Raining cats and dogs

I wish I could say that this 1820 painting by George Cruikshank is the origin of the "raining cats and dogs" phrase. Actually I could say that; but it wouldn't be true.

Wikipedia describes Cruikshank as a "caricaturist and book illustrator". Not an artist? That's a bit rude. Poor George. In his time he collaborated with Charles Dickens, illustrating Oliver Twist. Whatever, it's a fun painting, one of which I would be happy to have a print on my wall.

In1651 the English poet Henry Vaughan referred to a roof that was secure against “dogs and cats rained in shower.” I couldn't find any earlier reference than that but there are many speculative notions about its origins in Norse mythology, classical Greek words, Old English words and much more. It's the kind of thing that classical scholars love to discuss over a pint of ale. Not after 10pm though.

It's possible I suppose that prehistoric cats and dogs had hind legs with large, stretchy tendons and a counterbalancing tail, enabling them to bounce around over the top of cavemen.

Like kangaroos.

Or that cats and dogs on Mars, due to the low gravity, bounce about in a similar way, and native Martians, well known for having poor eyesight, introduced the phrase to visiting earthlings.

I'm going with that.

Clearly Cruikshank got the idea from somewhere so maybe it was a popular phrase in Victorian Britain. Nowadays he'd have been excoriated by the animal rights movement, with claims that his painting would encourage people to go up in planes and drop animals onto the heads of the unbelieving public. Spoilsports.

T S Eliot wrote 15 cat poems in Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats but none about them in the rain. And none about dogs. This seems a bit remiss really, Tom. [That's Tom Eliot not tomcat]

Ryan Reynolds

The Hollywood actor Ryan Reynolds (star of Deadpool, Deadpool 2, etc. and one of the X-Men films)  is thinking of buying Wrexham Football Club. Apparently.

Reynolds is reported to have a net worth of $77 million. Now the footy crazies amongst you will know that you could get a mid-range, young and promising Premier League striker for that. Or a pretty decent goalkeeper or defender. Or one of Lionel Messi's toes. But not a top of the range club. transfermarkt.co.uk estimates Manchester United's first team squad (25 players) value as £720 million. The club itself: £4 billion.

Wrexham AFC is in the National League in England. That's not the Premier League, not the Championship, not League One, not League Two; the National League. What my friend Tony and my brother in arms Trevor would call the Fifth Division. The highest Wrexham has ever been was in 2003/4 when they were in League One (although it was called the Second Division at the time - keep up, Trevor and Tony!)

For context, the average attendance at National League matches in 2018/19 was just under 2,000. To be fair, Wrexham's is the second highest at just over 5,000. Stadium capacity is 15,500, although they don't own the stadium. The population of Wrexham is 136,000.

We are definitely not talking about a big club. So why would Reynolds and his actor pal Rob McElhenny want to buy Wrexham? Can you make money out of owning a football club? If you are the Glazers, owners of Manchester United, yes. Pretty much everyone else, no. Do you want to launder money? If you are the owners of .............................. (sorry, I don't want to end up in court), yes. In fact throwing money at a loss making entity is classic money laundering territory but there are such things as the "fit and proper owners" tests before anyone is allowed to take ownership of a professional football club. But we all know of clubs where that hasn't worked [please be careful when you comment on this, people; we could all end up in court].

Are you a sovereign nation looking to promote your country and overcome the stigma of a dodgy human rights record? If you are Manchester City, yes. Otherwise, no. Are you so rich that you don't know what to do with your money? If you are Chelsea, yes. Most others, no. Were you born in the club's town or region? Stockport County, yes. There was a famous businessman, Jack Walker, born in Blackburn, who bought Blackburn Rovers in 1991 when they were in the relegation zone of the Second Division, splashed the cash on stadium, facilities and players (notably Alan Shearer) and they won the Premier League in 1995.

These are all possible - if not reasonable or legitimate - reasons for owning a football club but Ryan Reynolds doesn't seem to qualify; he was born in Vancouver, Canada.

I play a classic computer game called Championship Manager and I get the greatest pleasure from taking over a lower league club and taking them all the way to the Champions League; it's a great feeling and if Reynolds simply wants to do that, good luck to him. He wants to put £2 million into the club which, in these times where spectators are not allowed (and therefore no income), might pay the running costs for a season with a bit to spare for some signings maybe. But I don't imagine a new owner (I hesitate to use the word investor because that implies the expectation of a return on investment) wants the money to be used on running costs. Usually they want to buy a striker! Maybe a 35 year old ex Premier League striker with dodgy knees on a one year contract to get us promotion. Readers of my "free agency" posts will know that Mario Balotelli is available.

The key to progression up the leagues is (a) ability to increase your wage bill (because wage bill has been identified as the key indicator of league position) and (b) ability to expand the stadium if you get promoted (which will probably result in higher attendances). It's not clear that the latter is possible, given the stadium is owned by Wrexham Glyndwr University and leased by the football club on a 99 year lease. And used by the Wales national team for some matches. Yes people, Wrexham is in Wales but the team plays in England.

Now there's an interesting thought: If Wrexham switched to the Welsh Premier league - the Cymru Premier - the champions of that league qualify for the first qualifying round of the UEFA Champions League. Win a few qualifying games and end up playing at home to Barcelona.

