Quiz with answers

I decided that these questions may be too hard for normal people, so I'm providing the answers.

1. What is the name of Donald Trump's father?

Frederick Christ Trump.

Christ? Wow. That explains everything.

2. How many billionaires are there in the world?

2,825 (as of 2019). All of them have houses in London.

3a. Which UK Minister approved a government grant of £25 million to the Newark constituency?

Jake Berry, Minister of State for the Northern Powerhouse and Local Growth at the Cabinet Office and the Ministry of Housing, Communities and Local Government. MP for Rossendale and Darwen.

3b. Which UK Minister approved a government grant to Darwen in the Rossendale and Darwen constituency?

Robert Jenrick, Secretary of State for Housing, Communities and Local Government, MP for Newark.

Buddies. Looking out for each other. As you do.

4. What is the first name of the UK Prime Minister?

Alexander.

5. How many words in Boris Johnson's full name?

Five. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

6. What is a Pfeffel?

It's what Boris gets into when he can't answer a question. Synonyms: kerfuffle, waffle, piffle, ruffled, reshuffle.

7. What is the shortest piece of music?

"2 seconds". It's my version of John Cage's "4 minutes 33 seconds". It lasts two seconds. I sing it every morning during breakfast.

8. What is the longest piece of music?

As SLow aS Possible. By John Cage. Being performed at St. Burchardi church in Halberstadt, Germany, since 2001 and scheduled to finished in 2640. You knew that one!

9. Where is the planet Zog?

The planet Zog is a gigantic brown planet that floats 400 million light years from Earth. The planet's surface is made of chocolate and lumpy cream cheese.

10. Who lives on Zog?

The zargles.

Enough, Nigel. Do something useful.

Free agents

Dear needy football clubs,

The transfer windows have closed. At least most of them. But the domestic window is still open in the UK. Better still, unattached players can be signed outside transfer windows. So a few tips, brave lower league clubs, on who is available. Pay per play deals? Pay per goal?

There's a whole team here (4-3-3 formation) so, if you are thinking of starting a pub team, here they are.

Heurelho Gomes. 39. Goalkeeper. Brazilian international, 8 caps. Ex Spurs, Watford. Perfect age for a goalie. No injuries.

Nathaniel Clyne. 29. Right back. English international, 14 caps. Ex Liverpool, Southampton. Missed 48 games with cruciate ligament injury 2019/20.

Gael Clichy. 35. Left back. French international, 20 caps. Ex Man City, Arsenal. No history of  long term injuries.

Ashley Williams. 36. Centre back. Welsh international, 86 caps, many as captain. Ex Everton, Swansea. Almost completely injury free over many years.

James Collins. 37. Welsh international partner of Ashley Williams (2 for the price of 1?), 50 caps. Ex Aston Villa, West Ham and recently Ipswich Town. No recent injuries other than those associated with the rigours of playing against bullying strikers of the like of Andy Carroll.

Tom Huddlestone. 33. Defensive midfielder. England international, 4 caps. Ex Spurs, Hull City, Derby County. 242 Premier League appearances, 11 goals. Only 57 days injured (hamstring) since 2013.

Shinji Kagawa. 31. Attacking midfielder. Japan international, 97 caps, 31 goals. Ex Man Utd, Borussia Dortmund, recently Real Zaragoza. No serious injuries.

Jack Wilshere. 28. Midfield playmaker. England international, 34 caps, 2 goals. Ex Arsenal, Bournemouth, West Ham. Genius. Highly injury prone (792 days injured last 4 years). Apparently wants "to try something different". How about League One with Ipswich Town, Jack?

Daniel Sturridge. 31. Striker. England international, 26 caps, 8 goals. Ex Liverpool, Chelsea, Man City. Last seen playing in Turkey for Trabzonspor, so playing for Wycombe Wanderers in the Championship should be pretty similar.  Injury prone, mostly constant niggling injuries rather than serious long-term ones.

Danny Welbeck. 29. Striker. England international, 42 caps, 16 goals. Ex Man Utd, Arsenal and Watford. Plenty more left in the tank, I'd guess. Probably wouldn't come cheap. Injury prone (774 days injured last 5 years).

