The Census

Census Day in the UK is 21 March 2021. Got my form. 65 questions to answer. If you have 5 people in your household, that will be 269 questions. You should manage that just in time for the next census, in 2031. Like painting the Forth Bridge.

So, starting. Question H1: who usually lives here? Tick all that apply. There are 10 options. Although option 1 "Me" is the obvious one, I diligently check all the others in case there is a "family of swallows nesting in the eaves" option. Question H4: who else is staying here overnight on 21 March 2021? Ah, so maybe I'm not supposed to do this yet. I go back to the cover page, which clearly states "complete the census on 21 March 2021 or as soon as possible after". Yep, that's me not bothering to read the instructions.

9 days to go....

Censuses (is that the correct plural? Censi?) have been conducted in the UK since 1841 - or 1801 if you count unofficial versions. And you thought it was the Domesday Book in 1086! According to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle, William The Conqueror "sent he his men over all England into each shire; commissioning them to find out 'How many hundreds of hides were in the shire, what land the king himself had, and what stock upon the land; or, what dues he ought to have by the year from the shire.'" So a cow census really.

Two hundred years later, the Hundred Rolls included enquiries commissioned by Edward I to record the adult population for judicial and taxation purposes. A proper census.

dailytelegraph.com.au tells me that "in Babylon in about 3800BC a team of men headed out to tally up the numbers of men, women, children, livestock, slaves, butter, milk, honey and vegetables in the kingdom. The primary reason was to figure out how much food was needed to feed the population, but the figures also gave an idea of how many men were available for military service and how much they could be taxed without starving them." So, frankly, we were a bit behind in the census stakes. But, given today's sensitivities, I bet there won't be a 2021 question about slaves.

Who decided the census would be every ten years? And why is it always in a year ending in one? [I'm not even going to mention Tottenham Hotspur here - be quiet, Simon!]  There are no answers to this; someone tossed a coin.

I checked the headline facts from the 2011 UK census, to see if there were any interesting revelations. Nope.

Censuses exist to allow the government to control our lives even more than they already do. 47% of UK households keep pigeons! Let's put a pigeon tax in the next budget.

in nine days time I shall do my civic (and legal) duty and complete the online form. You will be utterly relieved to know that I shall not again post about censuses! Except maybe in ten year's time. Something to look forward to, readers....

The Irishman

The Irishman is not just a movie; it's a three and a half hour movie experience. Robert De Niro stars in Martin Scorsese's epic adaptation of Charles Brandt's book I Heard You Paint Houses. The book tells the true story of the alleged mafia hitman Frank Sheeran and the tale is narrated by De Niro as Sheeran, who describes his associations with, and actions on behalf of, infamous mobsters of the fifties and sixties.

Prominent among these is the teamster boss Jimmy Hoffa. I remember, as a teenager, hearing about Hoffa, his corrupt practices, support of Richard Nixon and antagonism to the Kennedys. This was the period when John Kennedy was elected President, appointed his brother Bobby as Attorney General, and subsequently became involved with the infamous Bay Of Pigs shambles. It was a time when the world saw hope in a "new dawn" under the leadership of a young, charismatic American President, but there were always rumours of shady underworld associations, including in his assassination. The film overtly references these events as the background to its portrayal of, literally, mob rule.

It's a monster of a film and the epithet "epic" is warranted. It's a men's tale, with little in the way of female casting. I suppose in a way it glorifies violence and corruption and Sheeran displays no remorse. But there is a sadness and inevitability of decline as the years, and society's evolution, move on.

The title of the  book is in reference to saying, "I heard you paint houses"—a mob code meaning: I heard you kill people, the "paint" being the blood that splatters when bullets are fired into a body. This tells you everything about the film. It has echoes of The Godfather and The Sopranos - and, I guess, pretty much every mobster film/series ever made. What distinguishes it is the real life context.

De Niro, and his co-stars Al Pacino and Joe Pesci, were in their late 70s when they shot the film and some remarkable CGI "de-aging" took place in production. It's an A list cast with an A list director but lost out to Parasite in the 2019 Oscars. I thought both films were excellent and I couldn't choose one or the other. In fact I could watch them again - which is rare for me.

