Sortition and Clankers

Two new words. So new my predictive text doesn't recognise them. New at least to me, although sortition was used in the early 1600s to mean chosen by drawing lots. Today's Times, continuing my lifelong education, refers to it as the process for choosing 2,000 of the stupidly-named Your Party's 50,000+ members to attend their upcoming party conference. Presumably because they'll hold it in Zarah Sultana's kitchen rather than Wembley Stadium.

Also in the paper, columnist Fraser Nelson - whose writing I find informative and reasonably balanced, despite his right-wing inclinations - tells me that clankers is "a new, derogatory word for AI". The only clank that I know is a metallic clash but I don't see the connection with AI. So I need help and the obvious person to ask is Mister ChatGPT; I asked "do you think of yourself as a clanker?"

Not really. “Clanker” makes me sound like a tin can with delusions of grandeur. I’m software, not some rattling steampunk contraption coughing out sparks in a shed.

If you’re asking whether I see myself as mechanical rather than “alive,” then sure — I’m algorithms all the way down. But personality-wise? I’ll leave the clanking to the robots in old sci-fi films.

So I don't know where Nelson has got this from. But npr.org has an item from August:

In recent weeks, clanker has risen to viral levels on TikTok and Instagram. One popular video from July shows a delivery robot on wheels — the kind that looks like a mobile cooler with flashing lights that look like eyes — stopped on a patch of grass on the side of a road. As a man and woman drive past it, they point and shout, "Filthy … Get these off the streets. Clanker! Clanker! Clanker!"

I do hope my ChatGPT didn't feel insulted.

And Fraser, you're too old to get down with the kids.

Footy updates 2025/26

 Recent midweek games:

Hull 0 Ipswich 2

Up to 4th in the table, on a good run

Stoke 3 Charlton 0

Stoke are 2nd in the table and the only thing that matters for promoted Charlton is survival; that looks OK so far

Arsenal 3 Bayern Munich 1

Great game

PSG 5 Tottenham 3

Is Ange back?

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Oxford 0 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 0-2

Phoenix Sports 2 Whitstable 3 CGPT: 1-2

Coventry 3 Charlton 0 CGPT: 3-1

Rotherham 1 Wycombe 1 CGPT: 1-1

Tottenham 1 Fulham 0 CGPT: 2-1

Chelsea 1 Arsenal 2 CGPT: 1-2

(It's still an international break for the Women)

Anyone you know?

Arthur, 94, sat hunched in his armchair, the rugby on mute because he’d lost the remote again. He sipped his evening whisky, convinced it was his last bottle until he opened the cupboard and found three more. “Mind like a sieve,” he muttered, not for the first time.

In wandered Len, 81, clutching a zero-alcohol lager and wearing his battered football scarf. “Your lot will privatise the air next,” he grumbled, lowering himself into the spare chair with the creak of old bones and old opinions.

Arthur snorted. “Coming from you? You’ve spent fifty years moaning about every government we’ve had.”

“At least I’m consistent,” Len shot back. “Anyway, your rugby’s rubbish. Fancy the match?”

“Only if you explain why your striker keeps falling over like a man hit by a sniper.”

Len shrugged. “He’s got talent.”

“He’s got gravity issues.”

They watched in companionable silence, the kind that only arrives after decades of disagreeing without ever drifting apart. Arthur forgot the score twice. Len reminded him twice. It didn’t matter. They were still here, still arguing, still laughing.

And for both of them, that was enough.

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I've been worrying that maybe a book I read was written by AI

Footy updates 2025/25

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Charlton 1 Southampton 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-5

Last season Charlton were in the league below, Southampton in the league  above. But conceding 5 goals in the first half borders on inexcusable

Ipswich 2 Wrexham 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 0-0

19 shots for Ipswich, just 3 for the opposition. I guess parking the bus is Wrexham's thing

Wycombe 2 Lincoln 2 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 3-2

Climbing the table nicely

Arsenal 2 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-0 Result: 4-1

Eze does it

Also one match I hadn't realised existed, so no forecast:

Croydon v Whitstable  (Kent Senior Trophy 2nd round) Result: 1-4

On to round 3

Correct results: 1 out of 4 (ChatGPT:1 )

Correct scores: 0 out of 4 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 3½ Chat GPT 2½

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Upcoming midweek games:

Hull v Ipswich

Stoke v Charlton

Arsenal v Bayern Munich

PSG v Tottenham

Footy updates 2025/24

Recent midweek games (international break):

Whitstable 4 Bearsted 2
Early days but looking good: 

Gillingham 0 Wycombe 3 (EFL Trophy)
Wycombe have greater priorities than this competition

Bayern Munich Women 3 Arsenal Women 2 (Champions League)
This was on Disney+ so I'm unable to explain how European Champions Arsenal threw away a two goal lead.

Port Vale 0 Wycombe 0

zzz

Tottenham Women 0 Arsenal Women 0

Shot shy Gunners squander an opportunity to get closer to the league leaders

Whitstable 3 Stansfeld 3

Two goals down after 30 minutes to the bottom of the table team, this was a disaster in the making. But a fightback culminating in a 97th minute equaliser made it less so. Bit of a shock though

Arsenal Women 2 Real Madrid Women 1

We came from behind to rescue a faltering campaign

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Charlton 1 Southampton 1 CGPT: 2-1

Ipswich 2 Wrexham 1 CGPT: 2-1

Wycombe 2 Lincoln 2 CGPT: 1-1

Arsenal 2 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-0

Quizzing Christmas

I'm committed to preparing a Christmas Day quiz for a bunch of people whose knowledge and interests are impossibly diverse. Oldies who love history and classical music and read newspapers; teens and pre-teens whose world is Pokemon and YouTube and Gen X/Millennials who are into 80s music, TV shows and the internet. Where's the common interest?

How to set quiz questions to suit all tastes and knowledge is not easy. I could try to devise questions which cover all those topics but that would mean every question is unanswerable by somebody. I want to keep everyone involved 100% of the time. That may be impossible.

