Match Of The Dull #MOTD

Let's face it, Match Of The Day is one of the dullest TV programmes.

Aired at a time when sensible people are in bed, it shows brief highlights of the Premier League matches of the day. It's so predictable that, if your team was involved in in a drab 0-0 draw (that's you, Chelsea!), you'll know that you're for the ten minutes to midnight slot. Clips are so short that they inevitably give a distorted view of the match.

Then there's the presenter and so-called pundits. Ex footballers who tell us what we already know and can see (if the highlights haven't missed it) - that Spurs don't score in the first half of games, Chelsea need a number 9 (they actually have one but he's on loan in Italy), that James Ward Prowse is the best free kick taker in the world, that Bruno Fernandes is a whinger, etc.

To fill in the time - it's a 90 minute programme with approximately 50 minutes of football - the ex footballer buddies joke with and about each other on sofas, reminiscing about their days on the sacred green turf ("we would never have allowed that behaviour in our day") and generally having nothing new to say.

What would be a better idea would be to show extended highlights of the football, without presenter or pundits ruining it. It's TV, we can use our eyes.

Wait! That's happening tonight? Terrific. I'll be there.

The Bleedin' Obvious

There are some ideas that are so obviously stupid that it's not worth the effort setting out the arguments. Like sending asylum seekers to Rwanda. And Government-appointed football regulators.

The Government's White Paper is driven by a "fan led review". Have you ever seen a football fan, Mr Sunak**? These are morons who, bare chested in the middle of winter, stand up - blocking the view of those seated behind them - and yell obscenities at the opposition (and sometimes their own) players and the officials*. Obviously they should regulate football.

Governments wouldn't dream of interfering in other private businesses. Football isn't special. It's not a cultural icon that needs protection, like the Royal Opera House (don't get me onto that). Go and regulate an industry that's out of control, like electricity providers.

There may be an upside, though. When Kier Starmer, an Arsenal season ticket holder, becomes PM, he might appoint Jeremy Corbyn - another - to be Sports Minister, thus enabling a Golden Age of Gunners success. Let's do it!

* This pretty much accurately describes me in front of the TV watching football. Without the bare chest, obviously. Many years ago I stopped taking my young sons to football matches, because of the foul language and obnoxious behaviour. That of the fans too.

** I'm guessing that's a No.

Seven things to be hopeful for Arsenal

1. They are top of the league (as of this date: 19th February 2023), two points clear and with a game in hand over the two Manchester clubs

2. After a difficult game away to Leicester, (25th February) they have a promising run of matches in March:

• home to Everton (revenge)
• home to Bournemouth
• away to Fulham
• home to Crystal Palace

3. Jorginho is a key new addition and could play alongside Partey if needed

4. They are 13 points clear of fifth place Newcastle, so a top 4 place (and qualification for the 2023/2024 Champions League) is a strong probability

5. Their final match of the season is at home to Wolves, who may be relegated by then

6. Emile Smith Rowe is back and he can score goals

7. Gabriel Jesus will be back soon

Fellow Gunners supporters, there is hope of a first Premier League title for 19 years!

Good joke from Wicked Uncle

I mixed up “Jacuzzi” and “Yakuza” by accident. Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

😜

No more Warwick Drive

The Queen's Speech included a proposal to 'allow' residents to choose the name of the street on which they live.

What could possibly go wrong?

I'll tell you what could go wrong. Boaty McBoatface.

You'll recall that, in 2016, the great British public was given the opportunity to choose the name for a new polar scientific research ship. They chose Boaty. The Government said "not on our watch" and named the ship Sir David Attenborough. Now, there are those who believe that the honourable thing for Sir Dave to do would have been to have said "no thanks, McBoaty will do just fine". There is actually no record that he actually cares one way or the other.

I live on a street called Warwick Drive. To my knowledge, this little part of Cornwall has no connection with the town of Warwick, nor the Earl of Warwick, nor Jeffrey Archer's William Warwick books, or Warwick Davis, so how this came about is unknown (at least to me). Perhaps there was an online poll and my co-residents - or their ancestors - chose this name. Maybe one of them had just been to Warwick Castle. Anyway, we shall have to endure this inappropriate name no longer. Campaigning will soon begin to choose a better name. I'm lobbying for Just Chilling and I have my social media campaign all ready to go. No Drive, Avenue, Road, Street, Gardens, Grove, Highway or Strip. Just Just Chilling. Get ready for a surge in readership!

It has to be said, in the interests of accuracy,that the proposal actually promises local people “more of a say over changing street names”. So not quite full control to the citizenry. And how frequently can we change names? If we choose Donald McTrumpFace and he goes to  jail, can we change please? Estate agents will be licking their lips at the prospect of new attributes for their properties: "large mansion in St Austell with three street name votes".

Perhaps the UK Government could reflect on the possibility that "levelling up" might just as easily result in levelling down. And stop pandering to the populace! Get on with important things like sending refugees to Rwanda, building new nuclear submarines and declaring war. On second thoughts .........

I don't get it

I try hard to avoid football content, so as not to halve my readership. Well, not that hard, truth be told. And we are in the season 2021/2022 end game from tonight onwards. Despite Wycombe Wanderers amazingly and brilliantly getting through to Wembley for the League One playoffs, my focus is on Thursday's Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal game.

Arsenal are 4 points clear of Spurs and both teams will have 2 games to go after this North London Derby. One of them will end up in 4th place in the Premier League table, earning for themselves the riches of the Champions League next season. The other will end up 5th and have to suffer the ignominy of Thursday evening Europa League consolation.

If I were a neutral, the expectation would be that Spurs win the NLD - they are in good form and at home - followed by their winning their two extremely easy games against already-relegated-and-on-their-holidays Norwich City and truly-awful Burnley. You - the neutral observer - would expect Arsenal to drop points in at least one of the remaining games against rejuvenated Newcastle and also-truly-awful Everton. All of which suggests it's all on a knife edge. A real 50/50.

Yet the bookies' odds make Arsenal 2/7 favourites to get that 4th place, with Spurs around 9/4 against. I don't get it. Nevertheless I have a dinky little £50 bet on Spurs to make it, although I only got just under 2/1 at the time. Should that happen, it would buy me a few beers to drown my sorrows.

There is also the delicious, if unlikely, prospect that both could overtake Chelsea and force the latter out of next season's Champions League. The odds of that happening are around 50/1 against. We can hope. Watch this space.

Tomorrow - Leeds v Chelsea.

Thursday - the Big One. I would be behind the sofa if I had one. I'm already a bag of nerves, two days out. Time for a drink..........