I'm on a GWR train. Trying to watch the football on my shiny new (non-Apple) tablet, which I adore. But the train wifi isn't up to the job and m I'll explain why.
My train was cancelled, which is not atypical on a weekend. I get the next train, one hour later, on which of course I no longer have a seat reservation - although a bit of aggressive hunting resolves that. But there are now two trainloads of people on one train. And two trainloads of people using the wifi which is in normal circumstances slow and is now virtually unusable.
I find a seat and notice that the free first class drinks trolley is a few rows away, so I can grab a coffee. Not so fast: "Sorry. I've passed that seat, I'll catch you on the way back". What? I'm here, you're there, just hand me a coffee. Please. Not my actual words but I was not myself. A good thing I got the coffee while it was available (plus a pathetic little "snack box", which is GWR's contribution to citizens' obesity at weekends when there are no sandwiches - which you'd think they could make a packet on given the large customer base on this train).
Because shortly after, the announcement "sorry we're suspending trolley service because we can't get through the massed hordes".
Meanwhile, in a further development, "sorry there are loads of you without seats so we are declassifying this service; you can go and sit in the empty first class seats alongside the posh people who have paid £100 or more for the privilege of avoiding the hoi polloi. Long live the revolution!".
"Dear first class travellers, please note that, should you ever get home, you can claim a refund of the difference between your fare and a cattle class fare, although it's obviously possible the website will crash if you all do it at the same time ".
What am I going to do for the remaining hours of my journey? I know, I'll write a blog post. Which is why I'm sharing this with you, dear patient reader.
If I ever get to Whitstable today, I'll need a strong drink and a shower.