Rudolph won't be coming

But Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner (or Dunder) and Blitzen will.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny rein-deer,
with a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and call'd them by name:
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer, and Vixen!
"On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Dunder and Blitzen!

[A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement C. Moore, 1823]

Rudolph is a fake, invented in 1939 as a marketing gimmick for the Montgomery Ward chain of department stores in America. Shame.

But it did spawn the famous song. Nobody ever sang "Dasher, the prancing reindeer". To my knowledge.

There's more. L. Frank Baum's story The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1902) includes a list of ten reindeer: Flossie and Glossie, Racer and Pacer, Fearless and Peerless, Ready and Steady, Feckless and Speckless.

St. Nicholas himself was a real person of course, a monk supposedly in (what is now) Turkey in the 3rd century A.D. (or C.E. as we woke people say). I could find no record of reindeer sightings in Turkey. Or turkeys in Lapland, for that matter.

The first known reference to Santa Claus coming down a chimney is in a version of Knickerbocker’s History of New York by Washington Irvine in 1812: "St. Nicholas rattl[ing] down the chimney”.

Americans, have you nothing better to write about? And are Americans that gullible?

So kids, please stop singing about Rudolph and memorise Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. I'll test you!

A very merry Christmas everyone.