TLDR and Mr Shakespeare

TLDR is a term I learned today. It means "Too Long, Didn't Read". I came across it whilst watching a YouTube video copy of a previously live stream. Someone joined Chat and asked "I've just caught the stream; could you give me a TLDR?". The valiant streamer then proceeded to summarise the game, which had so far lasted some 6 hours, in one sentence. 10/10 Potato McWhiskey.

TLDR is apparently a common internet acronym dating back to the early 2000s so I don't know why I haven't come across it before, but it now constitutes "one new thing I learned today". I have no idea in what context its usage is common but I thought I might apply TLDR to books I have recently read so that busy, or impatient, readers won't have to read them. Idle, patient readers can skip to the quiz at the end.

Samuel Pepys: The Unequalled Self (Claire Tomalin) - Pepys is born and grows up, writes a diary, works for the navy and gets married, although continuing to lead a lustful life.

The Machine Stops (E. M. Forster) - Everyone lives underground, each in one room, where the Machine controls and supports their life, until the Machine breaks down.

The Three Body Problem (Liu Cixin) - Young scientist foolishly sends a message to the universe, which reveals Earth's location to everyone else, causing problems when the Solarians threaten to invade.

And here's a famous - possibly infamous - movie: "A family's first Airbnb experience goes badly wrong".

And a well-known TV series: "Small man manipulates everyone to get his own way".

Meanwhile, here is today's quiz, using info from theodysseyonline.com. Identify the following plays of William Shakespeare from their TLDRs:

• Some hooligans run away and end up getting their dream weddings.
• A fully-grown, college-educated man mopes and whines like a child about his home life.
• Identity theft runs rampant in a beach community.
• A wife loses a hankie and also her life.
• A small boy battles it out with an experienced weasel and nobody wins.
• A bunch of royals get stuck on the most wicked awesome deserted island ever.
• Some shady characters make a whole bunch of outdated law puns; also a woman clearly says no yet in a play full of lawyers no one brings up the issue of consent.

Anyone getting 7/7 is a genius - or at least a Shakespearean nerd.

Answers in one week - watch out for it!

I'm puzzled

Two things happened yesterday.

One, I started a new puzzle

Can you guess what the picture is? There are clues.

Two, I received a surprise package from a shop in Whitstable. It is another puzzle!

The message card says "Happy puzzling!" and it reveals that it was sent by my co-grandparent Jane. Thank you, Jane!

The picture is Van Gogh's "Starry Night".

It's the usual 1,000 pieces and looks a real challenge, Almost as tricky as this

which I was given as a present some time ago by Jane and Trevor and which I have so far not mustered the courage to begin.

Let's see if I can complete these without ending with a piece missing!

Judge a man by his questions

...rather than by his answers. So said Voltaire.

Voltaire (1694-1778) was the nom de plume of François-Marie Arouet. His family apparently nicknamed him "Zozo"; you can see why he changed that. He took Voltaire after being imprisoned in the Bastille; the word has a convoluted genesis involving anagrams, which I won't bore you with. It seems a bit lubricious, frankly.

Anyway, to questions. Judge me by them.

Q. What animal has the biggest ears?

Q. Why has Elon Musk put a chip

in a pig?

Q. Why is a botched job called a pig's ear?

Q. Who does Napoleon represent in Animal Farm?

Q. If Musk's pig now has a brain the size of a planet, why does she tolerate the name Gertrude?

Q. How many pigs does it take to change a light bulb?

Q. If it takes 120 days for a piglet to be born, would it take 240 days for piglet twins (piglins)?

Q. Do pigs roll around in sand dunes in the desert?

Q. Can pigs see rainbows?

I'm not giving answers because Zozo would not be interested. It is not known whether he kept pigs.

Judge me.

It's done

 

My latest jigsaw puzzle. Finished.

Or not. Eagle-eyed readers will have noticed one piece - ONE! - missing.

Was I sold the puzzle incomplete? Or have I lost the piece whilst shuffling around the pieces during the last few weeks? Obviously the smart money is on the latter.

Do I now turn my house upside down in an effort to locate the 1,000th piece or will it by now have disappeared into the depths of my Dyson vacuum cleaner (which, funnily enough has been sounding a bit off lately)?

Blooming Paris. Blooming jigsaws.

