Shocking and Hilarious

Can a movie, or a TV series, be shocking and hilarious at the same time? For me Yes but does that make me weird?

On that point, I'll be blogging about Squid Game in a few days.

Meanwhile I've watched a couple of feature length Netflix sports-related documentaries in a series called Untold. Last night was Untold: Crime & Penalties and tells the story of the Danbury Trashers ice hockey team. The previous episode Breaking Point I watched was about the tennis rivalry and friendship between Mardy Fish and Andy Roddick and, ultimately, Fish's anxiety and mental health problems. There's an episode about Caitlyn Jenner who, as Bruce Jenner, won Olympic gold for the decathlon, one about an 'infamous' (I'd never heard of it, so relatively infamous) NBA brawl, another about female boxer Christy Martin.

In each case the central structure features a defining moment, which we see at the beginning, an examination of why this happened and finally an assessment of the outcomes.

The Danbury Trashers came about as a result of mob boss (if he was one of the ubiquitous Dragons' Den dragons, he'd be "trash disposal mogul") Jimmy Galante, who bought his 17 year old son A.J. a UHL [United Hockey League, a minor league one level below the NHL] ice hockey franchise, making A.J. President with carte blanche to hire whomever he wanted to play in the team. What could possibly go wrong? In true Dirty Dozen style, he recruits a bunch of the best and the worst - the best players with the worst (most violent) temperaments, setting them the goal of terrifying their opponents into submission. I am not really familiar with ice hockey but it has always seemed to me a sport flirting on the edge of violence, so none of this is surprising. The central moment occurs when one of the team's players has his leg broken by an opponent - and you can easily imagine what follows.

There's a subplot with the FBI investigating, and eventually indicting, Jimmy. He is acclaimed as a hero for creating this sporting monster, with the Danbury locals fully in tune with the macho  approach of the team. The players give extended interviews and the director makes a good stab at humanising them. To the extent that there are definitely hilarious moments to go alongside the gut-wrenching barbarity of it all, yes, my central premise is proven.

Breaking Point is set around Mardy Fish's sudden withdrawal before a match against Roger Federer, using this to probe his life of intense pressure to succeed from a very young age, a breakdown, recovery and his final decision to retire as a player and subsequently, amongst other things, his being open about his well-being issues and his campaign for awareness of mental health issues for sports stars. An extended interview with Fish himself frames the documentary and, as with Crime & Penalties, there are interviews with key people - particularly Andy Roddick in this case. It's neither shocking nor hilarious but a worthwhile and sensitive examination of a familiar sporting issue. I'm looking forward to seeing the remaining three in the series.

Arsenal notes

Those of my readers who hate football probably don't know what an Arsenal is. Apart from: a repository for weapons or even a collection of those weapons. As in Woolwich Arsenal. A recent definition of an Arsenal would be along the lines of "a collection of over-paid, under-performing old actors chasing a ball". Current definitions, however, include "a well-rehearsed collection of hungry young men with a common goal". This is the Arsenal we fans have come to know in recent months.

I'm struggling here to keep the non-footy readers engaged.

I want to comment on some under-mentioned aspects of Arsenal's victory over Aston Villa yesterday. The Gunners got their goal in the first half and looked pretty comfortable, although without creating too many chances for a second, until the 70th minute. At that point Arteta decided - entirely reasonably - that his young charges were looking tired and brought on Nicolas Pepe and, ten minutes later, Eddie Nketiah. Now, you two guys, you have just one job: hold on to the ball and keep it as far away from your own goal as possible. Preferably around the opposition's corner flag. These two were completely unable, even unwilling, to do this simple thing. To the extent that, in the final minute of added time, Pepe gave away the ball, and committed a rash foul, just outside his own penalty area, giving Philippe Coutinho, an excellent free kick taker, the opportunity to get an undeserved draw for Aston Villa. Only the alert Bernd Leno in the Arsenal goal prevented this happening.

Frankly guys, that was unacceptable. And for me you have forfeited the right to come on as a sub for the rest of the season. And beyond.

I get that Arteta maybe thought a second goal was the best way to confirm the victory, but Pepe's record in 75 Premier League appearances for Arsenal is just 16 goals. So the probability of his scoring in 90 minutes would be 16/75 = 0.21. In 15 minutes that would be 0.035, i.e. almost in miracle territory. If you want to guarantee keeping your one goal lead, get one of your young summer recruits on - Sambi Lokonga or Nuno  Tavares. They will (a) put in the effort and (b) do what their manager says.

Which leads me to summer recruitment. Obviously this is heavily dependent on which - if any - European competition Arsenal qualify for but let's put that to one side. Nicolas Pepe has only one attribute to act as an able deputy for Bukayo Saka as the right sided attacker: he plays in that position. No-one is going to give Arsenal anything like the £70 million they paid for Pepe but they should move him on. And bring in a young live-wire wide player such as Olise or Eze from Crystal Palace or Trincão from Barcelona.