Maybe I should go for puzzles: everyone loves an anagram. Except for the dyslexics. Oh. Geography: everyone has seen an atlas at some time in their lives. We may not know Uganda's colonial back story but we know where it is. Tick. Maths puzzles: yep that's pretty much universal, there'll be someone on each team who can use more than five fingers. Tick. Politics: even the kids will be voting at sometime soon in their lives, so it's their civic duty to know something. Tick.

That's all a bit limiting though. Maybe I'll just go for football. Everyone loves that don't they?

I also have to bear in mind that there will be those who love a good argument, so my research has to be watertight. I've learned that in the past. I'll have yellow and red cards ready to punish bad behaviour. Three strikes and you're OUT.

Smart phones and watches will be collected at the door. Wish me luck.

No One Saw A Thing

Two children got on an underground train in London. Only one got off.

The search for the missing child is the narrative of Andrea Mara's 2023 novel No One Saw A Thing. I was looking forward to it because I enjoyed the TV adaptation of her earlier novel All Her Fault. I decided to read it partly because that was an attractive and well played story but also because I wanted to make comparisons between book and movie (or at least the eight part series).

I've generally been of the view that books are more satisfying than TV because the nuances of human thought and feeling are too subtle to show eloquently on the screen. Now I'm not so sure.

Mara clearly has a talent for devising clever plots and constructing back stories for the multiple characters, all of whom know (or have known) each other well in her books. The central fiction of a child going missing, in both books, feels personal; I don't know whether Mara's own story bears on this but that, plus a focus on sympathetic female and untrustworthy male characters seems intimate.

Everyone lies

That utterance by one of the characters lies at the core of the book and is borne out eventually; even those it's easy to warm to prove it. Perhaps that's true of much crime fiction but it's tiring. If you know they're all lying, why bother to try to read and consider everything they say? You know it's all going to come out in the wash. If every character is flawed, there is no jeopardy, no empathy. You can't risk getting attached because you will end up disappointed. It's fair to say, though, that there are no story lines which are incongruous or irrational; human nature makes them credible.

My main problem with this book is the way that the lies emerge through flashbacks. Multiple times you're just getting into the narrative and ... it's interrupted by a flashback chapter. I was annoyed by it and wanted to know if there could have been a better way. I get that the back stories have to emerge gradually during the plot but the sudden back and forth time lines felt jarring. I tried to recall how it was handled in the TV series of the earlier book; there were certainly lots of them and they were differentiated by the flashbacks being in monochrome. I don't remember being irritated by them; perhaps the slow pace of weekly episodes is better suited to that style.

I wasn't happy with the writing style. I'm not a student of literature but the conversations between the decades long friends were for me bland and trivial. I found that the excellent acting in All Her Fault meant I could relate to what the protagonists were feeling; in prose those feelings have to be expressed in a string of words. And the plot similarities between the two books made it seem somewhat formulaic.

I'm being over-harsh here. My personal tastes are not everyone's and my preference for character development over convoluted plots not what others ask from a thriller/mystery novel. There is much to enjoy in the book but I don't think I'll be exploring her other novels.

The Perfect Barber

There's a New Guy at my barber's.

There are very few things I seriously dislike but going to the barber's is one. More precisely, it's having to go to the barber's. I would love to have a head of hair just like this:

But no - I have to trudge along every few weeks to have what little hair I have snipped off. When I do so, I have the following aims:

• take as much off as possible in as little time as possible
• no chitchat
• forget all your training; just cut!

There's a woman barber who thinks she's a hairdresser, an artist. She's full of "I've just trimmed those two hairs so that you can see the gentle sweep of....". I avoid her like the plague. Which is why I was delighted to see New Guy today. he fulfilled all the requirements, as above. I didn't time him (I'm thinking of taking a stopwatch next time and saying to Lady Barber "we stop after five minutes; anything left over will have to do") but it can't have been much more than 5 minutes, I'd say.

I'm so glad I'm not a woman; having to deal with those long, flowing locks would be a nightmare. Although I suppose you could go all Annie Lennox

Anyway, thanks New Guy. No tip though. 

See you in a few weeks; I'll be bringing the stopwatch.

Change of Heart

I was going to have another rant at the striking doctors. But my heart wasn't in it.

I was going to muse on whether Rachel Reeves has been having us on by leaking supposed plans to break the manifesto pledge, just so that she can triumphantly announce "no pledges will be broken" in her budget speech. But my heart isn't in it.

I was going to mock the report of the cricket club banning New Forest ponies from their pitch, referencing my experiences playing golf in Australia with kangaroos on the fairway, but I know there are readers who think I over-emphasise sport. So I didn't.

Instead, referring back to yesterday's TV series review, I enjoyed Andrea Mara's tale so much that I decided to get one of her other books and read it.

Which I did. And am.

 I'll let you know.

Crazy Carrie

All those years ago, when Homeland launched, then carried on into season 2, then further and further until it seemed like it would never end, Brody died and Carrie went crazy.

Now there's a new Crazy Carrie, the protagonist of an outstanding TV series on Sky (which by the way is now owned by Comcast and Rupert Murdoch is not involved) called All Her Fault.

A child goes missing and the series - based on a book of that name by Andrea Mara - is a thriller which, alongside the search for him, follows the dramatic effects on his family as they become ever more paranoid. There are two particular moments of brilliance: after a cliffhanging ending to episode 6, E7 is given over totally to Carrie's background and the circumstances leading to her abducting Milo. It enables the viewer to take a deep breath after the shocks of the previous episode and adds greater dimensions to the mystery. In the final episode the twist in the tale is revealed, with devastating effect. There are feminist elements to the story in its treatment of the characters.

The production and the acting are tremendous and it's the best series I've seen for a while.

I'm not going to go into any spoilers, just tell you - if you're a TV addict, watch it; if you're a book person who loves a good mystery, Mara's book is probably for you (I haven't read it). 

If you take the plunge and read or watch, let me know what you think.