I have read various articles speculating about Reynolds' reasons for this. None of them have a clue, basically, except for one quoting a Wrexham Supporters' Club director suggesting that the guys want to make a movie and were attracted by the fact that it is the "third oldest professional club in the world that plays in the oldest international stadium anywhere in the world". Maybe a superhero movie Deadfoot starring Mario Balotelli? In the Champions League.

Until proved otherwise I'm sticking to my Championship Manager thesis: he just wants to  have fun and has a spare two mil sitting around. I look forward to further Wrexham news; if I find anything substantial, I'll share it with you. I bet you can't wait.

The length of the M23

I've just been watching Crystal Palace play Brighton. These two football clubs like to term their regular Premier League match "the M23 derby". Presumably to make up for any lack of a traditional rivalry, such as you might get with Arsenal and Tottenham, whose mutual antipathy derives from Arsenal moving from South London (originally as Woolwich Arsenal) to North London in 1913, onto Tottenham's "turf".

The term "derby" is normally used for teams in locations more or less geographically adjacent. Manchester United vs Manchester City (4 miles) is most definitely a derby; Man U vs Liverpool (33 miles) is not. No-one calls it the "M62 derby". Chelsea vs Fulham (1.8 miles) is; Chelsea vs Brentford (5.4 miles) is not. The term is most usually "local derby". Everton v Liverpool (0.9 mile) may be the closest.

How far from Crystal Palace to Brighton? 46 miles. Up the M23. Geographers amongst you may also have noticed that the M23 doesn't go to Brighton, so "A23 derby", anyone? What nonsense.

Maybe every club feels they should have a derby match in the schedule so, for Brighton, Palace are the nearest. But Newcastle don't think of their match vs Leeds as a local derby.

The term derby in this context goes back at least to the mid 19th century. Possibly down to some weird local rivalry (a village vs village punch-up?) which has been lost in the mists of time. In other words, I have no idea where it came from. Which is a pity because that's what this post was going to be about. Maybe I should do the research before I start.

In Spain, Real Madrid vs Barcelona is known as El Clásico - fierce rivalry but not a local derby.

If you were a football supporter in Wellington, New Zealand, your local professional team is Wellington Phoenix and their "derby", in terms of nearest competitor team (they play in the Australian A League), would be Sydney FC. 2,224 km away. Now there's a local derby!

Free agency news

Despite my sterling efforts on behalf of eleven destitute footballers, life remains tough for these unfortunate contributors to their countries' unemployment figures. Just two so far have had successful outcomes to their job searches. Centre forward Danny Welbeck signed for Brighton & Hove Albion on a one year deal.

It would be nice to think he can keep injury free; he has the talent to score goals for them.

And right back Nathaniel Clyne has signed a short term deal with Crystal Palace.

Centre back James Collins has decided to call it a day at the age of 37 and has retired from playing football and to "move on to my next chapter in life." Good luck for the future, James.

I still have hopes for the other eight from the original team but the question now arises whether I should replace these three with others who are available.

I think so. Here they are.

Antonio Valencia. 35. Right back. Ecuadorian international, 98 caps. Ex Wigan and Manchester United. 325 Premier League appearances, 23 goals. No history of long term injuries.

Adrian Mariappa. 34. Centre back. Jamaican international, 49 caps. Ex Reading, Crystal Palace, Watford. 168 Premier League appearances. Virtually injury free career.

Alexandre Pato. 31. Centre forward. Brazilian international, 27 caps, 10 goals. Ex AC Milan, Chelsea, Villareal. 117 Serie A appearances, 51 goals. Intermittent short term injuries only.

Peppercorns...

...all over the kitchen.

I was grinding some black pepper over my pizza when the grinder came apart. All over the kitchen; minor problem. Major problem was corns getting stuck in the mayo I had put on the pizza. Which isn't good for either the pizza or future pepper. I know, the foodies out there will be saying "get some fresh food inside you Nigel" and "mayo on pizza? weird". It's what it is; I like it. Although not so much highly peppered.

FYI it was spinach and ricotta. And I didn't eat a whole pizza. So no guilt.

Black peppercorns are dried berries from the vine Piper nigrum

healthline.com tells me that black pepper "has been deemed the 'king of spices' and used in ancient Ayurvedic medicine for thousands of years due to its high concentration of potent, beneficial plant compounds". For those of you who need me to enlighten you about Ayurvedic medicine, it's an Indian alternative medicinal system which "provides personalized recommendations about which foods to eat and avoid based on your body type" [healthline.com again]. I asked some Indians for some help but they said "sorry, we don't have anyone of your body type here, Nigel". The Indian Medical Association characterises the system as "quackery". Fake news!

Anyway I'm getting some exercise picking up all the peppercorns, as I don't want them to clog up my Dyson.

Weekly quiz #6

What shall I offer as this week's quiz topic? If I go for "one letter answers" will that be too easy? Everyone knows Bond's tech wizard Q; D is the number plate code for Germany; Juliet is the common phonetic alphabet J. What if I expanded it to two letters? That might be a bit harder. Here we go.

Q1. What is the 9th letter of the Welsh alphabet?

Q2. What area is designated by UK postcode IM?

Q3. ISO 3166-1 includes code SG for which country?

Q4. Which British territory has the internet domain name io?

Q5. Name a two letter Japanese board game.

Q6. What does the Spanish verb ir mean in English?

Q7. Boris III of Bulgaria had a son Simeon with what regnal number?

Q8. In the periodic table of elements, which element is abbreviated as Hg?

Enjoy.