The Apostrophe Protection Society

Did you know that the Apostrophe Protection Society is a thing?

Well it isn't. Any longer. It closed its [I'm being careful here with my use or non-use of apostrophes] doors last November. Its founder John Richards wrote at the time:

With regret I have to announce that, after some 18 years, I have decided to close the Apostrophe Protection Society.

There are two reasons for this. One is that at 96 [Ed:😮] I am cutting back on my commitments and the second is that fewer organisations and individuals are now caring about the correct use of the apostrophe in the English Language.

We, and our many supporters worldwide, have done our best but the ignorance and laziness present in modern times have won!

Maybe John should care a bit more about the use of capital letters in the English language but if I am still around at the age of 96, I will be happy just to be able to write a word or two, let alone what they say or how they are expressed. Good job, John. But 'we' as a plural representing the Society as a singular entity? Not so sure.

However - there's always a however - although I am not one of the lazy ignoramuses [Ed: surely that should be ignorami? Please check with the Latin Suffix Protection Society] to whom he refers, in the context of The Apostrophe, I am a sceptic where Protection Societies are concerned.

The NSPCC, OK. RSPCA, fair enough. The Mafia, not so much. The British Hedgehog Preservation Society (President: Mrs Tiggy-Winkle) gets a bit prickly if you make jokes about them so I won't.

And explain to me why the Royals want to protect animals but not children. 

The Huddersfield Pig Protection Society (Est. 1866) seems to have missed the point of their title as their articles of association refer to the 'protection of those who keep pigs'. Apparently it was the pigs that set up the society but the keepers revolted and executed a coup. Four legs good, two legs better.

Going back to language, I could find no reference to a Punctuation Protection Society. Had there been one, William Faulkner would not have been allowed in:

"My God the cigar what would your mother say if she found a blister on her mantel just in time too look here Quentin we’re about to do something we’ll both regret I like you liked you as soon as I saw you I says he must be …”

Faulkner probably had the" Let's eat Grandad" T shirt. But he did get the apostrophes right. John Richards should have made him an honorary member. #GoTAPS

Weekly quiz #8

What to challenge my readers with this week? We've done quotations (twice), geography, two letter words, portraits, Shakespearean mini-synopses and 'guess the year'.

We bloggers like being topical so I'm going for a Halloween quiz this week.

Your score for questions 7 and 8 will be determined by your answers posted as comments.

Q1. Halloween is a contraction of All Hallows E'en, the day before the Christian All Saints Day. Which Pope inaugurated that Day?

Q2. Halloween incorporated traditions of the Samhain festival - such as wearing costumes to ward off ghosts - of what religion/culture?

Q3. There are longstanding connections between Halloween and witches. What animal is most associated with witches?

Q4. The most recent witch trial worldwide was where and when?

Q5. Which artist painted the most famous depiction of a Witches' Sabbath?

Q6. What unusual brass instrument did Hector Berlioz use in the final movement of his Symphonie Fantastique - "Songe d'une nuit du sabbat" (Dream of a Witches' Sabbath)?

Q7.  What do witches use their broomsticks for?

Q8. What is the correct, government covid-approved response to scary trick-or-treaters at your front door?

Quiz #7 answers

Q1. "Politics is a very long run game and the tortoise will usually beat the hare." John Major

Q2. "Diplomats were invented simply to waste time." David Lloyd George

Q3. "One of the things being in politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasonable sex." Margaret Thatcher

Q4. "We best avoid wars by taking even physical action to stop small ones." Anthony Eden

Q5. “Mr. President, with the greatest respect, I would prefer the American eagle's neck to be on a swivel so that it could face the olive branches or the arrows, as the occasion might demand.” Winston Churchill

Q6. "Power? It's like a Dead Sea fruit. When you achieve it, there is nothing there." Harold MacMillan

Q7. "Thank you very much... doooo doooo doo doo, right.... good." David Cameron

Q8. "We spend more on cows than the poor." Gordon Brown

Accents

Research or research? Where does the emphasis lie? When I'm chatting with my friend Tony, I emphasise the second syllable; with others, i.e. normal people 😀 it's REsearch. Is one correct?

