Thursday, 3 September 2020

I'm puzzled

Two things happened yesterday.

One, I started a new puzzle


Can you guess what the picture is? There are clues.

Two, I received a surprise package from a shop in Whitstable. It is another puzzle!

The message card says "Happy puzzling!" and it reveals that it was sent by my co-grandparent Jane. Thank you, Jane!

The picture is Van Gogh's "Starry Night".

It's the usual 1,000 pieces and looks a real challenge, Almost as tricky as this

which I was given as a present some time ago by Jane and Trevor and which I have so far not mustered the courage to begin.

Let's see if I can complete these without ending with a piece missing!

Tuesday, 1 September 2020

Judge a man by his questions

...rather than by his answers. So said Voltaire.

Voltaire (1694-1778) was the nom de plume of François-Marie Arouet. His family apparently nicknamed him "Zozo"; you can see why he changed that. He took Voltaire after being imprisoned in the Bastille; the word has a convoluted genesis involving anagrams, which I won't bore you with. It seems a bit lubricious, frankly.

Anyway, to questions. Judge me by them.

Q. What animal has the biggest ears?

Photo by kyle smith on Unsplash

Q. Why has Elon Musk put a chip

Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplashin a pig?

Q. Why is a botched job called a pig's ear?

Q. Who does Napoleon represent in Animal Farm?

Q. If Musk's pig now has a brain the size of a planet, why does she tolerate the name Gertrude?

Q. How many pigs does it take to change a light bulb?

Photo by Federico Bottos on Unsplash

Q. If it takes 120 days for a piglet to be born, would it take 240 days for piglet twins (piglins)?

Photo by Kenneth Schipper Vera on Unsplash

Q. Do pigs roll around in sand dunes in the desert?

Q. Can pigs see rainbows?

Photo by Alex Jackman on Unsplash

I'm not giving answers because Zozo would not be interested. It is not known whether he kept pigs.

Judge me.

Friday, 28 August 2020

It's done

 

My latest jigsaw puzzle. Finished.

Or not. Eagle-eyed readers will have noticed one piece - ONE! - missing.

Was I sold the puzzle incomplete? Or have I lost the piece whilst shuffling around the pieces during the last few weeks? Obviously the smart money is on the latter.

Do I now turn my house upside down in an effort to locate the 1,000th piece or will it by now have disappeared into the depths of my Dyson vacuum cleaner (which, funnily enough has been sounding a bit off lately)?

Blooming Paris. Blooming jigsaws.

UPDATE: Having searched every square inch of floor in my lounge, to no avail, I dismantled the Dyson in the hope that the errant piece might have found its way into its tubes. The bad news is that no jigsaw piece was found; the good news is that the Dyson is no longer sounding funny.

Wednesday, 26 August 2020

Full stops

 I'm told that Linguists believe that full stops have fallen out of fashion with young people because they 'signify an abrupt or angry tone of voice'

I'm definitely not angry

Does Generation Z feel intimidated Apparently so and they also dont use punctuation in their text messages. [Aargh! Delete that! Just kidding]

Is it the Americans that call full stops periods We have a different meaning for that

Are exclamation points open to misinterpretation [question mark deleted] Does that mean you are shouting Calm down

Wired.com [how to avoid the full stop in a URL] tells me "A semicolon in a text message is the equivalent of putting on makeup to go to the gym" I have no idea what that means

Is this what my mum used to say about minding my Ps and Qs (I always like to search for the derivation of obscure phrases but could find nothing definitive for this) [Are curly brackets punctuation If so I am not G Z friendly]

Adrian Mole had a go at understanding punctuation

"Pandora! / I adore ya / I implore ye / Don't ignore me."

James Joyce had this down to a fine art Molly Bloom's soliloquy in Ulysses counts out at a 3,687 word sentence So kids do streams of consciousness Ive heard my grandkids do that And some bloggers

Im glad Im not a teenager any more

U Turns

I play an old computer game Championship Manager 2001/02, known to its fans as CM0102. It's a clunky, enjoyable role playing game (RPG as video gamers know it) where you manage a football club. Ipswich Town might be in League One now but by tomorrow in my game they will have won the World Cup (that's a slightly patronising nod to my many football-hating readers, who don't know that clubs cannot win international tournaments).

Anyway, in each turn of the game it is possible to get News items to read. One of the most iconic is "....[club name] chairman says that ..... [manager's name] has the Board's full confidence." When you see this, you know that seven days later that manager will be sacked. The ultimate in U turns.

Politicians hate U turns but seem to indulge in them rather too often. "You turn if you want to.The lady's not for turning" said Margaret Thatcher; in that context - the UK economy - she stuck with it but later her party (after she had been ousted over the poll tax issue) made a U turn on the policy she had introduced.

In the US, U turns are called flip-flops, although to us Brits they are the most uncomfortable beach footwear you can imagine. In Australia and New Zealand, U turns are "backflips", which sound like the highest tariff dives possible. In Italy they probably call a flipflop a ciabatte infradito; I had one of those recently at the Britannia Inn. Delicious. The Spanish chanclas sounds less edible, more a percussion instrument.

I don't really go in for politics in this blog, so I am going to skip over the eleven U turns made by the UK government since 12 March. Tempting but...no, move on.

Why do U turns only take place "at the 11th hour"? In these times of 24 hour clocks, do our fellow Europeans U turn "at the 23rd hour"?

Is it a U turn to change your mind? Ashoka (304–232 BCE) was an Indian Emperor who ruled over a huge Indian Empire. He conquered Kalinga in a bitterly destructive war, in which thousands were slain. After seeing the slaughter he had caused, Ashoka embraced Buddhism and preached a new doctrine of non-violence, toleration and peace. 10/10 Ashoka.

