Yats

Apparently there's a new craze. Yats. A Yat is a singular collection of five emojis. A super-emoji. You can choose your five emojis, combine them into a Yat and use it as a social media signature. Or even your username.

Each Yat is unique so, once you have bought your Yat, no-one else can have that combination of emojis. I don't know how many possible combinations are possible because I don't know - or care - how many emojis there are in existence.

Note that word 'bought'. You have to purchase your Yat. And that may cost you tens of thousands of dollars, payable in some kind of cryptocurrency I think. Although presumably you can sell your Yat in a few months' time in the online Yatmarket and make huge profits. Or losses.

It's like going to your local rubbish dump, picking up hundreds of dirty, useless items, packaging them in groups of five items in shiny coloured foil and selling them as unique works of art on eBay. Equally valuable contributions to society.

Compare this with Wordle. I've never used Wordle but it was created to allow people to use the power of the internet and smartphones to simply have some fun - for free. Whoever created Yats - I'm not going to name them because they don't deserve recognition [although, come to think of it, I'm writing about their product] - are guilty of egregious greed, exploitation of the free resources of the internet, creating an unsustainable bubble, you name it, there isn't a cultural crime they haven't committed.

But, if you're rich and stupid, give it a go; have some fun. Yats were designed for you.

And yes, I know, the Wordle creator sold out to the New York Times, so maybe from now on providing people with fun may become less of a priority. We'll see.

Less than One - points don't always mean prizes

When playing Championship Manager - the classic 01/02 version obviously - when your team gets promoted the target for the first season at the higher level is, in my experience, to make sure you have at least the number of points equal to the number of games you've played. If you end up like that at the end of the season you'll generally avoid relegation. In the Premier League, with 20 teams each playing 38 games, you'll mostly be safe when you get to 38 points.

As with all the best simulation games, this reflects real life. In only 4 of the last 18 seasons has that not been enough. In 2002/2003 West Ham were relegated with 42 points so you need to be cautious about applying this 'rule'. Maybe they eased off when they got to 38, or perhaps they were  playing too much Championship Manager. Anyway, I thought I'd check out how this revelation affects teams in the top 4 English divisions at the moment.

In the Premier League there are actually seven teams - all the way up to Brentford in 14th place - with fewer points than games played. Seven struggling teams; I know because I watched some of them this weekend. This should definitely give encouragement to those in the bottom three places.

In the Championship, four teams seem to be battling it out on this basis. It's affected by the fact that Derby County were deducted 21 points, and Reading 6 points, for various breaches of financial rules, meaning their positions are probably not true reflections of their performances. You'd guess this means the bottom two, Peterborough and Barnsley, are near certainties for relegation, even at this stage.

League One (I know, for those of you baffled by almost everything about the noble sport of Association Football, these are prime examples of the weirdness of our national game) has four clubs within the points < games rule but plenty of teams immediately above them who could get sucked into the relegation battle. This league also features four relegation places so maybe this means you need points > games, I'm not sure about that.

League Two has only two clubs relegated at the end of the season (often a relief to CM 0102 players) so I'd guess you could be safe with fewer points than games. There are currently three within the recommended margin but another four very much in the mix. Although this seems like the easiest league in which to avoid relegation - and heart attacks when playing the game - there is going to be a rare old battle in real life this year.

Good luck to all these teams - I'll be following your progress.

Today's a big day for Australia

Australia. My second home. Well, that's an exaggeration but my Son #1 lives there. In Newcastle. Not the cold, windy one up north in the UK but the other in sunny New South Wales. My daughter in law is an Aussie and they moved there, I dunno, about 15 years ago. It's a great country and I have enjoyed many a trip there over the years, particularly at Christmas times.

Australia has had one of the strictest border policies in the world to attempt to keep Covid out - ask Novak Djokovic - but today is Freedom Day. The day when they open their borders to fully vaccinated visitors (again, ask Novak for details). I haven't seen my Aussie grandsons for over three years so am actively thinking about a trip. The temptation is to go sooner rather than later but definitely Christmas is on the cards. We'll see.

Box of Brilliant Beers

I was given a box of zero alcohol beers as a birthday gift. Styled as Another Box of Brilliant Beers. Presented by Beer Hawk.  Just started sampling; over the next couple of weeks I thought you'd be interested in my tasting comments (it'll be the last couple,of weeks by the time you read them).

