Tagalog

Botham - we'll call him that rather than Sir Ian or, more recently, Lord Botham - has been appointed the UK's trade envoy to Australia. If anything is designed to get up the noses of the Aussies, it's shoving Botham down their throats. How this will influence the prospects of a free trade deal, who knows?

Trade envoys are parliamentarians - yes people, Botham is a member of our revered Upper House - appointed, unpaid, by the Prime Minister of the day. There are currently 36 trade envoys covering 76 countries/regions. Most of them - in fact, all of them other than Botham - are people you've never heard of. One imagines that they have some connection with, or experience of, their target territories. Richard Graham, MP for Gloucester, for instance, speaks Indonesian, Cantonese, Mandarin, Tagalog, French, Malay and Swahili; so a decent enough fit as trade envoy to the ASEAN Economic Community of Indonesia, Vietnam, Cambodia, Singapore, Malaysia, Brunei, Philippines, Laos, Myanmar, and Thailand. Not sure where they speak Tagalog; could it be a fictional language like Dothraki or Klingon? Nope, it's a Filipino language. I picked it up quite quickly:

The trade envoy programme only began in 2012. It's aims are to "support the drive for economic growth by building on the UK’s existing relations with these markets and maximising bilateral trade, thereby generating real and long term benefits for the UK." It's fair to assume there will be more trade envoys appointed in due course. If they follow the example of sending a cricketer to the country that he battered into submission with his determination, we might see the following:

Geoff Hurst (hat-trick in the World Cup Final victory over West Germany 1966) as envoy to Germany.

Andy Murray (beat Novak Djokovic to win Wimbledon singles final 2013) as envoy to Serbia.

Trina Gulliver (beat Francis Hoenselaar to win the darts world championships in 2002, 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007) as envoy to The Netherlands.

Laura Davies (US Women's Open Golf champion 1987, beating Ayako Okamoto and JoAnne Carner) as envoy to Japan and the USA.

Stand by your phones, people!

Who's in my lift?

Tony (my friend of whom you will be aware) responds to discussions of political personalities (we have much such discourse) with a question about a lift: "who would I like to spend time with in a lift which has broken down?" [that "who" should probably technically be "whom"; maybe even "with whom would I like to" ...but it sounds so ugly and persnickety]. I generally play along with the game: Donald Trump NO, Boris Johnson YES, Prince William NO, Ed Sheeran YES, Greta Thunberg NO, Andy Murray YES. Those are mine, not Tony's.

We learned yesterday that Abba are releasing a new album, Yeh! Here's the second track:

I hope it makes Asda Radio in time for my breakfast on Saturday.

So here is the lift question for you guys: With whom would you most like to share a lift for ten minutes - the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Oasis or Abba? Let me know, with reasons.

Liberia

According to worldpopulationreview.com, only three countries in the world do not us the metric system of measurement. I'd have thought that the UK was one of those but no, it's the USA, Myanmar and ...

Liberia.

That's a strange mix of countries, wouldn't you agree? Add to your next pub quiz, if you're the quiz-setter. Do you know when the metric system was invented? Answer: 1789, the year of the French Revolution. No more cubits, rods, poles or perches.

Liberia is a West African coastal country, founded by the American Colonization Society. The  ACS was originally known as the Society for the Colonization of Free People of Color of America, was founded in 1816 by Robert Finley to encourage and support the migration of free African Americans to the continent of Africa. Which sounds awfully like sending the slaves back where  they came from. Because of its American roots, the country used the American measurement units.

As for Myanmar, their measurement unit history followed a similar pattern, in this case from the Brits' colonisation of Burma (the Western name for Myanmar). After independence, however, they used their own system of measurement: the taung is two Imperial yards (also known as a fathom, as my retired naval officer readers will know - and probably pine for), a sa le is 1⅛ pints - I'll have a sa le of Burbrit Nevada Pale Ale, please, unless you have some zero alcohol. That'll be 8,000 Myanmar Kyat, please sir.

Both Liberia and Myanmar appear to be on the way to adopting the metric system so the good ole US of A will be out on a limb. Not for the first - or I imagine the last - time.

Tarragona

Tarragon is a city in Catalonia,

not far from Barcelona. citytoursbarcelona.com tells me that "The wines from El Camp de Tarragona have body and aromatic." I found a Baturrica Gran Reserva 2015 in Lidl

this afternoon and am looking forward to tasting it.