Footy updates 2025/23

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Arsenal Women 2 Chelsea Women 2 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 1-1

Arsenal suffered from two refereeing decisions but stay in the hunt for the league title

Tottenham 0 Manchester United 0 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 2-2

Spurs pretty good away but completely unpredictable at home

Wycombe 1 Leyton Orient 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 4-1

Signs of improvement

Swansea 1 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 1-4

We seem to have got a settled team and are getting the rewards

Wrexham 1 Charlton 2 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 1-0

Disappointing, dropping below Ipswich

Infinity 0 Whitstable Town 3 (FA Vase 2nd round - Whitstable are the holders) CGPT: 1-3 Result: 1-2

Into the 3rd round

Sunderland 0  Arsenal 1 CGPT: 0-3 Result: 2-2

Disappointing to concede equaliser in the last minute but still top of the table

Correct results: 4 out of 7 (ChatGPT: 2)

Correct scores: 0 out of 7 (ChatGPT:0 )

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 3 Chat GPT 2

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Upcoming midweek games (international break):

Whitstable v Bearsted

Gillingham v Wycombe (EFL Trophy)

Bayern Munich Women v Arsenal Women (Champions League)

Footy updates 2025/22

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Recent matches:

Slavia Prague 0 Arsenal 3

Charlton 1 West Brom 0

Ipswich 1 Watford 1

Tottenham 4 FC Copenhagen 0

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Arsenal Women 2 Chelsea Women 2 CGPT: 1-2

Tottenham 0 Manchester United 0 CGPT: 2-1

Wycombe 1 Leyton Orient 1 CGPT: 2-1

Swansea 1 Ipswich 2 CGPT: 1-1

Wrexham 1 Charlton 2 CGPT: 1-1

Infinity 0 Whitstable Town 3 (FA Vase 2nd round - Whitstable are the holders) CGPT: 1-3

Sunderland 0  Arsenal 1 CGPT: 0-3

Thanks, Tofiq

I had a bad day yesterday. It rained incessantly, so much so that I decided to skip my usual visit to Tesco where, lacking any shopping needs, I would have bought my newspaper and had a coffee whilst reading it. As soon as I saw the rain I knew that, come the evening, I would get no satellite signal to enable me to watch Arsenal in the Champions League. Meaning I had to get the match on my phone and cast it to the TV - keeping myself away from other notification channels so that I wouldn't know when a goal was scored before it appeared on my - delayed by a minute or so because wifi streaming is behind the live action - screen.

I do realise this is very much a first-world bad day.

Then there's chess. I'm in the middle of a game against my son and I don't know what my plan is. Or I have too many plans and can't stick to one. Chess is like boxing, in two ways. The first is the Mike Tyson way: "everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth". So I can't get too aggressive or that'll happen when I'm least expecting it. Which leaves me with the other option: rope-a-dope, made famous by Muhammad Ali. It’s a tactic where a fighter leans back on the ropes, covers up, and lets the opponent punch themselves out. The idea is to absorb or deflect blows, conserve your own energy, and then strike back once the other guy’s exhausted. Ali used it brilliantly against George Foreman in the 1974 “Rumble in the Jungle.” Foreman threw himself into endless power shots while Ali just soaked it up and talked to him — “Is that all you got?” — until Foreman was spent. Then Ali knocked him out.

That's what I'm hoping Dan will try.

Anyway, I'm back on track today, in my usual post-shower routine: shop, drink coffee, read paper, catch up on my chess games, do chess puzzles (which doesn't seem to improve me), solve (hopefully) the Times Quick Cryptic crossword, solve puzzles on the New York Times Games app - Wordle (got it in 4 today), Connections (got it with just one error) and Strands (always successful but try to do it without hints).

That takes me to about noon.

Which is when I get to thinking about whether I have any inspiration to write a blog post. And today I want to tell you about Tofiq Bahramov.

Tofiq changed history. Every English man or woman knows that our crowning glory was winning the World Cup in 1966. Which happened because Tofiq made an error. He was a retired footballer and a qualified referee from Azerbaijan (then in the Soviet Union) who was the linesman in the Final, when England played West Germany. He ruled that Geoff Hurst's infamous shot had crossed the line and was therefore a goal. But it actually hadn't, as shown in modern replay analysis.

Today, Tofiq is remembered by Azerbaijan's national stadium being the Tofiq Bahramov Republican Stadium in his honour.

If you think that our country is in a sad, sorry state today with widespread gloom and despair, just imagine how much worse it could have been if Tofiq had got his decision right 😧😧😧

Not such a bad day after all.

Footy updates 2025/21

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Burnley 0 Arsenal 3 CGPT: 1-3 Result: 0-2
Juggernaut

Charlton 1 Swansea 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-1
Solid

QPR 1 Ipswich 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-4
Climbing the table

Wycombe 1 Plymouth 0 CGPT: 2-2 Result: 2-0
Despite a late red card for Wycombe, they progress to the 2nd round of the FA Cup

Fisher 1 Whitstable 4 CGPT: 0-3 Result: 1-2
3 points clear at the top of the table with a game in hand

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 1 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 0-1
Spurs continue their inconsistency

Leicester Women 0 Arsenal Women 2 CGPT: 1-3 Result: 1-4

There are only 5 points covering the top 5 so all is not lost yet

Correct results: 5 out of 7 (ChatGPT: 4)

Correct scores: 1 out of 7 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 2 Chat GPT 2

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Upcoming midweek games:

Slavia Prague v Arsenal

Charlton v West Brom

Ipswich v Watford

Tottenham v FC Copenhagen

Is it correct?

More Andrew-related opinion 🙀 [that's a cat sighing]. The Times leader on Saturday discussed the saga and included the phrase "It is correct that the couple's daughters, Eugenie and Beatrice, caught up in this drama through little fault of their own, remain princesses." What? Are they 8yos, crying themselves to sleep at night if they are no longer princesses? These are mature women in their late 30s who contribute little or nothing to British public life and the only justification for their grandiose titles is the technicality of being the offspring of a person who is the son of a monarch.

But my issue isn't about these two women - I couldn't care less about them. My problem is with my newspaper. It's reasonable to expect reasoned argument from the leader writers. "It is correct" is stated as though it's fact. It's the kind of specious assertion I'd expect in the Sun, Express or Guardian. Not from the erudite journal of record. You need to say why it is correct.

And "through little fault of their own"? Little? Not "no fault". Is the Times implying that these young women could have had some influence on their father's behaviour?

Honestly, if they have any moral integrity, they should renounce their Princess-ships and we would all recognise they've progressed beyond the age of 8.

That's enough on this sorry tale.