As for Nketiah, he's out of contract and off. As is Lacazette. There has been talk of offering Laca a one or two year deal but that ignores two key points: (1) he will want to play every game in order to maximise his (admittedly minimal) chance of being in the French squad for the World Cup (2) he doesn't score goals. Yes he works hard, is a good example as captain and links play, but that lack of goals (4 this Premier League season) could easily cost Arsenal that precious 4th place in this season's Premier League. Arsenal need to bring in two strikers. Because strikers are generally the most expensive players to buy - and pay - one should be an established goalscorer in a top European league (i.e. not France) and the other a 22/23 year old with huge promise. More in future blog posts of who they could be. Talk of Calvert-Lewin has me aghast. I just don't think he fits either category.

Finally, a midfield partner for Thomas Partey. We can't continue with Grant Xhaka. There are better midfielders around. It looks like 4-3-3 is here to stay so a creative midfielder who doesn't have a frequent flier plan for yellow cards, early to mid 20s, would fit the bill. The top two in this season's Premier League midfielders yellow card list are Ruben Neves (9) and Yves Bissouma (8). Surprisingly Xhaka has only 6! We want someone less ill-disciplined than Granit, not more. Douglas Luiz and Youri Tielemans are worth a look. Tielemans has 10 through balls this season - Odegaard has 18 (!) and Partey 9. But the player I would like to see in that position is James Ward Prowse. If Arsenal need more goals, he's your guy, I reckon.

Let me know, in the comments below, what your thoughts are.

Dog Lodge

I was having a pub lunch with my friend Tony - and his giant dog Jasper - and our meal was constantly interrupted by dog-lovers, coo-ing and ah-ing at the aforesaid Great Dane. Not at Tony, obviously. Or me; I was a non-person in the interaction. Apart from the comfort which Jassie brings him, Tony loves the camaraderie of the doggie fraternity. A couple of days ago, on a walk, I heard someone saying to someone else "I love having a dog because people come up and talk to you".

Wait! You can talk to other people, you know. Is this some kind of quasi Masonic secret society? And I don't have the password? Come to think it, when I first met Jasper I was impressed that he would respond to "Sit!" even from me, a stranger. "He'll shake your hand, you know" said Tony. Aha! The Masonic handshake. I was right.

I declined.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member [Groucho Marx]

Why Are We So Angry?

We seem to have been living for years in a state of anger. Looking at the USA political scene from the outside, the country appears not only divided but in a particularly bitter and angry way since the lead up to the 2016 presidential election. At home in the UK, the 2016 Brexit referendum stirred a great deal of acrimony and that state persisted perhaps longer than it should have. This is not the usual partisan politics, it's a cacophonous battleground.

We seem to be permanently angry. With Downing Street parties, Prince Andrew, a footballer kicking a cat, John Bercow, Black Lives Matter, Extinction Rebellion protests, footballers who take the knee, others who don't take the knee, statues, immigrants....... now Vladimir Putin is centre stage in our anger universe. And his oligarchical cronies who have the nerve to buy a mansion in Kensington or a football club in Chelsea. 

It's exhausting. And, I would argue, debilitating. Any psychologist would warn us, on a personal level, of the harmful effects of anger - whether momentary or permanent - and the need to deal with it. It feels obvious to me that it's the same on a national level. By which I mean that an angry country - and its citizenry -  is likely to be unhealthily divided, unproductive, displaying low self-esteem and confidence, and lacking clarity and focus. It's a recipe for stagnation at best, decline at worst.

I can't watch the TV news bulletins......yesterday's Times had its first 13 pages devoted to the war in Ukraine. I'm not for one moment denying the seriousness for that country; my issue is that the populace of Britain is being wound up to be angry. By the media, almost as an arm of the state. "People of the United Kingdom, you must be angry!". We've had it before: most recently those parties, endlessly, day after day. 

I don't want to be angry, and I don't welcome the suggestion that I should feel anger. Maybe I should build a calming playlist on Spotify. That might do it.

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” [Mark Twain]

“Angry people are not always wise.” [Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice]

I like the Sea

I feel fortunate to live near the sea. I love the sea. Obviously not being on it; I get seasick in the bath. Or in it; certainly not in English coastal waters in winter. Or Australian shark-infested seas at any time. 

I just love the look and sound of the sea. It can sometimes be angry - aren't we all? - but mostly it's a calming solace in troubled times. As with these from Charlestown yesterday.

Cinderella

I've been missing from my blog, largely due to lack of inspiration. Feeling guilty, and alarmed at how angry the world (at least as reflected in the media) is, some puns to entertain you. Some of these may have been borrowed or, in a reflection of world events, stolen.

Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? Because her coach is a pumpkin.

Why did the chicken get sent off in the football match? For fowl play.

What did the cat call her blog? A pawedcast.

Why is my cat so ornery? He has a bad cattitude.

When I was a kid, my teacher said, “Name two pronouns.” I said, ‘Who, me?”

I decided I wanted to write a memoir but I couldn't be bothered, so I hired a ghostwriter. I haven't seen him for ages.

Why was the cartographer grumpy? He had a bad latitude.

In the kitchen, the Italian said "I'm Hungary". The German replied "Czech the fridge".

Please get your kids/grandkids to add more ...