Here they come!

I became interested in what music is played in football stadiums when their team comes onto the pitch for a match. Why do they make the choice?

I was watching a match at the Emirates Stadium involving the home team Arsenal. They came out to London Calling by The Clash. It's a fairly tepid punk rock song, starting:

London calling to the faraway towns
Now war is declared and battle come down

Presumably whoever chose it saw the forthcoming match as a war. Sheffield United was the faraway town. Maybe it worked - Arsenal won - but my recent experience of Arsenal players is that they see a game of football more of a stroll in the park than a war.

They used to run out to Motorhead's The Game. This is more like it, throbbing heavy metal - if the players aren't up for it after this, they never will be.

It's time to play the game
Time to play the game! Hahaha
It's all about the game and how you play it.
All about control and if you can take it.

Probably the most recognisable of team entry music is Liverpool's You'll Never Walk Alone by Gerry and the Pacemakers. Frankly I don't see how the team could be inspired by this dreary song.

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

There is a lot of wind and rain in Liverpool though so maybe the players are being encouraged to revel in the stormy weather. Not so effective in May, perhaps.

What about West Ham? They come out to:

I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams,
They fade and die.

Seriously? You think this will encourage your guys? I guess West Ham fans would find the last two lines pretty indicative of the last few seasons.

Manchester City enter to the 1934 song Blue Moon.

Blue Moon, Blue Moon, Blue Moon
Moon, moon, moon, Blue Moon
Moon, moon, moon, Blue Moon

And you complain when your players start the match sleepy?

I guess some fans just like to have a sing song, which you can easily do to Blue Moon or Bubbles, or an emotional wallowing with Walk Alone, but not so much with Motorhead.

Good news for cats

I learned a new word today.

Smize.

I'm told it means to smile with your eyes. Invented by the catwalk model Tyra Banks in 2009.

Acknowledgement to Rhys Blakeley, Science Correspondent of the Times for this information.

Apparently researchers from the University of Sussex's School of Psychology did some experiments with one of their researchers smizing at cats and seeing which of them responded. They discovered that if you 'slow motion blink' at a cat, it slow motion blinks back.

This was published in a journal called Scientific Reports.

I really don't know what to make of this incredibly useless and fatuous piece of "information". Does it work on owls?

These people should get out more.

Weekly quiz #5 geography

I generally reckon to be a bit of a wiz at geography. It was my favourite school subject; atlases are my favourite books. They fire my imagination. I could close my eyes, stick a pin in a map of the world then look: "I'm going to go there". I still haven't been to Siberia. I fondly remember when maps were covered in pink for the British Empire. Ah the good old days. Nowadays only St Helena. And a few other tiny dots on the maps, so small you can't see they're pink. In a pub quiz team I can specialise in geography, history, politics and football. Popular music and culture, not so much, which is a problem since that's 90% of pub quiz questions.

I digress. This week's quiz subject is Geography. Enjoy!

Question 1 (I always like to start easy and gradually increase the tension): Which country has the most islands?

Question 2: What is the deepest lake in the world?

Question 3: Which is the smallest country by population in Europe?

Question 4: How many countries are currently members of the United Nations? (you can have 5 either way)

Question 5: Name a capital city whose name is two words long, both beginning with the same letter of the alphabet.

Question 6: How many states does Brazil have?

Question 7: Which EU country has a population nearest to that of Wales?

Question 8: What is the most recent country to join the UN?

Question 9: What is the longest capital city name?

Quiz #4 answers

Quote 1: "All warfare is based on deception" Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Quote 2: "I am become death, the  destroyer of worlds" Robert Oppenheimer, after the Bhagavad Gita

Quote 3: "For 10 years we in the Tory party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing" Boris Johnson

Quote 4: "Democratic societies are unfit for the publication of such thunderous revelations as I am in the habit of making" Salvador Dali

Quote 5: "I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals" Winston Churchill

Quote 6: "Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past" George Orwell in '1984'

Quote 7: "If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace" John  Lennon

Grandparents are cool

Today is National Grandparents Day.