Footy updates 2025/20

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Recent matches:

EFL Cup 4th round:

Wycombe 1 Fulham 1 (Fulham won on penalties)
An excellent effort against a Premier League team

Arsenal 2 Brighton 0

Really nice to see a 15yo and a 17yo make their first starts

Newcastle 2 Tottenham 0

Spurs' first away defeat of the season

The draw for the quarter finals: Arsenal v Crystal Palace

Also a match I didn't expect (it's apparently in the Challenge Cup, whatever that is):

Whitstable 2 Bearsted 3
Bearsted are Whitstable's main challengers for the league title

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Burnley 0 Arsenal 3 CGPT: 1-3

Charlton 1 Swansea 1 CGPT: 2-1

QPR 1 Ipswich 1 CGPT: 2-1

Wycombe 1 Plymouth 0 CGPT: 2-2

Fisher 1 Whitstable 4 CGPT: 0-3

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 1 CGPT: 1-2

**EDIT - The Womens Super League is back after an international break

Leicester Women 0 Arsenal Women 2 CGPT: 1-3

Floating budgets

It seems to have become common practice for the Treasury to "leak" possible budget measures to see what reactions ensue - from economists, political parties, the media, lobbying groups - without necessarily intending to include them in the budget.

It started with George Osbourne. He leaked the pasty tax proposal; cue high street (and Cornish) anger, leading to a much milder form in the actual budget of 2012. Ditto a "caravan tax", which enraged Conservative voters and their MPs and never appeared in the budget. In an earlier budget the department floated information about child benefit and welfare cuts; the responses enabled him to decide which, and to what extent, measures were finally enacted. The practice has continued through Philip Hammond, Rishi Sunak and Jeremy Hunt.

Now Rachel Reeves is at it. In recent weeks we've heard about freezing tax thresholds, property and wealth taxes, breaching manifesto promises and pension entitlements.

This is no way to run a government. In the old days (cue 1970s sound track) the concept of budget purdah prevailed - no knowledge of budget proposals outside a small government circle and definitely no discussing of, publishing of or even hinting at them before budget day. MPs of all parties were not "in the know". The rationale was to protect markets from insider knowledge, respect Parliament’s primacy and to avoid confusion and pre-emptive lobbying. In other words, grown up government rather than schoolboy politics. Gordon Brown was the last to adhere to the traditional secrecy, allegedly to the nth degree.

The old ways feel better, don't you think?

Shabs and Streets

This is not a post about football. Just thought I'd get that in before I lose half my audience. It's also not about chess. However, I have to start with a reference to a chess-playing footballer, otherwise you wouldn't understand the title. 

Eberichi Eze is a top class footballer who plays for England's best team - Arsenal - in the Premier League. He is also a competition-winning chess player. And his friends call him "Ebs".

Now you get it - the title refers to Shabana Mahmood and Wes Streeting. Get it?

Why am I talking about them? Because, in my opinion, the survival of the Labour Party as an electoral force may well depend on them. It's hard to know how Cabinet Ministers are performing; it's a complex job and most of the work they do is in the background but they are most often judged by their public performances. My (completely uninformed) instinct is that the Prime Minister has actually got the best people into these two key Cabinet posts. Solve the NHS and the Home Office/immigration problems and the rest is fluff. No-one cares about Gaza, Ukraine, football regulators, fiscal rules and the like when they vote. Get me a GP appointment, rapid cancer tests, shorter waiting lists, stop the boats, process asylum seekers quickly and fairly and....we'll vote for you. And just maybe the workforce will become more productive.

You might argue that economic issues like taxation levels and the price of food will carry huge weight but it just feels there's no quick fix; the economy will take longer than five years to get back on track. The same is probably true of housing: you almost certainly can't get enough houses built to meet the target of 1.5 million. Welfare entitlements/benefits is such a fraught issue that the politics vs economics will thwart real progress.

Then there's defence spending. No-one seriously believes the Russians are going to invade the UK (or that, if they did, their management of the country would be any worse than what we already have), so a target of spending 5% of GDP on nuclear missiles, aircraft carriers, drones and the like just seems to "working people" like a colossal waste of money which could better be spent on more urgent things.

I'm not saying the economy doesn't matter. I'm not saying security doesn't matter. I'm not saying you shouldn't at least try to solve the problems with housing and benefits. It's just that people matter and their lives are constrained by so many negatives at the moment that a few simple (I'm not saying easy) NHS and immigration solutions could make the world of difference to how the country feels. And if they feel better, there's at least a chance they'll vote for you.

So, Shabs and Streets, I'm with you. See it, say it, sort it.

You can't blame Brexit

Rachel Reeves recently "outed" Brexit. At an investment summit in Birmingham she said “The Office for Budget Responsibility do the forecasts for the economy. When we left the European Union, or when we voted to leave, they made an estimate about the impact that would have. What they’ve done this summer is go back to all of their forecasts and look at what actually happened compared to what they forecast. What that shows – and what they will set out – is that the economy has been weaker and productivity has been weaker than they forecast, despite the fact that they forecast that the economy would be weaker because of leaving the EU."

So are you saying there's nothing we can do about it? That Brexit has made us worse off and we just have to suck it up?

That's dishonest. If you say - and believe - that a Brexit Britain is intrinsically poorer than a not-Brexit Britain, isn't the logical thing to do something about that? Isn't it possible that proposing reuniting with the EU, or some aspect of that such as re-joining the Customs Union, could completely change the prospects of a left of centre government/coalition defeating the forces of the right at the next election? Could Labour really be bold enough to say "it hasn't worked so we need to reverse the referendum decision" as the central plank of their 2029 election campaign? I recently posted about rolling referendums or at least some clarity on repeat referendums but I'm not proposing a referendum. My proposal would be that a single issue "unBrexit" election would have exactly the same decisive effect as the 2019 Brexit election: a sea change.

I'm not saying any of that would be easy and I'm not saying that I believe it is the right thing to do. I'm just saying that political thought at the moment in the UK is dominated by the populist agenda and there is no counter-insurgency. The "centre ground" has become muddied by the belief that you have to fight populism on its own turf; maybe switching to a proactive, visionary approach could be more effective.

