The red button

Broadcasters obviously think we might need to hear the obscene chants of football crowds while we watch a match. Both Sky Sports and BT Sport are offering the option of using the red button during spectator-free live football.

As I write this post, I am watching a German league match for which the host broadcaster Sky Deutschland provides a "crowd noise" soundtrack. It's been created from real spectator sounds from the earlier (pre-lockdown) match between these two teams and is to an extent contextual - an engineer (German word for TV producer, Vorsprung durch Technik and all that) selects specific sounds for goals, penalties and so on. Whilst it may sound OK for those specific situations, for most of the match when nothing other than normal play (player kicks ball, passes to another player who kicks ball, etc.) happens it is extremely irritating. There is no red button option to watch without crowd noise.

There are pictures of people (presumably real people) on one side of the stadium, facing the main camera. Do these people get royalties? Apparently Borussia Dortmund fans can pay to have their picture on the "fan board" (some premier League clubs are now doing the same); no news though on audio clips of individual insults to be hurled at referees.

BT Sport say that they will offer "pre-recorded dynamic crowd noise". So real crowds from previous matches but not clear what "dynamic" means. Presumably the same as the  Bundesliga, an engineer (is this really what students study engineering at uni for?) selecting context-specific stuff. Sky will have "team specific crowd noise and chants". "Come on you Bluuues". Etc. Scarily, Sky has an app where "fans can vote for what chants they want played". Plenty of opportunity there for Russian and Chinese state hackers. What could possibly go wrong?

I gave up taking my sons to football matches when the obnoxious chanting and shouting of crowds became intelligible to 8yos. Today, going to football is not a pleasant experience for those of us with sensitive personalities (i.e. brains).

I often watch football with the sound off, although that is largely to avoid the inanities of commentators. I will definitely not be watching with piped crowd sound. Keep the people away for ever!