Also rare for me is not whingeing about any film over two and half hours. In this case, it just seems to need the time and never drags.

Much recommended. If you enjoy gangster movies.

St Piran's Day

Yesterday was St Piran's Day, celebrating all things Cornish. I received an email from Cornwall Council reminding me, and telling me that I could identify as Cornish nationality on the census form due in the next few days. I guess there are all kinds of options on the form for me to identify as. I'll let you know when it arrives.

cornishcottageholidays.co.uk tells me "Across Cornwall there are parades, dancing, singing and music to honour the Cornish patron saint.". Not so much where I live.

St Piran was a 4th/5th/6th [uncertain] century Irish abbot. He was exiled by the KIngs of Ireland and arrived near Newquay [where he no doubt enjoyed much carousing, as you do]. The place became Perranporth (Piran's Bay).

According to cornishcottageholidays.co.uk, "St Piran was also known for liking a good drink, which is where the phrase ‘as drunk as a Perraner’ is believed to have come from. Legend has it he survived to the grand old age of 206 years old.". I always said Proper Job was a strong beer!

St Piran was involved in the discovery of tin and is therefore the patron saint of tin miners and, by extension, all miners and all of us in Cornwall. catholicreadings.org is unable to say when or by whom he was beatified.

Here's a group of my mates singing the Cornish National Anthem yesterday:

Stirring stuff, I think you will agree.

Dorgi

My royal correspondent tells me that a dorgi is a cross between a corgi and a daschund. She knows because the Queen has one. thedogdigest.com tells me that reasons for not mixing these two breeds include:

• Requires Significant Amount of Daily Outdoor Exercise. At 94, I have a feeling that Her Maj won't be doing that herself - but I shouldn't be prejudiced by my own attitude to exercise
• Has a Tendency to be Loud. Isn't that true of all dogs? Although to be fair I never heard my friend Tony's pug Lily utter a sound. Maybe they should cross breed corgis with pugs*. Anyway, Her Maj might need to turn down her hearing aid

This is a lockdown dorgi:

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Apparently, if you cross a corgi with a husky, you get a horgi. No, I'm serious!

Crossing an Australian Shepherd with a Poodle gives an AussiePoo. That's what Buzzfeed says. No sniggering!

What do you call a cross between a zebra and a donkey? Easy, it's a zonkey.

A cama is a cross between a camel and a llama.

What amazes me is how these come about. Why do they do this? And who are "they" anyway? Or are animals in the wild just not picky?

*And by the way, a corgi+pug mix is a porgi. Not a porky, and I don't tell those.

Enough.

Quintuple meter

Those of you who, like me, were children of the 60s, will remember Dave Brubeck's Take Five:

Quintuple meter - usually 5/4 or 5/8 time - is surprisingly common in music of all ages.

The First Delphic Hymn, by Athenaeus (2nd century BC) is in the quintuple Cretic meter:

Twenty one centuries later, here's the German baritone Hermann Prey singing Carl Loewe's 1844 ballad Prinz Eugen der edle Ritter in 5/4 time:

Tchaikovsky's Pathetique Symphony (no. 6) also has the main theme of the second movement in 5/4:

I really like this piece of Hindemith - Ludus Tonalis: Fugue in G (1942).It's a jolly 5/8.

I know you youngsters will want something more attuned to your tastes, so here's Taylor Swift in 5/4 mode:

Got a favourite out of these? Let me know.

Seven of...

... Eight. Or Four: music in 7/8 or 7/4 time.

🀍 Here is an example from Igor Stravinsky's The Firebird:

🀖 And the 4th movement of Bartok's Concerto For Orchestra:

🀟 7/8 in jazz: Don Ellis - Beat Me Daddy 7 To The Bar:

🂷 Bulgarian folk music often uses septuple meter, as in this rachenitsa:

It can be either 3-2-2 or 2-2-3. I'll leave you to work out which that is!

🂧 This Misra Capu is a clear 3-2-2:

🃇 Fancy a bit of Doctor Who?

🃗 We can't finish without some Pink Floyd - Money:

I was going to segue to Seven of Nine from Star Trek Voyager but this music proved too interesting. Another day...but here's a little taster!