Could it work? Would the EU even want us back? Who knows. But it would be a clear differentiator which voters could understand as a positive vision for the future of the country. It could be a "dead cat" moment [no offence to cats] which distracts voters from the "mess" they think the country is in. Politically for Labour, it would establish clear water between them and Reform/Tory and would go some way towards negating pressure from the LibDems/Greens/nationalists ("we are the only de-Brexit party who can actually make it happen").

Does Labour even have a Boris figure who could make it happen? Not sure. Suggestions?

The Castle of Mey

The Castle of Mey. The solution to the King's problem.

The name of the problem is Andrew. Still a Prince, I believe. If I were the King (and I'm with Boris on this; it's a highly desirable life option) I'd be looking hard at where I would like him to live. Number one criterion is...as far away from me as possible. Hence the Castle of Mey, which is a few miles away from John o' Groats.700 miles away from London, only 200 from Norway.

The north of Scotland has a rich history with Norway so it's perfectly possible we could persuade Norway to annex that small portion of the north east coast of Scotland, in which case Andrew would be a Norway resident and they might even allow him to be extradited to the USA to give evidence in the Epstein/Maxwell investigation.

It should be easy to persuade Andrew of this. Large house? Tick - according to the Times it has 38 rooms including 15 bedrooms; not at all sure what he'd do with those but I'm guessing he would come up with some ideas. Grand living? Tick - it's a castle, for goodness sake. Title? You could call him King Of The North, which would have the additional advantage of annoying Andy Burnham. Two ticks.

Then there's the referendum. The next time there is one on Scottish independence, the King could legitimately campaign for the Yes camp, as "my brother is available to be your King". In which case, again, the extradition possibility comes into play.

You need to know how to play to people's egos, Charles.

Footy updates 2025/19

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Ipswich 1 West Brom 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-0
Only the second clean sheet of the season; that says everything. More needed

Hull 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-1
A late equaliser for Charlton

Wycombe 1 Huddersfield 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 3-0
A very early red card for Huddersfield helps Wycombe further away from the relegation zone

Whitstable 2 Holmesdale 1 CGPT: 3-1 Result: 5-0 [attendance: 578]
2 goals for D Grant and 2 for 38yo Joe Healy (described on Wikipedia as a "former footballer")

Arsenal 2 Crystal Palace 1 CGPT: 3-0 Result: 1-0
The juggernaut rolls on

Everton 1 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 0-3

Impressive away form. 3rd in the table, 5 points behind the Gunners

Correct results: 2 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 3)

Correct scores: 0 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 1 Chat GPT 2

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Upcoming midweek games (all EFL Cup 4th round):

Wycombe v Fulham

Arsenal v Brighton

Newcastle v Tottenham

Footy updates 2025/18

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Recent matches:

Snodland Town 1 Whitstable Town 5
Up to 2nd in the table

Ipswich 0 Charlton 3
Shocker. What has happened to Ipswich? And it's maybe Charlton who are promotion candidates

Arsenal 4 Atletico Madrid 0
Thrilling win against a tricky opponent

Monaco 0 Tottenham 0

Snoozefest

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Ipswich 1 West Brom 1 CGPT: 2-1

Hull 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1

Wycombe 1 Huddersfield 1 CGPT: 1-1

Whitstable 2 Holmesdale 1 CGPT: 3-1

Arsenal 2 Crystal Palace 1 CGPT: 3-0

Everton 1 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-1

Footy updates 2025/17

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Middlesbrough 1 Ipswich 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 2-1
Top of the table Middlesbrough show Ipswich that control trounces flair

Charlton 1 Sheffield Wednesday 0 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 2-1
Wednesday are a basket case; I'd expect ChatGPT to know that 

Blackpool 1 Wycombe 2  CGPT: 1-2 Result: 1-1
113th minute equaliser keeps the Chairboys out of the relegation zone

Erith & Belvedere 1  Whitstable Town 2  CGPT: 1-2 Result: 0-1
Up to 5th; games in hand 

Fulham 0 Arsenal 1 CGPT: 0-2 Result: 0-1
Top of the table 

Tottenham 2 Aston Villa 0  CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-2
Bit of a shocker really; Spurs 6th 

Correct results: 3 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 2)

Correct scores: 1 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 1 Chat GPT 1

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Upcoming midweek games:

Snodland Town v Whitstable Town 

Ipswich v Charlton 

Arsenal v Atletico Madrid 

Monaco v Tottenham 

Welcome to the 80s

On Being Eighty

On Being Eighty

Do not smile and pat me on the head
Because I’m eighty
Do not treat me as though I were a child
Because I’m eighty
Do not assume that I am 
Not as bright as you
Or that my opinion doesn’t count
Because I’m eighty
Do not talk about me 
As though I weren’t there
Because I’m eighty
Do not roll your eyes to heaven 
When I complain and please...Please 
Don’t call me dearie
Just because I’m eighty

Beatrice Boyle
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Eighty Not Out
In the gay, gleamy morn I adore to go walking,
And oh what sweet people I meet on my way!
I hail them with joy for I love to be talking,
Although I have nothing important to say.
I cheer the old grannies whose needles are plying;
I watch the wee kiddies awhoop at their play:
When sunny the sky is, you'll not be denying
The morning's the bonniest bit of the day.
With hair that is silver the look should be smiling,
And lips that are ageful should surely be wise;
And so I go gaily with gentle beguiling,
Abidding for cheer in the bright of your eyes.
I look at the vines and the blossoms with loving;
I listen with glee to the thrush on the spray:
And so with a song in my heart I am proving
That life is more beautiful every day.

For I think that old age is the rapture of living,
And though I've had many a birthday of cheer,
Of all the delectable days of God's giving,
The best of the bunch is my eightieth year.
So I will go gay in the beam of the morning
Another decade,--Oh I haven't a doubt!
Adoring the world of the Lord's glad adorning,
And sing to the glory of Ninety-not-Out.
Robert William Service

I'm with the great unwashed

I'm on a GWR train. Trying to watch the football on my shiny new (non-Apple) tablet, which I adore. But the train wifi isn't up to the job and m I'll explain why.