It's worth noting that up to 0.5% alcohol is defined as 'alcohol free', although supermarket self service checkouts don't seem capable of recognising that and require the same authorisation as full alcohol beers do.

Jupiter 0.0%: A lightish but fairly hoppy Belgian beer. I like it.

Jever Fun 0.3%: This Pilsener is dry and unexciting with not much taste.

Maisel's Weisse 0.5%: A wheat beer that has a very fruity taste - Ocado calls it a banana flavour and I can definitely taste that. I really like it for its flavour but for me it's let down by being excessively fizzy. But another plus in this case is it's a 500ml bottle!

Bitburger Pils 0.05%: A slight pleasant sourness on this Bavarian beer. Perfectly drinkable.

Franziskaner Weissbier 0.5%: A flavourful, slightly fruity beer which is one of the best so far. 500ml!

Wheesht 0.0%: This is the real deal! By which I mean it's very much to my taste. A dark ale brewed at Harviestoun Brewery in Scotland. A great taste with a hint of chocolate. 'Wheesht' is apparently old Scottish slang for 'shh'! I don't imagine they mean to keep quiet about this product! I discovered you can buy a 12 bottle case of this for £12.60, although (a) there's a flat rate £5.95 for shipping orders of less than £50 and (b) the bottles are only 330ml. Needs a bit of thinking about.

Tiny Rebel Clwb Tropica 0.5%: Very fruity and fizzy pale ale brewed in Newport, Wales. A nice light drink for those who like a lager top. Although bubbly out of the can, it quietens down quite quickly.

Ghost Ship 0.5%: A well-known pale ale brewed in Suffolk by Adnams. Pour this into a wide-bottomed glass and you will see the gorgeous amber colour. Matched by the strong, earthy taste.

Lucky Saint 0.5%: I've come across this before. Brewed in Bavaria for Not Another Beer company, it's a light lager very similar to Heineken Zero. Not my favourite.

Leffe 0.0%: A Belgian brew which has quite a nice sweet taste and very little fizz. I think there is added sugar, as the calorie content is 40 per 100ml, compared with say my favourite St Peters Without at 29. Despite this, I could drink more of it, although it's not as hoppy as I prefer; just different for an occasional early evening drink.

Zero Five 0.5%: Brewed at Thornbridge Brewery in Derbyshire, this is fruity - apple? mango? - and very fizzy. Pleasant enough but not in the Top Five for me.

Hoegaarden 0.05%: A wheat beer brewed "with coriander orange peel" in Belgium. I really like the wheat beer taste and this one is not excessively bubbly.

My top five from these? Not in order, I could happily drink the two wheat beers - Hoegaarden and Maisel's - as well as Franziskaner, Wheesht and Ghost Ship.

I've recently bought a mixed case of my favourite St Peter's Without but I'll be looking out for these five.

Thanks for the birthday present Dan!

Reader suggestions sought

Consider this.

Boris Johnson, an innately radical politician, leads an innately conservative party.

Keir Starmer, an innately conservative politician, leads an innately radical party.

It makes no sense. They should swap. Then what ...?

It's Eunice for us, Dudley for you

Storm Eunice hits the UK's South West. Meanwhile Storm Dudley rampages through the Midlands. What if they meet? Storm Dudnice? Presumably Dudley has alphabetical priority so move over, Eun; your time will come.

I may be the only human on the planet (as opposed to those on the Moon or Mars) who thinks the whole storm naming thing is ridiculous and patronising. Are we so stupid we need everything dumbed down? If the storms keep coming two at a time we may reach Zak by Christmas. Actually that can't happen as there are no Zs in the storm alphabet. Or Ys, so it'll be Willemien - remember the Dutch participate in our naming system. Anyone know why the French don't?

Yep, I do. European nations are grouped for storm naming purposes:

Western Group (United Kingdom, Ireland, and the Netherlands)

South-western Group (France, Spain, Portugal, Belgium and Luxembourg)

Eastern Mediterranean Group (Greece, Israel and Cyprus)

Central Mediterranean Group (Italy, Slovenia, Croatia, Montenegro, North Macedonia and Malta)

So far we are winning; we're up to Eunice, the Spanish only Blas, the Greeks Elpis (so level with us - come on us Brits!), the others only Apollo (which I thought was Greek so seems like an interloper). If you don't live in Europe, look up your own; I don't care.

I feel I've gone on for too long about this nonsense. Indeed, you may not have got this far; don't blame you.