U turns in the movies:

“- Jenny: You like Patsy Cline? I just love her. I wonder how come she don't put out no more new records.
- Bobby Cooper: Because she's dead.
- Jenny: Oh... that's sad. Don't that make you sad?
- Bobby Cooper: I've had time to get over it.” [Claire Danes and Sean Penn in Oliver Stone's movie "U Turn" of 1997]

I thought the Highway Code might have something to say about U turns but no. There is only "Just before U turn [sic], check for undertaking cyclists or motorcyclists". But U turns don't always need to be seen as negative. I'll give Indian writer Atul Chandra Sarkar the last word.

Squeeze the rose of my heart,
Each red drop,
Reflects you;
Split the oyster of my heart,
See the pearls,
Of our lovely moments;
The Great Bear in the sky
Of my heart are our,
Seven days spent together;
The scattered dandelions
Of my heart's garden relate,
My million wishes for you;
The meteors hitch to shoot,
From the heaven of my heart,
Lest I again wish for you;
My grave cannot hold me back,
I'll wander out in search of you,
If my ashes are immersed,
I shall take a u-turn,
To return back to you!

Monday, 24 August 2020

Biography

I have never read much in the way of biography - the occasional footballer, maybe. But historical figures, almost none. Until now. I have spent the last few weeks reading Claire Tomalin's "Samuel Pepys: the Unequalled Self". Oh my, what I have been missing. This is spellbinding stuff, beautifully written and opening  up new vistas for me of the English Civil War, the Stuarts and their failings and the sheer wantonness of 17th century life.

It is an enormous read and reading a couple of dozen pages in bed each night means I have spaced this endeavour out over several weeks. Which I can only imagine matches in some way the incredible amount of research which must have gone into writing this book. So I feel I am honouring the spirit of the author; I hope she would be proud of me.

Obviously the primary source material for the book is Pepys' diary. Excerpts from the diary in the book make me realise how much I need an interlocutor if I am to understand his words. 17th century English, interspersed with words in foreign tongues and encased in a florid and expressive vernacular render much of the language impenetrable to the non scholar that I am. Pepys' education clearly doesn't match mine; his is classical in style and mine is scientific modernist, hence my difficulties. What am I to make of "the mistresse of the shop took us into the kitchen and there talked and used us very prettily, and took her for my wife, which I owned and her big belly, and there very merry, till my thing done, and then took coach and home, in the way tomando su mano and putting it where I used to do; which ella did suffer, but not avec tant de freedom as heretofore, I perceiving plainly she had alguns apprehensions de me but I did offer natha more then what I had often done. "? (Best not explained to the children)

In his diary Pepys gives a vivid picture of life in the second half of the 17th century. The Great Plague of 1665 and the Fire of London in the following year are extensively chronicled in the book and resonated strongly with me at our pandemic time.

Pepys is a man of many parts. We read extensively of him as a naval administrator, as a loyal courtier to, in turn, Cromwell,  Charles II and James II, as a "mover and shaker" in society and as a husband (sadly not a father).

The navy was a hugely important part of English power and Pepys worked his way up through the civil service ranks to eventually become Secretary to the Admiralty. There were 23 years of war with the Dutch and later conflicts with the French who were supporting James II and his return to the English throne. Pepys signed supply contracts, administered the fleet and the dockyards and was a persistent advocate for more funding for the navy. He also spoke out against pressing, but not to the same effect. His work in this regard allowed him to generate considerable personal wealth, it being the norm to act as a paid agent and to extract payments from contractors for services rendered.

It seems that Pepys was a parliamentarian and republican. Freshly out of school he became an Exchequer clerk and attended meetings chaired by Cromwell. He worked in Cromwell's service until the Restoration, at which point it seemed apposite to serve Charles II. Pepys is clearly no great lover of the dissolute life that the monarch lived but did his job and from time to time was called to advise the King. Tomalin tells us "Pepys's position at the Navy Board meant he owed direct duty and loyalty to the King" but "he was shocked by what he heard of the swearing, drinking and whoring at court". He continued to serve the new King James II during his short reign.

Pepys' parliamentarianism came back to haunt him in later life, suffering trial and imprisonment in the blood letting that seems to be have been a feature of both the (Catholic) Restoration and the subsequent (Protestant) monarchy of William and Mary.. He had always been agnostic in religious matters and had friends and family who were Catholics and his support and friendship never wavered and later led to his being accused of being a secret Papist. It can't have been a pleasant time for him. In this respect Tomalin gives a clear picture of a hard working and loyal servant of whomever his leader was at the time.

Pepys clearly loved mixing with powerful and important people, not only in the civil service but in the arts and sciences. He was elected as a Fellow of the Royal Society and enjoyed its discourse for many years, eventually serving as President for a two year term. He became familiar with such as Isaac Newton, Christopher Wren, the chemist Robert Boyle, the economist William Petty and the polymath Robert Hooke. He read widely, made and listened to music and collected art. I think he would have had a season ticket to the Royal Opera today. Maybe even Bayreuth.

As for his personal life, he made many friends, both male and female, and enjoyed discourse and intimacy with them. He was a loving husband. I can't recall any sense of regret at being childless but it's possible that his behaviour with other women was partly a result of that.

Overall, Samuel Pepys is a complex and alluring character. He comes across as an often frustrated administrator and courtier - never quite in the top echelon of society - who lived the most amazingly busy life and made the most of his abilities. He was loyal to his friends and constant in his derision of his enemies. A likeable man? Probably not. But a formidable one.

I now know that Tomalin has written biographies of Dickens, Hardy and Jane Austen amongst others. I shall definitely be working my way through these in my nightly vigils, Claire. Thank you for bringing light into my life.