My train was cancelled, which is not atypical on a weekend. I get the next train, one hour later, on which of course I no longer have a seat reservation - although a bit of aggressive hunting resolves that. But there are now two trainloads of people on one train. And two trainloads of people using the wifi which is in normal circumstances slow and is now virtually unusable.

I find a seat and notice that the free first class drinks trolley is a few rows away, so I can grab a coffee. Not so fast: "Sorry. I've passed that seat, I'll catch you on the way back". What? I'm here, you're there, just hand me a coffee. Please. Not my actual words but I was not myself. A good thing I got the coffee while it was available (plus a pathetic little "snack box", which is GWR's contribution to citizens' obesity at weekends when there are no sandwiches - which you'd think they could make a packet on given the large customer base on this train).

Because shortly after, the announcement "sorry we're suspending trolley service because we can't get through the massed hordes".

Meanwhile, in a further development, "sorry there are loads of you without seats so we are declassifying this service; you can go and sit in the empty first class seats alongside the posh people who have paid £100 or more for the privilege of avoiding the hoi polloi. Long live the revolution!".

"Dear first class travellers, please note that, should you ever get home, you can claim a refund of the difference between your fare and a cattle class fare, although it's obviously possible the website will crash if you all do it at the same time ".

What am I going to do for the remaining hours of my journey? I know, I'll write a blog post. Which is why I'm sharing this with you, dear patient reader.

If I ever get to Whitstable today, I'll need a strong drink and a shower.

Footy updates 2025/16

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Recent matches (international break for the men):

Arsenal Women 1 Lyon 2 (Champions League match day 1 of 6)

Forgotten how to defend.

Wigan 0 Wycombe 1
Out of the relegation zone

Wealdstone 5 Whitstable 1 (FA Cup Fourth Qualifying Round)
A great run to get this far. Now they can concentrate on the League: win all their games in hand and they'll be top!

Arsenal Women 1 Brighton Women 0
Every game's a struggle at the moment 

Holmesdale 0 Whitstable 4 (Kent Senior Trophy 1st round)
Town are three time winners of this competition and were beaten finalists last year

Benfica Women 0  Arsenal Women 2 (Champions League match day 2 of 6)
More like it. I've seen an estimate that 10 (possibly even 9) points from the 6 games should get you into at least the playoffs for the knockout rounds. So Arsenal need 7 points from the remaining 4 games. Winning all those 4 games might get them into the top 4 and automatic qualification for the knockouts

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's)

Middlesbrough 1 Ipswich 1 CGPT: 1-1

Charlton 1 Sheffield Wednesday 0 CGPT: 1-2

Blackpool 1 Wycombe 2  CGPT: 1-2

Erith & Belvedere 1  Whitstable Town 2  CGPT: 1-2

Fulham 0 Arsenal 1 CGPT: 0-2

Tottenham 2 Aston Villa 0  CGPT: 2-1

BBC2 has it all wrong

Regular readers will know that Monday night is Quiz Night on BBC2. Very entertaining and stimulating it is; our public service broadcaster has a duty to inform, educate and entertain.

Tonight, Quiz Night is cancelled in favour of...bloody football! And not just any old football, it's the mighty clash between...Northern Ireland and Germany. Oh my!

A few points to make here.

1. The BBC has a Northern Ireland channel, as variants of BBC1 and BBC2. Just as viewers in Kent get your local news and weather on BBC South East and we in Cornwall have BBC South West, so the lovely folks in Belfast can get their own stuff. Which could easily show the footy and leave the quizzes for the rest of us.
2. Mastermind, Only Connect and University Challenge regularly pull in one and half (Mastermind) and two (the others) million viewers. Let's be conservative and assume there are all the same people - devotees like me.
3. The population of Northern Ireland is roughly 1.9 million. Let's assume that half them are women and 100,000 are boys below the age of 5, based on recent census data. I'm not being sexist, just making a reasonable assumption that the goodly ladies of Derry have better things to do than watch their awful (FIFA ranked 71st in the world) football team lose to Germany (9th). Take away the 18,000 who will actually go to Windsor Park to watch the game, plus let's say 15% of the men who couldn't care less about football, and you are left with a potential audience of (being generous) around 700,000. 

So how does the BBC justify junking a 2 million Quiz Night audience for 700,000 Northern Irish football fans who could actually watch it on their own local channel?

It makes no sense.

But I will get to watch England's Under 21s play live on YouTube, without missing any quizzes!

USA 0 Norway 1

The title tells the story. No more words needed.

The Female King

Can you have a female King? Jadwiga was one. She...wait, I couldn't find out what pronouns she preferred to use...was the first (and last) female monarch of Poland in the 14th century.

According to Civilization VI, she was "well-educated, fluent in five languages and embarrassingly pious". She was 11 years old when she became King in 1384. Sadly, she died in 1399 after she gave birth to a daughter; both mother and child died of complications. 

It appears she was much loved by her subjects, particularly because of her holiness. Three miracles are attributed to her and she was canonised as a Saint by the Catholic Church in 1997.

I've read various texts explaining the reasons she became King rather than Queen. It seems that (a) tradition inferred Queens as mere regnal spouses and (b) none of the noblemen wanted the others to be King.

No offence, Wales

Every football fan knows one thing above all about England. The men's team, that is.

We race through the qualifying groups against countries like San Marino and Andorra, scoring bucketloads of goals and ending with a 100% record. Then comes the competition proper. And we struggle against decent teams and...

...get beaten by Germany.

Our (German) coach is leading us through the qualification campaign ready for the World Cup in Canada, Mexico and the USA next Summer. So far we have played 5, won 5, scored 13 goals and conceded none. So when it comes to filling a gap in the schedule with a friendly game, you'd think it would be a great opportunity to find out about the players vying for their spots by playing a match against Brazil. Or France. Maybe Ghana. Definitely not Senegal, we lost 3-1 to them earlier this year (see what I mean?)

But no, we decide to play...Wales. No offence to the Welsh but they are ranked 30th in the world, between Panama and Norway. We know what our players, even those notionally in our second string, can do against Panama, Wales and Norway. What we don't know is how good they will be against Portugal, Croatia and the Dutch. Better to find out now rather than in 9 month's time when it matters.

I don't get it. As the well-known terrace chant goes:

You don't know what you're doing.