Lidl says I should enjoy this with, amongst other things, pizza. So excuse me while I get on to Domino's. It'll be a 7" Texas BBQ with Vegan Garlic & Herb Dip and (to reach the minimum for delivery) Cookie Dough ice cream. On its way. Bye

The last of the Romans have left

It's the Annual General Meeting of the Joint Committee of the People's Front of Cornwall (PFC) and the Cornish People's Front (CPF).

Nige (PFC Leader): All right, but apart from the crowded beaches, the traffic jams, caravans, beer cans, public disorder, queues, pollution, noisy groups of teenagers and Covid-19, what have the Tourists ever done for us?

PFC Member: Brought money?

Nige: Oh, money? SHUT UP!

PFC Member: Jobs. And people.

Mandy (Brian's mum, possibly a CPF spy): Who are all those people?

Brian (as in Life Of): A few friends, popped by for a second.

Mandy: Popped by? Swarmed by is more like it. There's a multitude out there.

210,000 of them this year. I know Cornwall needs tourists but what a relief it is when kids return to school, the Tourists depart and we return to ... peace and quiet. And parking spaces. And restaurant bookings.

Always look on the bright side of life
De-dum, de-dum de-dum de-dum

Nige: If you want to join the People's Front of Cornwall, you have to really hate the Tourists.

Brian: I do!

Nige: How much?

Brian: A lot!

Nige: Right, you're in.

14 Ethnic groups

The National Anthem of Afghanistan has an interesting history. Unless and until the Taliban reintroduce the anthem used from 1996 to 2001, the existing anthem written into the constitution of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan in 2004, and confirmed by Loya Jirga in 2006, presumably holds. Article 20 of the Afghan constitution (2004) requires that the national anthem shall be in Pashto with the mention of "God is Greatest" (Allāhu Akbar) as well as the names of the ethnicities in Afghanistan. There are 14 of those, as you'll see:

This is the country of every tribe
Land of Baloochs, and Uzbeks
Pashtoons, and Hazaras
Turkman and Tajiks

With them, Arabs and Gojars
Pamirian, Nooristanian
Barahawi, and Qizilbash
Also Aimaq, and Pashaye

nationalanthems.info tells us "There has been some criticism of the anthem due to the stated conditions of composition, that the Pashto requirement places less importance on the other languages spoken in the country; that the phrase “Allāhu Akbar” should not be used in the anthem, as it is a sacred phrase in Islam and should not be set to music; and the ethnic groups mentioned in the anthem still do not represent the entire spectrum of nationalities in the country." But it's also different to many of the other 6 anthems since 1926 in espousing peace:

This land is Afghanistan
It is pride of every Afghan
The land of peace, the land of sword
Its sons are all braves

This Land will shine for ever
Like the sun in the blue sky
In the chest of Asia
It will remain as heart for ever

From 1992 to 1996 and again, post-Taliban, from 2002 to 2006 the anthem began:

Fortress of Islam, heart of Asia,
Forever free, soil of the Aryans,
Birthplace of great heroes
Fellow traveler of the warriors of the men of God

This is the Home of the Brave was, from 1996 to 2001, and presumably will now be, the Taliban anthem and contains lines such as:

We defend it with our blood, this is the home of the martyrs!
This is the home of the brave, this is the home of the brave!

And

Do you think it can be conquered? It is the home of the lions!
Once we were liberated from the British, we became a grave for the Russians!
Look at these numerous skulls, that's what was left by the Russians!

This is to be sung a capella, as Islamic scholarship prohibits musical instruments.

You may well think isn't for you but, in case you are interested, here's a performance:

If you ignore the context, I actually like it as a musical experience. In any case, you'll have read previous comments of mine about national anthems and my aversion to their jingoism ("Send her victorious", anyone?).

I'm looking forward to the post-Elizabethan UK anthem, celebrating our ethnic groups:

This is the country of every tribe
Land of Scots, and Ulstermen
Englishwomen, and the Welsh
Cornishmen and Lancastrians

With them, Scousers and Geordies
Celts, Saxons
Londoners, and Others
Also Fans of Ipswich Town, but not Norwich

I'll sing it to you if you like.