English is a funny language because there are no written accents to show correct syllabic (as distinct from syllabub)

(mm) emphasis.

Compare the French. Number one, they have the Académie Française, which tells the minions what to say and how to say it. It publishes the Dictionnaire de l'Académie française. Very bourgeois. We Brits have the BBC.

Number two, what the French do have is accents: acute, grave, circumflex and diarhesis or trema. And the occasional cedilla. The most interesting thing I could find out about the acute accent is that it can only be used with the letter e and changes its pronunciation from uh to eh. As in liberté, égalité, fraternité. Which, as it happens, emphasises that final syllable; so why not just say that?

However, the grave accent on the letter e also makes the eh sound, as in cusinière (for those without GCSE French that's a female cook; the French are definitely not gender-woke). So why the duplication? It's that Académie again; nothing better to do.

The other French accents are even more confusing. And not strictly about emphasis, which was my original point.

So let's move on to Spanish. There are two key points: (1) every Spanish word has one and only one stress (2) If a word ends with a consonant other than ‘s’ or ‘n’, the final syllable is stressed (oxytone words), otherwise the penultimate syllable is stressed (paroxytone words). Simples. Erm, unless a syllable has an acute accent, in which case it takes the stress - as in propósito (purpose).

I have an O Level in Spanish: good choice, Nigel.

We poor Brits have none. Is obfuscation a trait of the British? Perfidious Albion; say one thing, mean another: "Oh you didn't understand the emphasis, Michel. We were not combining Great Britain and Northern Ireland, we were talking about farmers and their combine harvesters." "Mais bien sûr [there's that circunflex], Boris. Nous vous croyons."

Imagine yourself as a three year old struggling with some early reading.

What to make of:

"I present you with a present"

"I am recording your speed records"

"I am going to subject you to the subject of heteronymity"

"I will relay the result of the relay race"

"I refuse to take out the refuse"?

Better:

"I presént you with a présent"

"I am recórding your speed récords"

"I am góing to subjéct you to the súbject of heteronýmity"

"I will reláy the resúlt of the rélay race"

"I refúse to take out the réfuse"

Símples.

I think I will form the Académie Nigelaise.

I know, you are disappöinted becäuse you thöught this post would be aböut régional Énglish áccents. So, as a sop to you. here's one: [I know, the system is a work in progress]

Gan canny or we'll dunsh summick

Your guess is a good as mine.

Weekly quiz #7

This week it's quotations - specifically by British Prime Ministers. Who said the following? Even if you don't recognise them, I hope you will find the quotes interesting and perhaps worthy of family debate - maybe at lockdown Christmas?

We have had 55 Prime Ministers but you'll be relieved to know there aren't 55 questions - although I might set myself that task one day.

The longest serving PM was Robert Walpole at 20 years, 314 days; the shortest George Canning at 119 days. Gladstone served four separate terms as PM, more than anyone else.

Q1. "Politics is a very long run game and the tortoise will usually beat the hare."

Q2. "Diplomats were invented simply to waste time."

Q3. "One of the things being in politics has taught me is that men are not a reasoned or reasonable sex."

Q4. "We best avoid wars by taking even physical action to stop small ones."

Q5. “Mr. President, with the greatest respect, I would prefer the American eagle's neck to be on a swivel so that it could face the olive branches or the arrows, as the occasion might demand.”

Q6. "Power? It's like a Dead Sea fruit. When you achieve it, there is nothing there."

Q7. "Thank you very much... doooo doooo doo doo, right.... good"

Q8. "We spend more on cows than the poor."

Quiz #6 answers

Q1. What is the 9th letter of the Welsh alphabet?

ff

Q2. What area is designated by UK postcode IM?

Isle Of Man

Q3. ISO 3166-1 includes code SG for which country?

Singapore

Q4. Which British territory has the internet domain name io?

British Indian Ocean Territory

Q5. Name a two letter Japanese board game.

GO

Q6. What does the Spanish verb ir mean in English?

To go

Q7. Boris III of Bulgaria had a son Simeon with what regnal number?

II

Q8. In the periodic table of elements, which element is abbreviated as Hg?

Mercury