Celebrating

What am I celebrating?

I've been jabbed rather than my usual jabbering. Now for some

Good luck everyone!

16 January 1944

An auspicious day. A Sunday.

A German U boat was sunk. Eisenhower assumed control of the Allied Expeditionary Force. A Japanese submarine ran aground in New Guinea; a US Navy submarine ran aground on the island of Midway (these were the days before Google Maps).

The painter/designer Chris de Marigny was born. Later he became a writer on modern dance. He died in 1995. This painting of his

apparently shows "two figures reclining in a garden". I actually thought it was a Cornish Pasty.

Churchill was the UK Prime Minister, FDR the US President and Pius XII the Pope.

After being evacuated from London to Reading during World War II, my mother, in a moment of defiance towards the Führer, gave birth to a handsome boy.

Me.

I don't know the exact time of day that this momentous event occurred but I have now been alive for approximately 675,000 hours. I'm exhausted just thinking about that. That's 450,000 football matches (excluding added time for injuries, extra time, penalties, etc etc.)

To honour this poster, I shall spend my birthday in trivial endeavours but also writing authoritative blog posts based on my 40,500,000 minutes experience of life.

Moving on. Don't look back.

Apologies if you heard any inappropriate language

This goes down as one of the most banal statements ever by football commentators. Ever since football has been on TV when there are no spectators, you can usually select to watch with either fake crowd noise, which is obviously absurd, or with just the stadium sounds. With 22 players and around 6 coaches shouting instructions - or abuse - at each other, you can hear quite a lot of what is said.

These are vigorous, highly motivated (although that applies to some more than others) young men and it's unrealistic to expect them to say "pardon me but I think you accidently kicked me" or "excuse me referee, I think you made a small error there".

If you really think this is how footballers should speak, you are probably watching the wrong sport and would be better served by show jumping. Or croquet, although I have been known to... no I'm not going there.

In any case, usually we haven't heard anything at all, but as soon as you hear or see the apology message you think "wait! what did they say? I missed it".

Broadcasters take varying approaches to this "problem". Some have a kind of ticker tape notification, others instruct the commentator to offer the apology - for swearing or "bad" or "inappropriate language". Frankly it's ludicrous. If you are sensitive to impolite language, you could:

• watch with the fake crowd noise on, or
• watch with the sound off (there are advantages to this, in that you don't hear the nonsense spouted by commentators and co-commentators), or
• watch snooker

In any case, who decides what is "inappropriate"? Or "swearing"? I won't quote examples on this family-friendly blog but I would contend that industrial language is entirely appropriate for football. So it would be more honest to say "apologies for appropriate language". Broadcasters, take note.

I did a bit of research into what constitutes inappropriate language in this context and, not surprisingly, I decided it's best not to quote any, however absurd some of them might seem.

It's also true that most of my language while watching my favourites teams is, although both appropriate and deserved, not something I would have wanted my mother to hear. And possibly worse than anything the players might say. I just wish they could hear my advice and act on it.

Now I do realise that the broadcasters are simply following Ofcom rules, and that most matches start before the 9pm watershed but really? It's football; take it or leave it.

Here's my suggestion as to what the message might say:

"If you are offended by any of the language that you heard, please note that your television set, or streaming device, has an OFF button."

The greatest nation ever?

I've been watching the proceedings from the US House of Representatives, as they debate the articles of impeachment. Speaker after speaker refers to the USA as "the greatest nation ever".

Have they never heard of the Ancient Greeks, the Egyptians? Not to mention the Mayans, Aztecs, the Incas and the Osirians? And more.

"Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?" [Monty Python, Life Of Brian"]

Calm down, people.

Anyone want Diego?

News of free agents (see earlier posts from October). Diego Costa is available! In England, Costa is remembered as a a key part of Chelsea's Premier League title winning teams of 2015 and 2017. How to describe his style of play? Start with the fact that no defender wanted to play against him. Aggressive, physical, a trickster who riled opponents into giving away penalties and red cards (see Gabriel Paulista for Arsenal in 2015 - https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/arsenal-furious-gabriel-sees-red-6474691). Sum him up in one word? Nasty.

But a terrific centre forward in his prime; 58 goals and 28 assists in 120 matches for Chelsea.

After Chelsea he went back to Atletico Madrid, winning the Europa League for coach Diego Simeone

- another hard man as a player, perfectly suited to Costa. In 2020, however, he was blighted by injury - 132 days injured during the year. Age, at 32, and a hard man style of play, perhaps took their toll and even when he came back from injury he couldn't get back his place in the team. In December he and the club agreed to terminate his contract.

So now he is a free agent. You'd think that he still has a couple of years at near to the top level in him. He probably wouldn't want huge wages - largely because no club is going to take a punt on high wages given his injury record. But you'd imagine there are clubs around for whom he could do a decent job, maybe on a pay by play contract. There are two Premier League clubs which have scored only 9 goals this season - Burnley from 16 games and Sheffield United from 18.

Any takers? I'll definitely have him in my Free Agent XI.

Acknowledgement for details to https://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/statistik/vertragslosespieler

The  good:

The  bad:

And the  ugly:

Vexillology

Words you may not have encountered.

Vexillology is the study of the history, symbolism and usage of flags. Do people make up words to justify their own activities? Is there a word for the study of blogging? If not (a) why not and (b) let's think of one.

Vexillology is derived from the Latin word vexillum, which refers to a kind of square flag which was carried by Roman cavalry. So we need a Latin word for blog. There isn't one, which I suppose means there were no Roman bloggers. Although you could argue that Pliny the Younger was a blogger, so I'm going to say that Plinyology is the study of blogging. Mr Google gives no results for plinyology, so I think I must be the first. Does that make me a neologist? I think that may also be a new word. So that's Nigel 2 Dictionaries 0; I'll get on to the OED in the morning.

The December 2020 updates to the OED include deliverology, apparently coined by British civil servants as a humorous, spuriously scientific sounding name for the process of successfully (or unsuccessfully) implementing policy and achieving goals in government.

Anyway, I'm interested in flags, so that makes me a vexillophile. I'm also interested in words, which makes me a logophile. dictionary.com calls me a word nerd. I'm OK with that. What else? I'm interested in jigsaw puzzles, as you know. Apparently that makes me a dissectologist. 

Who knew? More of this stuff throughout 2021.