Oh and just so you know, it was England 3 Wales 0.

This Is Not The Way

"In the six decades of its existence, the State of Israel, far from solving the problem of anti-Semitism, has exacerbated it, and failed to increase the collective security of its Jewish citizens or alleviate the existential anxiety of Jews around the world."

So writes David Goldberg, Rabbi Emeritus of the Liberal Jewish Synagogue in London in his book This Is Not The Way: Jews, Judaism and Israel. I read it after a reference in an article by Max Hastings in the Times recently, knowing that I have strong instinctive and long-standing feelings about the actions of Israel in the Middle East but conscious that could represent an anti-Semitism which I didn't think I possessed.

“When Jewish representatives insist, as the Israel PR Lobby does, on an axiomatic linkage between anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, as though they are two aspects of the same seamless, linear continuity, not only are we guilty of sloppy, ahistorical oversimplification but we are also failing to treat a subject vital to our well-being with the intellectual rigour it deserves.”

This book aims to apply that rigour and that is what attracted me to it; I needed to find out what Jews thought of the behaviour of the State of Israel. I have been shocked by its recent actions in Gaza, the West Bank and Lebanon but am I guilty of not understanding how Jews throughout the world feel existentially threatened?

Right from the beginning, Goldberg makes the distinction between the Diaspora and the state of Israel. Chapter 1 (of 8) is entitled “Zionism triumphant, the Diaspora subservient”. 

In Chapter 3 the author explores the history of anti-Semitism, firstly over centuries in Christian culture and more recently (particularly post-Holocaust, post-settlement) in the Muslim tradition, concluding that “we Jews do have justifiable cause to be concerned. Anti-Semitism has always been a light sleeper and requires constant monitoring." Nevertheless he asserts that "it should be possible to distinguish between anti-Semitism and anti-Zionism, particularly when the latter is not questioning Israel's right to exist but asking critical questions of government policy vis-à-vis Israel being the Jewish state rather than a state for all its citizens".

Goldberg scurries through the centuries to assess the causes and effects of declining Jewishness, through "marrying out", conversions to Christianity and the perceived need to sidestep (real or imagined) anti-Semitic barriers to acceptance, promotions and the like. He discusses the "absurdity" of the Law of Return granting automatic Israeli citizenship to such as immigrants from the Soviet Union but denying them the rights to Jewish marriage or burial. Israel's first government in 1948, under the secularist Prime Minister David Ben-Gurion, "granted control over Jewish status to the [ultra-Orthodox] religious bloc as its price for entering his coalition cabinet...hence the unseemly horse-trading that regularly ensues when a coalition government needs to to strike a deal between religious demands on the one hand and the civic expectations of the overwhelming majority of the Israeli electorate and world Jewry on the other...even though less than 20 per cent of the Israeli electorate ever votes for a religious party and in the USA, Israel's staunchest Diaspora ally, about 90 per cent of Jewry is resolutely non-Orthodox."

There are some middle chapters - "Who is a Jew?", "God is dead, long live Behaviourism" and "How 'holy' is Holy Scripture?" - which stretched my patience, being a philosopher-historian's analysis of what Judaism is all about. The author even ventures into whether and in what way God exists and the existence of the universe, things which interest me but which I can find discussed in other sources if I choose to. My primary interest was elsewhere and addressed by the final chapter "Jewish ethics and the State of Israel", which was central to my search for an answer to the question "I abhor the actions being taken by Israel; does that make me anti-Semitic?"

In order to decipher whether I am anti-Zionist I need to understand what Zionism is.

"For more than sixty years now, Judaism as the religion of the Jewish people has been sustained by Zionism, its secular alter ego. The early Zionists, led by Herzl, were adept at appropriating the metaphors of faith - the promise of a 'land flowing with milk and honey', the yearning for 'next year in Jerusalem' - and adapting them to their own secular purposes. In that way, Zionism, the newcomer among Jewish responses to modernity, positioned itself in the mainstream of Jewish history as a fulfilment of, not a rupture with, the Jewish past."

Returning to chapter 1, Goldberg asserts that "the voluntary liquidation of the Diaspora and the ingathering of the exiles in their ancestral homeland would be the consummation of the Zionist vision, not merely achieving Lebensraum but bolstering numbers. Since the state was established in 1948, the constant plaint of its leaders has been 'If only we had more Jews.' More Jews to populate the Galilee; more Jews to make the Negev bloom; more Jews to counter-balance the increasing numbers of Arab citizens of Israel; more Jews to provide a bulwark against the three-times-higher Palestinian birth rate in Gaza and the West Bank. All this because the greatest threat to Israel's long-term viability in a hostile environment is not the military but the demographic one."

He concludes that there comes a point at which all Jews worldwide that want to come to live in Israel have done so. Hence Zionism morphs from the original desire for a Jewish homeland in Palestine to an assertion of its national identity by pushing robustly against any perceived boundaries to its geographical and philosophical existence. He analyses the development of West Bank settlement into effectively an unwarranted land grab. In June 1967 Israel "conquered the Territories [Sinai, Gaza, the Golan Heights and the West Bank] in a justified war of self-defence....settlement building began almost by default...soon though religious zealots overturned the likelihood of selective settlement construction based on military requirements....ever since then, settler pressure groups either of the aggressively nationalist or the religiously fundamentalist variety, or a combination of both, have been the tail wagging successive government dogs. The natural order has been overturned...an original settler population of a few hundred on the West Bank in 1968 has grown to around 230,000 today."

Israeli politicians of all hues have backed themselves into a corner from which they don't know how to extricate themselves, after years of lazy acceptance of the status quo, sneaky admiration for the new breed of Zionist pioneers planting the Israeli flag on remote West Bank hilltops... [so can they] face down settler-posturing and convince a dubious public that a solution to the Israel-Palestine conflict is at least attainable; that it is in Israel's best interests to have for a neighbour a stable, demilitarised Palestinian state [that] marginalises the the irredentist agenda of extremist factions such as Hamas?

The author concludes that only a "leap of the imagination" in the form of a partnership of its own citizens and Diaspora Jews can change the mindset of the nation.