Let's hear it for all of us oldies!

Not good enough, tippy tappy clapping. Let's have a big cheer!

That's better.

Apparently it's been celebrated here in the UK since 1990 but I've never heard of it before. It seems my grandkids haven't either; wake up, boys! Where are the flowers, chocs, bottles of wine, tins of caviar? Maybe a tiny card?

I'll be celebrating it watching football (o-oh, half my audience just left; I should have left that until the end). Imbibing the wine and chocs I have supplied for myself 😒

In Canada, National Grandparents Day was initiated in 1995 then discontinued in 2014. Presumably because they didn't get any wine or chocs so why bother? The French version is sponsored by a coffee company. Costa, send me some beans; I've been a customer for years! The Taiwanese day was started by the Ministry of Education. Gavin, are you listening?

I could find no record of a National Grandparents Day in Russia, North Korea or Sweden. Meanies.

Boys, in case you think grandpeople are losing their marbles - Albert Einstein was a grandpa and no-one ever accused him of being crazy. Although he was reputed to have formulated his theory of relativity after dreaming about cows being electrocuted

I have just five grandchildren. Way behind Wilson Kettle, a Canadian, who had 65. Yep, you heard that correctly. He's in the Guinness Book of World Records; as he should be. He lived to the age of 102. I bet he got some chocolates.

Drive through flu jab

Next week I shall be having my flu jab. In the car park at the Eden Project. I will drive into a marked bay, wind my window down, get the jab, drive away. Sponsored by McDonalds [no, I made that last bit up, although you might think they missed a marketing opportunity there].

This sounds such a cool idea, I wondered what other aspects of life would be amenable to the drive through approach.

Obviously drive through fast food and coffee shops are familiar and, as a result of the pandemic, prescription pick ups and Covid testing now take place but I'm thinking outside the box.

I discovered that you can do drive through marriage in - guess where - Las Vegas.

How does that work? Do the bride and groom arrive from opposite sides of the drive through booth? In that case how does "you may now kiss the bride" work? Weird.

Also in the US - of course - mourners at a funeral can drive by at the funeral home to express their condolences. And a Congressman in Pennsylvania has a drive through window for constituency consultations. And McDonalds opened a ski through service - McSki - in Sweden.

There's nothing particularly wacky about these in the New Normal.

How about a drive through tree? That's just silly, you say. What would be the point? Good question.

Watch the roof rack though.

I'm not a Catholic so I probably shouldn't comment on their affairs but a drive through confessional seems an obvious application.

How about a drive through postman? Pull up outside the post office, scan your ID, QR code

or whatever; pick up your mail and deposit your pre-stamped letters to be sent. We would no longer need posties or draughty letter boxes and I would no longer receive incessant piles of junk mail. Very COVID-friendly. Sign me up!

They could even operate a "share a meal" service. Instead of food bank containers in supermarkets (always positioned after the checkout, so that I slap my forehead and mutter "darn it, forgotten it again"), those of us inclined to cooking delicious meals could deposit a lasagne (here's one I made earlier)

or whatever at the post office and people who need food banks could be given a food box when they pulled up. An obvious flaw in this is that people who need food banks maybe don't have a car, so there would have to be cycle through facilities. Or a lane for buses.

I'd quite like my government to consider these obvious and practical steps instead of wasting valuable time coming up with crazy schemes to use water cannon to create waves to push back migrant boats in the Channel. Or building floating walls in the sea. Or constructing an asylum processing centre on St Helena

(it worked for Napoleon). FYI I am not making these up, nor is it April 1st (at least not when I am writing this stuff).

And I'm not going to get into politics on this blog. Except maybe a drive through asylum processing centre:

"just pull over here, madam. Got your ID? No ID? Please do a U turn and drive to Terminal SH for the ferry to St Helena. Have a nice  day"