The Castle of Mey

The Castle of Mey. The solution to the King's problem.

The name of the problem is Andrew. Still a Prince, I believe. If I were the King (and I'm with Boris on this; it's a highly desirable life option) I'd be looking hard at where I would like him to live. Number one criterion is...as far away from me as possible. Hence the Castle of Mey, which is a few miles away from John o' Groats.700 miles away from London, only 200 from Norway.

The north of Scotland has a rich history with Norway so it's perfectly possible we could persuade Norway to annex that small portion of the north east coast of Scotland, in which case Andrew would be a Norway resident and they might even allow him to be extradited to the USA to give evidence in the Epstein/Maxwell investigation.

It should be easy to persuade Andrew of this. Large house? Tick - according to the Times it has 38 rooms including 15 bedrooms; not at all sure what he'd do with those but I'm guessing he would come up with some ideas. Grand living? Tick - it's a castle, for goodness sake. Title? You could call him King Of The North, which would have the additional advantage of annoying Andy Burnham. Two ticks.

Then there's the referendum. The next time there is one on Scottish independence, the King could legitimately campaign for the Yes camp, as "my brother is available to be your King". In which case, again, the extradition possibility comes into play.

You need to know how to play to people's egos, Charles.

Footy updates 2025/19

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Ipswich 1 West Brom 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-0
Only the second clean sheet of the season; that says everything. More needed

Hull 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-1
A late equaliser for Charlton

Wycombe 1 Huddersfield 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 3-0
A very early red card for Huddersfield helps Wycombe further away from the relegation zone

Whitstable 2 Holmesdale 1 CGPT: 3-1 Result: 5-0 [attendance: 578]
2 goals for D Grant and 2 for 38yo Joe Healy (described on Wikipedia as a "former footballer")

Arsenal 2 Crystal Palace 1 CGPT: 3-0 Result: 1-0
The juggernaut rolls on

Everton 1 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-1 Result: 0-3

Impressive away form. 3rd in the table, 5 points behind the Gunners

Correct results: 2 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 3)

Correct scores: 0 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 1 Chat GPT 2

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Upcoming midweek games (all EFL Cup 4th round):

Wycombe v Fulham

Arsenal v Brighton

Newcastle v Tottenham

Footy updates 2025/18

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Recent matches:

Snodland Town 1 Whitstable Town 5
Up to 2nd in the table

Ipswich 0 Charlton 3
Shocker. What has happened to Ipswich? And it's maybe Charlton who are promotion candidates

Arsenal 4 Atletico Madrid 0
Thrilling win against a tricky opponent

Monaco 0 Tottenham 0

Snoozefest

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My forecasts for this weekend: (and ChatGPT's):

Ipswich 1 West Brom 1 CGPT: 2-1

Hull 2 Charlton 1 CGPT: 2-1

Wycombe 1 Huddersfield 1 CGPT: 1-1

Whitstable 2 Holmesdale 1 CGPT: 3-1

Arsenal 2 Crystal Palace 1 CGPT: 3-0

Everton 1 Tottenham 1 CGPT: 2-1

Footy updates 2025/17

How did my forecasts fare this weekend? (And ChatGPT's)

Middlesbrough 1 Ipswich 1 CGPT: 1-1 Result: 2-1
Top of the table Middlesbrough show Ipswich that control trounces flair

Charlton 1 Sheffield Wednesday 0 CGPT: 1-2 Result: 2-1
Wednesday are a basket case; I'd expect ChatGPT to know that 

Blackpool 1 Wycombe 2  CGPT: 1-2 Result: 1-1
113th minute equaliser keeps the Chairboys out of the relegation zone

Erith & Belvedere 1  Whitstable Town 2  CGPT: 1-2 Result: 0-1
Up to 5th; games in hand 

Fulham 0 Arsenal 1 CGPT: 0-2 Result: 0-1
Top of the table 

Tottenham 2 Aston Villa 0  CGPT: 2-1 Result: 1-2
Bit of a shocker really; Spurs 6th 

Correct results: 3 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 2)

Correct scores: 1 out of 6 (ChatGPT: 0)

Match score this season so far: usedtobecroquetman 1 Chat GPT 1

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Upcoming midweek games:

Snodland Town v Whitstable Town 

Ipswich v Charlton 

Arsenal v Atletico Madrid 

Monaco v Tottenham 

Welcome to the 80s

On Being Eighty

On Being Eighty

Do not smile and pat me on the head
Because I’m eighty
Do not treat me as though I were a child
Because I’m eighty
Do not assume that I am 
Not as bright as you
Or that my opinion doesn’t count
Because I’m eighty
Do not talk about me 
As though I weren’t there
Because I’m eighty
Do not roll your eyes to heaven 
When I complain and please...Please 
Don’t call me dearie
Just because I’m eighty

Beatrice Boyle
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Eighty Not Out
In the gay, gleamy morn I adore to go walking,
And oh what sweet people I meet on my way!
I hail them with joy for I love to be talking,
Although I have nothing important to say.
I cheer the old grannies whose needles are plying;
I watch the wee kiddies awhoop at their play:
When sunny the sky is, you'll not be denying
The morning's the bonniest bit of the day.
With hair that is silver the look should be smiling,
And lips that are ageful should surely be wise;
And so I go gaily with gentle beguiling,
Abidding for cheer in the bright of your eyes.
I look at the vines and the blossoms with loving;
I listen with glee to the thrush on the spray:
And so with a song in my heart I am proving
That life is more beautiful every day.

For I think that old age is the rapture of living,
And though I've had many a birthday of cheer,
Of all the delectable days of God's giving,
The best of the bunch is my eightieth year.
So I will go gay in the beam of the morning
Another decade,--Oh I haven't a doubt!
Adoring the world of the Lord's glad adorning,
And sing to the glory of Ninety-not-Out.
Robert William Service

I'm with the great unwashed

I'm on a GWR train. Trying to watch the football on my shiny new (non-Apple) tablet, which I adore. But the train wifi isn't up to the job and m I'll explain why.

My train was cancelled, which is not atypical on a weekend. I get the next train, one hour later, on which of course I no longer have a seat reservation - although a bit of aggressive hunting resolves that. But there are now two trainloads of people on one train. And two trainloads of people using the wifi which is in normal circumstances slow and is now virtually unusable.

I find a seat and notice that the free first class drinks trolley is a few rows away, so I can grab a coffee. Not so fast: "Sorry. I've passed that seat, I'll catch you on the way back". What? I'm here, you're there, just hand me a coffee. Please. Not my actual words but I was not myself. A good thing I got the coffee while it was available (plus a pathetic little "snack box", which is GWR's contribution to citizens' obesity at weekends when there are no sandwiches - which you'd think they could make a packet on given the large customer base on this train).

Because shortly after, the announcement "sorry we're suspending trolley service because we can't get through the massed hordes".

Meanwhile, in a further development, "sorry there are loads of you without seats so we are declassifying this service; you can go and sit in the empty first class seats alongside the posh people who have paid £100 or more for the privilege of avoiding the hoi polloi. Long live the revolution!".

"Dear first class travellers, please note that, should you ever get home, you can claim a refund of the difference between your fare and a cattle class fare, although it's obviously possible the website will crash if you all do it at the same time ".

What am I going to do for the remaining hours of my journey? I know, I'll write a blog post. Which is why I'm sharing this with you, dear patient reader.

If I ever get to Whitstable today, I'll need a strong drink and a shower.