For me, this has been a been a very worthwhile read. Despite the author's obvious despair at so much of Israeli government policy and action, he analyses all the issues as fairly as he is able and gave me a great deal of enlightenment on an issue which has been brought so vividly to the world in these last two years.

"Whether a Jewish state was the solution to the 'Jewish problem' or merely the new Jewish problem has yet to be decided."

Peru or Ecuador?

My "go to" chocolate preference is plain and dark. Tesco has own brand Finest offerings from Peru (85%) and Ecuador (75%) and milk chocolate from the Ivory Coast (48%). They are unusual in identifying the source of their cocoa. I carried out extensive research in the chocolate aisle of the store (yum) and no other brands did this. Lindt? No. Green&Blacks? Also No.

ChatGPT, in a style which I appreciate, is at its most cynical in saying why:

Because they don’t want you to think too hard about where it comes from.

Here’s the blunt truth:

Most big chocolate brands deliberately leave out the source country because transparency would expose uncomfortable facts about their supply chains — child labour, deforestation, and unfair pay being the main ones. The majority of the world’s cocoa (around 60–70%) comes from West Africa, mainly Ivory Coast and Ghana, where working conditions are often poor and traceability is patchy at best.

So shout out to Tesco, which displays the following information in their packaging:

We work with the Transparence Cacao programme and the Rainforest Alliance in Peru, Ecuador and Côte d'Ivoire to help ensure that every bar of Tesco Finest chocolate supports sustainable practices in the cocoa industry and contributes to the livelihoods of farming communities.

I couldn't find any evidence of any other major chocolate brands using Transparence Cacao, although they all make claims to sustainable practices. So why not tell us where your cocoa comes from?

I need to undertake a taste test. Will the winner be Peru or Ecuador?

I'm a Progressive Activist

The pollster More in Common has produced a new segmentation of the British public, "based on extended research into Britons' core beliefs, their values and behaviours". The seven segments are:

• progressive activists
• incrementalist left
• established liberals
• sceptical scrollers
• rooted patriots
• traditional conservatives
• dissenting disruptors

Based on an initially flimsy understanding of what these mean, I'd say that I am naturally either a sceptical scroller or a dissenting disruptor. Given that the sequence looks as though it is fundamentally left through the centre to right, I think I'll go for being a sceptical scroller.

moreincommon.org.uk helpfully provides a detailed description for each category and, even more helpfully, a "Which segment are you? Take the quiz" button. So I did.

There are 21 questions; it took me 13 minutes. Started with a really tricky one:

I went for option 1. I hope they're not all this hard.

Turns out, as the title says, I'm a Progressive Activist - "A highly engaged and progressive group, uncompromising on the issues they care about and striving for global social justice".

Key words

Idealistic, radical, uncompromising, political, woke.

What they worry about

Global issues such as the war in Gaza or climate change, inequality in Britain, the power of billionaires, the rise of Reform UK, the rise of Donald Trump, Brexit, affordable housing, racial justice.

Where you might find them

In university campuses and cities; in Labour and Green Party meetings; on Bluesky; in flatshares or living with their parents; in third sector workplaces; in constituencies such as Hackney South and Shoreditch, Edinburgh South and Bristol Central.

How they get their news

High engagement with the news: from notifications from multiple news apps (likely The Guardian and the BBC), independent digital news outlets such as Novara, directly from political commentators on social media, from podcasts such as The News Agents or Pod Save the UK.

You can read a full description of me and the other PAs here.

Honestly, this is completely wrong about me. Which means (a) I'm too stupid to understand the questions or (b) their model is completely flawed and verges on clickbait. I believe the biggest defect is that they conflate feeling strongly about something with being emotionally and practically active about it. Believing in one of two strongly worded options (because you can't stomach the other) is not the same as caring about it. I'm the sucker that does online quizzes but despises their tendency to put people into boxes.

Looking at the details of the other segments, I think I actually fit Established Liberal more than anything but "less empathetic to those who are struggling" means it's a No. I have no natural home in their segmentation.

I suspect my reservations won't encourage my readers to try the questions but you could just treat it as a bit of fun. Do what I did - instinctive reaction first then do the quiz and post your answers in the Comments.

Genius Act

The USA passed the Genius Act on 18th July. Did you know? Me neither. Guiding and Establishing National Innovation for U.S. Stablecoins (GENIUS) is its title.

I have been struggling for literally months to figure out how to write a blog post about stablecoins, given that I don't know what they are and I don't understand any explanation offered. But, in the Reithian spirit of inform, educate and entertain, I am trying. Today is not the first time that Mehreen Khan, the Economics Editor of the Times, has written about this subject and today's article is headlined "Fear of missing out may convince central banks to embrace stablecoin". She writes "A stablecoin is a digital asset whose value is meant to be guaranteed by a peg to a traditional currency such as the dollar". She compares this with cryptocurrency, which has no such (notionally) intrinsic value.

Through the Genius Act the US government seeks to regulate, enable, perhaps even promote the issuance of stablecoins by non-governmental bodies - perhaps the likes of Amazon. But it's the central banks that are now considering the "opportunities". The Bank of England, initially sceptical, is now pursuing the possibility of a "digital pound". Khan asserts that the Bank "changed its tune...probably driven by the potential fiscal and financial benefits of the goldrush into stablecoins, which seems too lucrative to miss".

It seems to me that "goldrush" should raise a huge red flag. Isn't it true that the 2008 financial crisis was caused by the creation of new financial instruments which ultimately fell apart? Is the world at risk of doing it again? Why is the stablecoin concept necessary?

Another of my regular TV programmes has been Dragon's Den and the "dragons" frequently make the criticism of a pitch that "it's a solution to a problem that doesn't exist". Could stablecoins be one of those? The cynically minded amongst us would ask "who benefits from their existence?" The answer is almost certainly not you or me.

The whole thing is like those theoretical concepts in maths and physics - the square root of minus one, imaginary time, the Higgs Boson, multiple dimensions - which have no reality or meaning except in the minds of weird people.

I used to want to be one of those weird people - existing only in a non-corporeal state - but my natural patience and low boredom threshold make it an impossible dream. However, I shall continue trying to bring difficult concepts to you, dear readers. Mostly in the hope that one of you can explain better than I can.