Mario Balotelli. 30. Italy international, 36 caps, 14 goals. Ex Inter, Man City, AC Milan, Liverpool, Nice, Marseille, Brescia (a pattern there?). 52 goals in Serie A, 41 in Ligue 1, 21 in the Premier League, 8 in the Champions League - need I go on? Virtually injury free. Get him to play and you've got a player.

Now that's a pub team ⚽

Yours,

Nigel
Free agent agent consultant.

Thanks to transfermarkt.co.uk for a terrific database.

Here they come!

I became interested in what music is played in football stadiums when their team comes onto the pitch for a match. Why do they make the choice?

I was watching a match at the Emirates Stadium involving the home team Arsenal. They came out to London Calling by The Clash. It's a fairly tepid punk rock song, starting:

London calling to the faraway towns
Now war is declared and battle come down

Presumably whoever chose it saw the forthcoming match as a war. Sheffield United was the faraway town. Maybe it worked - Arsenal won - but my recent experience of Arsenal players is that they see a game of football more of a stroll in the park than a war.

They used to run out to Motorhead's The Game. This is more like it, throbbing heavy metal - if the players aren't up for it after this, they never will be.

It's time to play the game
Time to play the game! Hahaha
It's all about the game and how you play it.
All about control and if you can take it.

Probably the most recognisable of team entry music is Liverpool's You'll Never Walk Alone by Gerry and the Pacemakers. Frankly I don't see how the team could be inspired by this dreary song.

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

There is a lot of wind and rain in Liverpool though so maybe the players are being encouraged to revel in the stormy weather. Not so effective in May, perhaps.

What about West Ham? They come out to:

I'm forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams,
They fade and die.

Seriously? You think this will encourage your guys? I guess West Ham fans would find the last two lines pretty indicative of the last few seasons.

Manchester City enter to the 1934 song Blue Moon.

Blue Moon, Blue Moon, Blue Moon
Moon, moon, moon, Blue Moon
Moon, moon, moon, Blue Moon

And you complain when your players start the match sleepy?

I guess some fans just like to have a sing song, which you can easily do to Blue Moon or Bubbles, or an emotional wallowing with Walk Alone, but not so much with Motorhead.

Good news for cats

I learned a new word today.

Smize.

I'm told it means to smile with your eyes. Invented by the catwalk model Tyra Banks in 2009.

Acknowledgement to Rhys Blakeley, Science Correspondent of the Times for this information.

Apparently researchers from the University of Sussex's School of Psychology did some experiments with one of their researchers smizing at cats and seeing which of them responded. They discovered that if you 'slow motion blink' at a cat, it slow motion blinks back.

This was published in a journal called Scientific Reports.

I really don't know what to make of this incredibly useless and fatuous piece of "information". Does it work on owls?

These people should get out more.

Weekly quiz #5 geography

I generally reckon to be a bit of a wiz at geography. It was my favourite school subject; atlases are my favourite books. They fire my imagination. I could close my eyes, stick a pin in a map of the world then look: "I'm going to go there". I still haven't been to Siberia. I fondly remember when maps were covered in pink for the British Empire. Ah the good old days. Nowadays only St Helena. And a few other tiny dots on the maps, so small you can't see they're pink. In a pub quiz team I can specialise in geography, history, politics and football. Popular music and culture, not so much, which is a problem since that's 90% of pub quiz questions.

I digress. This week's quiz subject is Geography. Enjoy!

Question 1 (I always like to start easy and gradually increase the tension): Which country has the most islands?

Question 2: What is the deepest lake in the world?

Question 3: Which is the smallest country by population in Europe?

Question 4: How many countries are currently members of the United Nations? (you can have 5 either way)

Question 5: Name a capital city whose name is two words long, both beginning with the same letter of the alphabet.

Question 6: How many states does Brazil have?

Question 7: Which EU country has a population nearest to that of Wales?

Question 8: What is the most recent country to join the UN?

Question 9: What is the longest capital city name?

Quiz #4 answers

Quote 1: "All warfare is based on deception" Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Quote 2: "I am become death, the  destroyer of worlds" Robert Oppenheimer, after the Bhagavad Gita

Quote 3: "For 10 years we in the Tory party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing" Boris Johnson

Quote 4: "Democratic societies are unfit for the publication of such thunderous revelations as I am in the habit of making" Salvador Dali

Quote 5: "I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals" Winston Churchill

Quote 6: "Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past" George Orwell in '1984'

Quote 7: "If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there’d be peace" John  Lennon