UPDATE: Having searched every square inch of floor in my lounge, to no avail, I dismantled the Dyson in the hope that the errant piece might have found its way into its tubes. The bad news is that no jigsaw piece was found; the good news is that the Dyson is no longer sounding funny.

Full stops

 I'm told that Linguists believe that full stops have fallen out of fashion with young people because they 'signify an abrupt or angry tone of voice'

I'm definitely not angry

Does Generation Z feel intimidated Apparently so and they also dont use punctuation in their text messages. [Aargh! Delete that! Just kidding]

Is it the Americans that call full stops periods We have a different meaning for that

Are exclamation points open to misinterpretation [question mark deleted] Does that mean you are shouting Calm down

Wired.com [how to avoid the full stop in a URL] tells me "A semicolon in a text message is the equivalent of putting on makeup to go to the gym" I have no idea what that means

Is this what my mum used to say about minding my Ps and Qs (I always like to search for the derivation of obscure phrases but could find nothing definitive for this) [Are curly brackets punctuation If so I am not G Z friendly]

Adrian Mole had a go at understanding punctuation

"Pandora! / I adore ya / I implore ye / Don't ignore me."

James Joyce had this down to a fine art Molly Bloom's soliloquy in Ulysses counts out at a 3,687 word sentence So kids do streams of consciousness Ive heard my grandkids do that And some bloggers

Im glad Im not a teenager any more

U Turns

I play an old computer game Championship Manager 2001/02, known to its fans as CM0102. It's a clunky, enjoyable role playing game (RPG as video gamers know it) where you manage a football club. Ipswich Town might be in League One now but by tomorrow in my game they will have won the World Cup (that's a slightly patronising nod to my many football-hating readers, who don't know that clubs cannot win international tournaments).

Anyway, in each turn of the game it is possible to get News items to read. One of the most iconic is "....[club name] chairman says that ..... [manager's name] has the Board's full confidence." When you see this, you know that seven days later that manager will be sacked. The ultimate in U turns.

Politicians hate U turns but seem to indulge in them rather too often. "You turn if you want to.The lady's not for turning" said Margaret Thatcher; in that context - the UK economy - she stuck with it but later her party (after she had been ousted over the poll tax issue) made a U turn on the policy she had introduced.

In the US, U turns are called flip-flops, although to us Brits they are the most uncomfortable beach footwear you can imagine. In Australia and New Zealand, U turns are "backflips", which sound like the highest tariff dives possible. In Italy they probably call a flipflop a ciabatte infradito; I had one of those recently at the Britannia Inn. Delicious. The Spanish chanclas sounds less edible, more a percussion instrument.

I don't really go in for politics in this blog, so I am going to skip over the eleven U turns made by the UK government since 12 March. Tempting but...no, move on.

Why do U turns only take place "at the 11th hour"? In these times of 24 hour clocks, do our fellow Europeans U turn "at the 23rd hour"?

Is it a U turn to change your mind? Ashoka (304–232 BCE) was an Indian Emperor who ruled over a huge Indian Empire. He conquered Kalinga in a bitterly destructive war, in which thousands were slain. After seeing the slaughter he had caused, Ashoka embraced Buddhism and preached a new doctrine of non-violence, toleration and peace. 10/10 Ashoka.

U turns in the movies:

“- Jenny: You like Patsy Cline? I just love her. I wonder how come she don't put out no more new records.
- Bobby Cooper: Because she's dead.
- Jenny: Oh... that's sad. Don't that make you sad?
- Bobby Cooper: I've had time to get over it.” [Claire Danes and Sean Penn in Oliver Stone's movie "U Turn" of 1997]

I thought the Highway Code might have something to say about U turns but no. There is only "Just before U turn [sic], check for undertaking cyclists or motorcyclists". But U turns don't always need to be seen as negative. I'll give Indian writer Atul Chandra Sarkar the last word.

Squeeze the rose of my heart,
Each red drop,
Reflects you;
Split the oyster of my heart,
See the pearls,
Of our lovely moments;
The Great Bear in the sky
Of my heart are our,
Seven days spent together;
The scattered dandelions
Of my heart's garden relate,
My million wishes for you;
The meteors hitch to shoot,
From the heaven of my heart,
Lest I again wish for you;
My grave cannot hold me back,
I'll wander out in search of you,
If my ashes are immersed,
I shall take a u-turn,
To return back to you!